david54 Member Posts: 164 Member
edited November 2015 in Caregivers #1


Hi-sorry to make this all about me, I know there are so many people that are struggling.

 It's starting to come back, the memories I thought I'd forgottan. What is frustrating me is that we have to wait a week before my wifes liver biopsy before she can even get an appointmet with an oncologist. Feels as if it may as well be a year! And the insurance won't pay for a PET scan (Pre-authroize) until she has a liver biopsy. Her radiologist report from her abdominal CT scan last week is bleak! Mets to the lung, bone, liver, OMG!!! No idea where the primary site is.  She gets up at night because she hurts too much to lay flat. So I get up with her just to be in proiximity-I am depressed. This isn't supposed to be this way...again!!!!

To make matters harder we have custody of her (our) two Grandsons, ages 5 and 9. We have had them for about a year. We talked today about placement with a foster family. Neither my wife at 59 or me at 61 has the energy at this point and with what we are facing to take care of them any longer-time to call social services and throw in the towel. We can still be present in their lifes, but we have to take care of ourselves first.

 I am discouraged and feel I can't "Breathe!"



  • cheatinlil
    cheatinlil Member Posts: 197
    this is the caregivers

    this is the caregivers support site.  This place is designed to be all about you!  I'm sorry you are here but I promise you, you are not alone.  That is all I can promise though :(  The waiting is difficult but seems to be the norm.  The cancer centers seem to be in no hurry to get treatment started.  I hear that the cancer doesn't change that fast.  But the bottom line is their care is more important to us then them! BUt call someone and don't take no for an answer on the pain meds!  If you have to call after hours on call dr.  whatever you can do.  See her primary care dr.  if need be, someone should be able to prescribe something to make her more comfortable NOW, that is not on their time table.  The NOW yelling is not at you but the situation :(

    My husbands mets are kidney, lungs, spleen, and lots of little one's in his abdomin.  You are not alone with the mets :( sorry!  That is supposed to encourage you but I don't know how.

    So sorry to hear about your Grandsons.  Whatever you decide, to keep them or not, it is the right decision for you and only you can make that call.  Only you know what is best for you.  My son was 9 and I actually called a yellow cab to get him from daycare once cause I was running out of options.  THank God Yellow cab said no, you have to be 12.  It comes down to sometimes you have to ask the community and others for support.  You can't do this alone.  I hope you will reach out to others, before  you reach out to foster care.  I think there may be people in your circle, who have always wanted kids and could step in.  Kids are very resilient.  Feed and water them and they will grow :)  But I really hope foster and social services is a last resort, try everything else first.  My kids live on frozen, chicken nuggets, corn dogs, they don't need a lot of meal prep.  Those two little gofers may be able to help you more than you know with stuff.

    My husbands ex just dropped of his daughter with all her stuff this weekend.  As if I don't have enough on my plate.  But it could be a gift for her to spend more time with her Dad while she still can.  Oh and my husband is still paying child support!  I'm like, um, we need to cancel that, she lives here now!

    And back to you... get on some Antidepressents and sleep aids if need be.  Take care of you!

    Hugs to you.  Hang in there.