pity party for one

Options

havnt posted anything in some time back in aug i had my surgery, well all went well or so i thought things do not seem to be improving as it seems this ride that i so despritly want to get off of does not seem to stop. well according to my last ct they did find a spot on my lung and they are not sure if cancer or not. they also said that one on my lyph nodes had showed sign. my dr's believe that im doing well right now with no plans for cemo or radiation they will check me again in 6 months but in the mean time my isurance has droped me with no notice and my husband has not been working with no fault to him. im not sure what im to do between dealing with all of my emotions from all of this being 26 years old and forced into metapos does not help and no one in my daily life to truly understand. i feel like a one man band at times i know im not alone its just hard to feel that way. its odd to go to family events and see friends and they just look at you with such sorrow or they just distance them selves all together. i dont even feel like leaving my home i feel like even when i go to the grocery store when i see new families with there little ones my heart breaks. yes i know very much there is adoption and a little one out there who needs a loving family but its still hard to look at the bright side of things. most of the time i just want to cry and never stop or just run away and never look back. my mom and my husband have been a great support team and i know without them i dont think i would have ever made it this far..just trying to keep my head above the water.

Comments

  • AWK
    AWK Member Posts: 364 Member
    Options
    Hugs

    Let it all out, that is what we are here for.  Keeping you in my prayers and sending hugs.  Be gentle with yourself.  Anne

  • NoTimeForCancer
    NoTimeForCancer Member Posts: 3,382 Member
    Options
    Lost, I am sorry you are

    Lost, I am sorry you are having such a hard time.  This isn't easy and it has been a tough month.  Is there anyone you can talk to?  A pastor or priest?  Someone with your local hospital?  They might be able to hook you up with some local services to help.  You know you are among friends here, and we can lend our ear and shoulder but maybe you can find someone in your community you can help with resources.

  • TeddyandBears_Mom
    TeddyandBears_Mom Member Posts: 1,814 Member
    Options

    Lost, I am sorry you are

    Lost, I am sorry you are having such a hard time.  This isn't easy and it has been a tough month.  Is there anyone you can talk to?  A pastor or priest?  Someone with your local hospital?  They might be able to hook you up with some local services to help.  You know you are among friends here, and we can lend our ear and shoulder but maybe you can find someone in your community you can help with resources.

    Depression...

    Lost, you are very young to go through this forced menopause.  My neice had cervical cancer in her early 30s and experienced the same thing.  She was put on anti-depressants for about 9 months. It helped her a lot.  You may want to consider discussing that with your doctor.  My neice was told this happens more than 50% of the time when young women have hysterectomies.  And for whatever reason, the GYNs don't feel a need to warn you.

    I hope you find some peace very soon. 

    Love and Hugs,

    Cindi

  • EZLiving66
    EZLiving66 Member Posts: 1,483 Member
    Options
    I don't know what state you're in

    I don't know what state you're in but in most cases it is now against the law for your insurance company to just drop you unless you did not pay your premium and even then you have a grace period.  My cousin is the person in our county here in Wisconsin who works as an advocate for women's health and health insurance.  Does your hospital have a insurance/financial person you can talk to?

    I am so sorry, hon, about not being able to have children but as the mother of four kids - two of whom were adopted - I love them all the same.  I agree with the other advice to get on an anti-depressant and get some counseling.  

    I care!!

    Eldri

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    Options
    This saddens me to the max.

    You are too young to be given this blow, I know it must be distressing and frightening for you,we are all sorry about that. However I am driven to tell you that  age is on your side ,you may not be able to direct the wind with your disease but if you treat your physical and mental  self well and stay properly nourished the signs are that better treatment options and probably curative ones are around the bend for your generation that is the belief of many oncologists ,scientist and researchers world wide.  Despite cancer be good to you by staying out of depression's way as much as you can,no matter what others say or do, don't waste time taking it on. ,get involved in many things if you physically can,it will also help with the mental part. and supports your head as you keep lifting it  higher than the dreaded water line. Tears fog up your thought process and no matter where you run ,there YOU will be.

     With the beast Cancer, friends and family won't know how to behave unless you show them ,if you are positive and hopeful it will rub off on those around you in a positive way.  If you are sad and pityful their only reaction will be sorrow and avoidance  of your presence, not because they don't care but because they don't know how to mend your pained body or your  ever showing broken spirit, it leaves others feeling helpless and unsure how to behave so they too will be imprisoned by your reaction to your illness. All of what I am telling you will sound like rubbish but you won't lose anything trying it.Just tell them individually how their distance or pitying look makes you feel, and ask for the treatment you desire, you will be giving them their get out of behavioral jail card , and they will now know better.Sit one on one  with all the people you care about and help them to help and support you ,since you already told them ( a subject in itself as sometimes we tend to draw people into the boat before we have figured out how to row it. ) of your misfortune.,

    Thanks to the Creator for your mom and husband I wish them mental  strength to see you through these rough times.

    That damn ole America with it's third world none existent real health care for all.I hope you will get knowledgable help paddling that boat successfully,be proactive,get on social media and shame your political representative into taking action.

    In our own way we are with you at this party, I am hoping that the dreadful music dies down soon and you will be embracing life again without the fog . I wish you renewed health my young sister.

    Just a thought, It is wonderful and fulfilling to have a child  of your own flesh and blood but it is wonderfully marvelous to live a fulfilling life while you are alive. Please don't rob yourself of living by dwelling on the  'no do over things' ,its debilitating, and unproductive.I beg you my young sister  PUT IT DOWN., Hug those you love and care about they are here and you are here,let that matter.

    I wish you peace of mind ,may be a long time coming but you will get there . Tight,Tight hugs. Moli.

     

     

     

     

     

  • Abbycat2
    Abbycat2 Member Posts: 644 Member
    Options
    molimoli said:

    This saddens me to the max.

    You are too young to be given this blow, I know it must be distressing and frightening for you,we are all sorry about that. However I am driven to tell you that  age is on your side ,you may not be able to direct the wind with your disease but if you treat your physical and mental  self well and stay properly nourished the signs are that better treatment options and probably curative ones are around the bend for your generation that is the belief of many oncologists ,scientist and researchers world wide.  Despite cancer be good to you by staying out of depression's way as much as you can,no matter what others say or do, don't waste time taking it on. ,get involved in many things if you physically can,it will also help with the mental part. and supports your head as you keep lifting it  higher than the dreaded water line. Tears fog up your thought process and no matter where you run ,there YOU will be.

     With the beast Cancer, friends and family won't know how to behave unless you show them ,if you are positive and hopeful it will rub off on those around you in a positive way.  If you are sad and pityful their only reaction will be sorrow and avoidance  of your presence, not because they don't care but because they don't know how to mend your pained body or your  ever showing broken spirit, it leaves others feeling helpless and unsure how to behave so they too will be imprisoned by your reaction to your illness. All of what I am telling you will sound like rubbish but you won't lose anything trying it.Just tell them individually how their distance or pitying look makes you feel, and ask for the treatment you desire, you will be giving them their get out of behavioral jail card , and they will now know better.Sit one on one  with all the people you care about and help them to help and support you ,since you already told them ( a subject in itself as sometimes we tend to draw people into the boat before we have figured out how to row it. ) of your misfortune.,

    Thanks to the Creator for your mom and husband I wish them mental  strength to see you through these rough times.

    That damn ole America with it's third world none existent real health care for all.I hope you will get knowledgable help paddling that boat successfully,be proactive,get on social media and shame your political representative into taking action.

    In our own way we are with you at this party, I am hoping that the dreadful music dies down soon and you will be embracing life again without the fog . I wish you renewed health my young sister.

    Just a thought, It is wonderful and fulfilling to have a child  of your own flesh and blood but it is wonderfully marvelous to live a fulfilling life while you are alive. Please don't rob yourself of living by dwelling on the  'no do over things' ,its debilitating, and unproductive.I beg you my young sister  PUT IT DOWN., Hug those you love and care about they are here and you are here,let that matter.

    I wish you peace of mind ,may be a long time coming but you will get there . Tight,Tight hugs. Moli.

     

     

     

     

     

    Lost, it saddens me to hear of your situation

     

    Fortunately, you have the support of your husband and mother.  Youth is definitely on your side in terms of outcome of treatment.  Is there a support group locally that can assist you?  I attended an ovarian cancer support group for a while and that helped me cope with my newly diagnosed cancer.  I agree with Eldri, I don't think an insurance company can just drop you unless you stopped paying the premiums.  Each state has an office that deals with insurance complaints.  It might be called the Insurance Commission, or something similiar.  What state do you live in?  Perhaps I can help you locate that office.  I have worked for state government for 25 years and could likely figure out what you must do to file a complaint.   Seek some support group or counseling, if you can.  Often hospitals provide cancer support groups.

    Wishing you the best,

    Cathy  

  • Lou Ann M
    Lou Ann M Member Posts: 996 Member
    Options
    I wish I had the words to

    I wish I had the words to give you the comfort that you need.  This is hard for all of us but it has to be especially hard for someone as young as you are.  Beside all the uncertianty, you are also grieving for the loss of babies you aren't goung to have.  I am glad you have th support of you husbands and mom.  Look for some other support , too.  a pastor, a consulor,  Your cancer center may have a support communuty.  There is help out there.  You are strong and you will get through this.  Let thetears flow they can wash away a lot of heartache.  Jesus loves you for free.  Hugs and prayers, Lou Ann

  • lostinthefog
    lostinthefog Member Posts: 20
    Options
    thank you everyone

    thank you everyone for all of your kind words and advice. im still trying to figure out the isurance issue. i wasnt dropped due to failure to pay my insurance is through the state and i had no co pay. im still trying to look into getting everything figured out. things have still been really tuff and just dont seem to get better but i keep looking on the the brighter side of things. thanks again.

  • Editgrl
    Editgrl Member Posts: 903 Member
    Options

    thank you everyone

    thank you everyone for all of your kind words and advice. im still trying to figure out the isurance issue. i wasnt dropped due to failure to pay my insurance is through the state and i had no co pay. im still trying to look into getting everything figured out. things have still been really tuff and just dont seem to get better but i keep looking on the the brighter side of things. thanks again.

    I'm sorry

    I'm sorry things are still tough for you.  Sometimes it does seem that the you-know-what hits the fan when we least need it to.

    I do hope that you get the insurance thing straightened out soon, but most importantly, know that you are not alone in all of this.  At the very least, we are a place to vent and to air those feelings that you feel you can't share with anybody else.  We do listen and we do hear.

    Chris

  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    Options
    Editgrl said:

    I'm sorry

    I'm sorry things are still tough for you.  Sometimes it does seem that the you-know-what hits the fan when we least need it to.

    I do hope that you get the insurance thing straightened out soon, but most importantly, know that you are not alone in all of this.  At the very least, we are a place to vent and to air those feelings that you feel you can't share with anybody else.  We do listen and we do hear.

    Chris

    Insurance

    Your medical practice social worker or billing department should also be able to guide you with this insurance issue.  A good friend of mine was recently dxd with both breast and endometrial cancers and had no insurance.  She says they could not afford to buy it (she was self employed and her husband's job did not provide health insurance).  Her husband was let go and then they were really in a pickle.  Her primary care office worked with her to get coverage at no cost, no co-pay.  It is based on income and theirs was in dire straights. 

    A recent saying I saw that I really like:

    "Wanting access to health care for everyone does not make you a socialist nor a communist.  It simply makes you a good person."

    Best,

    Suzanne

  • EZLiving66
    EZLiving66 Member Posts: 1,483 Member
    Options

    Insurance

    Your medical practice social worker or billing department should also be able to guide you with this insurance issue.  A good friend of mine was recently dxd with both breast and endometrial cancers and had no insurance.  She says they could not afford to buy it (she was self employed and her husband's job did not provide health insurance).  Her husband was let go and then they were really in a pickle.  Her primary care office worked with her to get coverage at no cost, no co-pay.  It is based on income and theirs was in dire straights. 

    A recent saying I saw that I really like:

    "Wanting access to health care for everyone does not make you a socialist nor a communist.  It simply makes you a good person."

    Best,

    Suzanne

    So true

    I don't think people realize they can get insurance for next-to-nothing if their income is low.  One of our guy's wife works right at the hospital in the evening helping low income people get health insurance.  When people come to the emergency room without coverage, she meets with them.

    Access to quality health care should be a right just like public education.

    Take care,

    Eldri