Thank you all so much for welcoming me!

Sharronoffaith

Hi everyone,

thank you all so much for replying to my post about going this alone.  I was really amazed at the number of replies, and the compassionate responses.  You all gave me a much greater understanding of what it is like to go through this, and the struggles we all face with the people around us.  

I know for sure I sometimes say the wrong things in rough situations like this, but my heart is in the right place.  I am now viewing my relationships through those glasses.  I think there are a few people in my life with a morbid curiosity, and even maybe a sick kinda satisfaction in my suffering.  But, I also now realize that, one person in particular, doesn't have such a positive outlook of herself.  In that, I am guilty of expecting more from her than she would even offer to herself.  So, I guess I am just making some distance between us.  

I plan on being here on a daily basis.  I want to get to know people, and to be supportive and purposeful also.  One thing I will share is that I am getting excellent care at MGH.  If anyone is looking in my area, I really like the hospital and their openess to spirituality.  They have a beautiful healing garden, and a Chapel.  I feel very welcom here.  

 

Thanks again for all your sharing and support.  I literally printed the list provided by Daisy, and was amazed at all the caring that was put into her post.  Everyone offered so deeply!

 

i pray for NED's for everyone!  And, I am very grateful to have this forum as a source of information and support.

God bless!

sharron

JanJan63

You're sweet to thank

You're sweet to thank everyone. You're so welcome. It makes me sad to think of anyone having to go through this alone or without support.

As for sprituality, as I've mentioned I almost died this past December from a pulmonary embolism, a blood clot to my lung. I was rushed to the hospital and was in full cardiac arrest when the paramedics arrived and I'm told I had five or more cardiac arrests depending on who I talk to. I had a stroke, kidney failure, a catstrophic brain bleed between the hemispheres, and was in a coma, and the neurologist discussed with my husband and daughter not trying to revive me anymore because of the damage they thought had been done to my brain. He figured I'd never be normal or myself again and, with having cancer, the kindest thing would be to let me go.

But I survived and am exactly the same as I used to be and have even come back physically after waking from the coma in a state of paralysis and relearning everything physical. Feeding myself, walking, everything. The ICU doctors told me I'd received a miracle and one said there was no medical explanation for my survival.

Here's the thing. While I have always had unquestioning faith, my husband has not. He was never a believer and was always trying to find the truth to prove to me that God didn't exist. But when I was in the coma he finally broke down and prayed for me in the chapel at the hospital. He asked that God not take away his best friend. I awoke from the coma the next day. His prayer was answered. Along with a number of other people I had praying for me including my daughter. Now my husband looks for proof that God exists. He reads different things than he used to and watches different shows and educates himself about the subject differently. It makes me happy and almost makes all the crap I went through worth it. Almost. It was a lot of crap.

Jan 

Sharronoffaith

JanJan63 said:

You're sweet to thank

You're sweet to thank everyone. You're so welcome. It makes me sad to think of anyone having to go through this alone or without support.

As for sprituality, as I've mentioned I almost died this past December from a pulmonary embolism, a blood clot to my lung. I was rushed to the hospital and was in full cardiac arrest when the paramedics arrived and I'm told I had five or more cardiac arrests depending on who I talk to. I had a stroke, kidney failure, a catstrophic brain bleed between the hemispheres, and was in a coma, and the neurologist discussed with my husband and daughter not trying to revive me anymore because of the damage they thought had been done to my brain. He figured I'd never be normal or myself again and, with having cancer, the kindest thing would be to let me go.

But I survived and am exactly the same as I used to be and have even come back physically after waking from the coma in a state of paralysis and relearning everything physical. Feeding myself, walking, everything. The ICU doctors told me I'd received a miracle and one said there was no medical explanation for my survival.

Here's the thing. While I have always had unquestioning faith, my husband has not. He was never a believer and was always trying to find the truth to prove to me that God didn't exist. But when I was in the coma he finally broke down and prayed for me in the chapel at the hospital. He asked that God not take away his best friend. I awoke from the coma the next day. His prayer was answered. Along with a number of other people I had praying for me including my daughter. Now my husband looks for proof that God exists. He reads different things than he used to and watches different shows and educates himself about the subject differently. It makes me happy and almost makes all the crap I went through worth it. Almost. It was a lot of crap.

Jan 

You are an amazing person

Hi Jan, thanks so much for sharing your story. sorry you went through all that!  I am such a chicken, I could not even imagine how tough that was. But, I believe that God is with us so much more in our gratest times of need. That is awesome to hear that your husband has embraced and explored his faith.  The love and human connections that arrise from these things can be so powerful.  Look at what the Lord has done through you!!!

i do feel saddness at being alone in this. But I think mostly I feel sad that humanity seems so lost. My sister not even acknowledging my cancer, and my very "taking" friends not responding in kindness has been a kick in the shins.  But, thank you all for showing me it is not personal. And, I do see that the friends I have expected kindness from, well, that has never been some of their styles.  And, I am filling my days with better things. I draw a lot, I go to the library, I have Tai Chi at the hospital, along with excellent medical care.  But, we have God!  And that is most important.  I just wish everyone had God!  Someday....

thanks again, and many blessings and prayers for you and your family,

sharron

Cathleen Mary

Sharronoffaith said:

You are an amazing person

Hi Jan, thanks so much for sharing your story. sorry you went through all that!  I am such a chicken, I could not even imagine how tough that was. But, I believe that God is with us so much more in our gratest times of need. That is awesome to hear that your husband has embraced and explored his faith.  The love and human connections that arrise from these things can be so powerful.  Look at what the Lord has done through you!!!

i do feel saddness at being alone in this. But I think mostly I feel sad that humanity seems so lost. My sister not even acknowledging my cancer, and my very "taking" friends not responding in kindness has been a kick in the shins.  But, thank you all for showing me it is not personal. And, I do see that the friends I have expected kindness from, well, that has never been some of their styles.  And, I am filling my days with better things. I draw a lot, I go to the library, I have Tai Chi at the hospital, along with excellent medical care.  But, we have God!  And that is most important.  I just wish everyone had God!  Someday....

thanks again, and many blessings and prayers for you and your family,

sharron

Hi Sharron,
welcome to the

Hi Sharron,

welcome to the board...a wonderful place for a soft landing. Great and knowledgeable folks. I, too, am followed at MGH though less frequently since I am NED. My care has been superb every step of the way. The Healing Garden has played an important role in my journey.

i wish you all the best. 

beaumontdave

Sharronoffaith said:

You are an amazing person

Hi Jan, thanks so much for sharing your story. sorry you went through all that!  I am such a chicken, I could not even imagine how tough that was. But, I believe that God is with us so much more in our gratest times of need. That is awesome to hear that your husband has embraced and explored his faith.  The love and human connections that arrise from these things can be so powerful.  Look at what the Lord has done through you!!!

i do feel saddness at being alone in this. But I think mostly I feel sad that humanity seems so lost. My sister not even acknowledging my cancer, and my very "taking" friends not responding in kindness has been a kick in the shins.  But, thank you all for showing me it is not personal. And, I do see that the friends I have expected kindness from, well, that has never been some of their styles.  And, I am filling my days with better things. I draw a lot, I go to the library, I have Tai Chi at the hospital, along with excellent medical care.  But, we have God!  And that is most important.  I just wish everyone had God!  Someday....

thanks again, and many blessings and prayers for you and your family,

sharron

Sharron, I'm glad you found

Sharron, I'm glad you found this blog, I'm sure it will serve you well. I've been quite alone in these last six months, even with kids and grandkids in the house. Mine and my wife's illnesses left us inceasing isolated as time went along. Most folks didn't intentionally shun us, but when we lost the carefree lifestyle we were enjoying prior to dx, people's perception of us probably changed as well, so I didn't really hold it against them. Cindy and I still saw our friends and family and enjoyed their company, but we didn't have people over like before and we turned down lots of invites because one or the other didn't feel up to it. She and I were together all time, at work and home, and that seemed enough, so we didn't do a lot of reaching out. When Cindy's cancer took a turn, family got closer and our mothers and our daughters stepped up and showed up as did our neighbors.  Even with all that, we were very isolated in ways I didn't expect. I hate pity and we were that "couple with cancer" which is mindset you could read on their faces. It made me not want to have company, so in some ways, the isolation was my doing, figuring if I didn't depend on others, they couldn't let me down. I still function that way, though I hook up socially now more than I have been. I guess my point is that I presumed most folks would disappoint, so I expected it and asked very little of those around us, a self-fulfilling scenario. I'm sorry those you thought you could count on pulled back on you or didn't step up. I hope you find the ones who will support you and at the same time I hope you gain the strength and peace-of-mind that wont let you be hurt by others shortcomings...............Dave

Sharronoffaith

Cathleen Mary said:

Hi Sharron,
welcome to the

Hi Sharron,

welcome to the board...a wonderful place for a soft landing. Great and knowledgeable folks. I, too, am followed at MGH though less frequently since I am NED. My care has been superb every step of the way. The Healing Garden has played an important role in my journey.

i wish you all the best. 

Thanks for sharing..

very happy to hear you are NED.  Yes, MGH is excellent. Glad you were taken great care of there also. I really like the doctors, the Healing Garden, and the Tai Chi in the Healing Garden every Tuesday. It is so comforting, and I like that they treat the whole person there. The Chapel is very spiritual moving for me.  I sat in there the day of my diagnosis, just before I even gor the news. And I started crying, and then sobbing. A volunteer asked if I wanted to speak with someome...then I had a little neverous burst of laughter.  At that point I felt and knew. So, I went and called the doctor. And she told me it was cancer. I was calm but still shocked, as I felt my spirit connected to God. 

Sharronoffaith

beaumontdave said:

Sharron, I'm glad you found

Sharron, I'm glad you found this blog, I'm sure it will serve you well. I've been quite alone in these last six months, even with kids and grandkids in the house. Mine and my wife's illnesses left us inceasing isolated as time went along. Most folks didn't intentionally shun us, but when we lost the carefree lifestyle we were enjoying prior to dx, people's perception of us probably changed as well, so I didn't really hold it against them. Cindy and I still saw our friends and family and enjoyed their company, but we didn't have people over like before and we turned down lots of invites because one or the other didn't feel up to it. She and I were together all time, at work and home, and that seemed enough, so we didn't do a lot of reaching out. When Cindy's cancer took a turn, family got closer and our mothers and our daughters stepped up and showed up as did our neighbors.  Even with all that, we were very isolated in ways I didn't expect. I hate pity and we were that "couple with cancer" which is mindset you could read on their faces. It made me not want to have company, so in some ways, the isolation was my doing, figuring if I didn't depend on others, they couldn't let me down. I still function that way, though I hook up socially now more than I have been. I guess my point is that I presumed most folks would disappoint, so I expected it and asked very little of those around us, a self-fulfilling scenario. I'm sorry those you thought you could count on pulled back on you or didn't step up. I hope you find the ones who will support you and at the same time I hope you gain the strength and peace-of-mind that wont let you be hurt by others shortcomings...............Dave

Very well spoken!

hi Dave, sorry for your struggles with cancer and the people around you. Yeah, I think it is very hard for folks to know what to say or do, especially if we don't ask. I am learning here, thanks to folks postings, that really people don't know what to say or do.  But, I see you as pretty independent like me. That said, it has to be tough with both of you going through this. I am a believer in God, so if I say I will pray for someone I sure do. And that I will do, for you, Cindy, and the others I meet here. I appreciate the sharing and the words of wisdom. 

That said, I think sometimes people may look like they pity us, but it may really be empathy. most folks have a serious disease somewhere in their family/immediate circle, and that probably brings up strong feelings for them. 

One friend actually made her colonoscopy appointment when I told her of me. Clearly she worried it could happen to her, and I was glad she took the information for the doctor who did my test, and she called right away. Hey, if we scare someone into saving their life---our sharing has purpose.  

Best well wishes, and prayers for NED.

Sharron