New here

Bsallen

My mom found a lump last month and was diagnosed with breast cancer this month. She is her2 positive and estrogen/progesterone negative. She is doing 6 rounds of chemo and then her doctor will determine what to do next regarding surgery and radiation. Her lump is over 5cm (if I remember correctly, but that just sounds huge). I'm looking for information, facts, people who have gone through this themselves, support, success stories...really whatever you can provide me Be real with me, I need to know how I can help my mom and also what to expect. I so appreciate any of you who take the time to reply.

twnkltoz

Welcome, and sorry about your

Welcome, and sorry about your mom. I'm not sure where to begin without specific questions, but know that breast cancer treatment has come a long way, even in the last few years. It's very treatable, and the treatments, while awful, are much more manageable than they used to be. Read enough to educate yourself, but not too much... And ignore the statistics.

disneyfan2008

twnkltoz said:

Welcome, and sorry about your

Welcome, and sorry about your mom. I'm not sure where to begin without specific questions, but know that breast cancer treatment has come a long way, even in the last few years. It's very treatable, and the treatments, while awful, are much more manageable than they used to be. Read enough to educate yourself, but not too much... And ignore the statistics.

twnkltoz
 
good Advice and

twnkltoz

 

good Advice and suggestions

disneyfan2008

what helped me- at the start

what helped me- at the start of my JOURNEY,  I took 2-3 xtra people with me to LISTEN...i was ok for part of the visits with Drs and then it would go to a BLURRR-so i took friends -which was very helpful to me.

 

Denise

Puffin2014

welcome to the site

You're probably at that stage where you don't even know what you should ask.

It's not unusual to do chemo first to shrink the tumor before the surgery. Being her2positive is a good thing, it adds a treatment that can be used.

It's overwhelming to look at the whole picture, don't look too far down the road, focus on the present and take each step as it comes. Don't go searching all over the internet, will only increase your anxiety and not all info is current or good. Stay with this site or breastcancer.org, which my onc told me about and I have found it extremely helpful. Besides having excellent educational articles, their discussion forums are subdivided, so you can follow forums specifically for those who have had mastectomies, chemo, radiation, etc. I started with the lumpectomy forum, then moved to the chemo forum, then the radiation forum, and now am active on the Arimidex forum. Be sure and mark any forum you like as a favorite so it's easy to find again and easy to see when new responses have been added.

Do you live close to your mom and can help with day to day things? Or live in another city? If you can go with her to her doctor's appointments, that would be helpful, both as a support to her and also as another set of ears. Another suggestion I'd have is to ask your mom's Dr if it's OK that you record her appointments with your smart phone/iPod. They cover so much info it's hard to take it all in, and even having a second person with you isn't always the answer. Lew wasn't very good at taking notes. It was several months between my first visit with the radiologist and when I finally started radiation, and it was so helpful to go back and relisten to that first session.

Sounds like chemo is what you need to focus on first. Has she started? Everyone reacts different to chemo, check if her center has a chemo class and if it does be sure and take it. You need to know what you can do to prevent side effects and how to deal with things as they come up. Knowledge is power. She will lose her hair within a couple weeks of starting chemo. If you have a local American Cancer Society office nearby take her there to get a free wig. It helps to pick it out while she still has her own hair to help match up color and style. You can also order 3 free caps/scarves from their catalog that are mailed to her home.

How old is your mom? Does she have a job? Is she home alone or are there other people in the house to help? Are there people who depend on your mom, like other kids, or an ill husband?

There are excellent meds now for nausea so that isn't so much of a problem with chemo as it used to be. If one med doesn't work, call Dr right away and switch to something else, there are many to choose from. Drinking lots of fluids is important, water gets boring so having a variety of options helps. Even without the nausea it can be a challenge to find foods that taste good, just takes some experimenting. My food all tasted bland, lemon was one flavor that came through so I drank lots of lemonade.

Fatigue seems to be a problem for everyone, anything you can do to help with shopping (she should stay away from crowds as her immunity will be lower), food prep, running errands, cleaning, etc will be a big help.

Guess I've rambled on long enough. I know this is a scary time for your family. Take a deep breath, stay focused on the present, and you will get through this.

This is a wonderful site, let us know how you're doing.

camul

Hi.

Glad you found this site. It is hard to say what to expect because everyone reacts differently. A lot depends on age, other medical conditions, and each oncologist has their own way of treating cancer.  I think one of the most important things is to be there for her. Help her as much as she is willing to let you, however, let her do things that she is able to herself.  

I tire easily and there were days when friends would call and I felt well enuf to go to lunch or shopping, then maybe a day or two later someone else would call and I just didn't feel well. So I would say today is not a good day.  Sometimes some got hurt feelings, believing I was "being selective" and took it personally.  That was not at all the case.  Some days, the thought of food was enuf to make me nauseated.  I usually felt the best, for the two days prior to chemo when I was getting it weekly, and when I was getting it every 21 days, I felt the best about 7-10 days before a treatment.  Also, the chemo is progressive, and the fatigue seems to wear you out more with each treatment.  Always remember, it does end, it is doable, and as hard as it is, it is saving her life.  Always remember the light at the end of treatment!

I asked people with small kids, to leave them at home as my white cell count would drop from the chemo making me susceptible to infections.  Also, she does not want to be around friends or family who have recently been vaccinated.  She is susceptible to picking up whatever they were vaccinated for.  At first it was hard to tell people not to come, but my onco explained it was my life we were talking about, and whooping cough was going around. Friends and family understood.

Make sure she has a variety of easy foods, like yogurt, soups, popsicles, sandwiches, ice chips, water, candies like gummi bears, hard candies, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, grilled cheese.  I say a variety because what tasted good one day I couldn't even think of eating the next day.  Ice chips helped with mouth sores and kept me hydrated.  Make sure she has plenty of water and any kind of liquids, especially following chemo to wash out it out of her system.  Popcycles were the best, helped with sores and kept me hydrated.  

Main thing is have patience with her.  She may tire easily, get irritated with things that never bothered her before, and she may not want to talk about what is going on, or how she feels.  I known it was hard, and still is sometimes, to talk about hoe I feel with my kids.  I was always the strong one.  I am not comfortable telling my kids I am scared at times because they feel bad that they can't fix me, and face it, just hearing someone you love has cancer is scary, when it is your own mom,  it is really hard, the only thing harder would be if it was your child. 

Big thing is remember to have fun and plan some fun things you can do together on the good days!  Keep a sense of humor.  A good laugh does wonders.  I was having my own pity party one day and a friend called to see if I wanted to go see a movie.  Reluctantly I went. We saw  "Its Complicated".  We LAUGHED so hard, that I can honestly say, I completely forgot about the pity party.  Lastly, keep things as normal as you can.  This can be a great bonding time, sounds like you are already close, or you wouldn't be taking the time to see what you can do to make it better.  Honestly, do whatever she is up to doing, but respect her when she says she is too tired or just is not up to or able to do something!  

Hope this helps, I started this lovely trip in 2002, have had breaks in between treatments, and have learned or chosen, to "do what I can do when I feel good enuf to do something, and give myself permission to do absolutely nothing, without guilt, when I am not up to moving about!  My goal is to have as much fun with family and friends as I can.  This continues to work for me, I hope it helps you.  I will be totally honest.  This is not easy, there is nothing easy about it.  It can be scary, tiring, nauseating, at times I feel like I am a burden to my family and friends, at times it is painful.  On the flip side, I have met some truly amazing people that I would never have met otherwise.   I have realized how strong I really am.  I have become closer to my family and friends.  And lastly, I have developed a stronger faith and truly believe that there has to be a reason for everything I am and will go through with this.  I use to wonder how people could say life was great when they were going through so much, but something changed and I actually do notice things now and see beauty where prior to being sick, I was always so "busy" trying to just get through the day that I was not appreciating some of the smallest, yet amazingly beautiful things and people all around me.  

Hugs and prayers to you and your mom as cancer affects the whole family, not just the patient.

Carol

 

 

 

Puffin2014

camul said:

Hi.

Glad you found this site. It is hard to say what to expect because everyone reacts differently. A lot depends on age, other medical conditions, and each oncologist has their own way of treating cancer.  I think one of the most important things is to be there for her. Help her as much as she is willing to let you, however, let her do things that she is able to herself.  

I tire easily and there were days when friends would call and I felt well enuf to go to lunch or shopping, then maybe a day or two later someone else would call and I just didn't feel well. So I would say today is not a good day.  Sometimes some got hurt feelings, believing I was "being selective" and took it personally.  That was not at all the case.  Some days, the thought of food was enuf to make me nauseated.  I usually felt the best, for the two days prior to chemo when I was getting it weekly, and when I was getting it every 21 days, I felt the best about 7-10 days before a treatment.  Also, the chemo is progressive, and the fatigue seems to wear you out more with each treatment.  Always remember, it does end, it is doable, and as hard as it is, it is saving her life.  Always remember the light at the end of treatment!

I asked people with small kids, to leave them at home as my white cell count would drop from the chemo making me susceptible to infections.  Also, she does not want to be around friends or family who have recently been vaccinated.  She is susceptible to picking up whatever they were vaccinated for.  At first it was hard to tell people not to come, but my onco explained it was my life we were talking about, and whooping cough was going around. Friends and family understood.

Make sure she has a variety of easy foods, like yogurt, soups, popsicles, sandwiches, ice chips, water, candies like gummi bears, hard candies, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, grilled cheese.  I say a variety because what tasted good one day I couldn't even think of eating the next day.  Ice chips helped with mouth sores and kept me hydrated.  Make sure she has plenty of water and any kind of liquids, especially following chemo to wash out it out of her system.  Popcycles were the best, helped with sores and kept me hydrated.  

Main thing is have patience with her.  She may tire easily, get irritated with things that never bothered her before, and she may not want to talk about what is going on, or how she feels.  I known it was hard, and still is sometimes, to talk about hoe I feel with my kids.  I was always the strong one.  I am not comfortable telling my kids I am scared at times because they feel bad that they can't fix me, and face it, just hearing someone you love has cancer is scary, when it is your own mom,  it is really hard, the only thing harder would be if it was your child. 

Big thing is remember to have fun and plan some fun things you can do together on the good days!  Keep a sense of humor.  A good laugh does wonders.  I was having my own pity party one day and a friend called to see if I wanted to go see a movie.  Reluctantly I went. We saw  "Its Complicated".  We LAUGHED so hard, that I can honestly say, I completely forgot about the pity party.  Lastly, keep things as normal as you can.  This can be a great bonding time, sounds like you are already close, or you wouldn't be taking the time to see what you can do to make it better.  Honestly, do whatever she is up to doing, but respect her when she says she is too tired or just is not up to or able to do something!  

Hope this helps, I started this lovely trip in 2002, have had breaks in between treatments, and have learned or chosen, to "do what I can do when I feel good enuf to do something, and give myself permission to do absolutely nothing, without guilt, when I am not up to moving about!  My goal is to have as much fun with family and friends as I can.  This continues to work for me, I hope it helps you.  I will be totally honest.  This is not easy, there is nothing easy about it.  It can be scary, tiring, nauseating, at times I feel like I am a burden to my family and friends, at times it is painful.  On the flip side, I have met some truly amazing people that I would never have met otherwise.   I have realized how strong I really am.  I have become closer to my family and friends.  And lastly, I have developed a stronger faith and truly believe that there has to be a reason for everything I am and will go through with this.  I use to wonder how people could say life was great when they were going through so much, but something changed and I actually do notice things now and see beauty where prior to being sick, I was always so "busy" trying to just get through the day that I was not appreciating some of the smallest, yet amazingly beautiful things and people all around me.  

Hugs and prayers to you and your mom as cancer affects the whole family, not just the patient.

Carol

 

 

 

awesome answer

Awesome answer Carol!

Lydia1234

This is all wonderful

This is all wonderful advice.  I would just like to add 1 thing.  Maybe you already do this but it helps just to hear I Love You often.  It is very hard for a mother to tell her children about cancer.  My children have always looked at me as their rock.  For them to hear that the person they have always counted on is now facing an illness is very scary.  We mothers try to put up a good front for our children so that they won't worry.  As a mother the most difficult thing is to see one of your children going through something that you cannot make better.  I suppose it is the same for a child with a sick parent.  It sounds like you are a good daughter and you will be there to help your mom any way you can.  That will mean a lot to her I'm sure. 

Teach76

Welcome!

Welcome to this wonderful community!   I recently finished my chemo and I am awaiting to schedule my surgery.  For me, after 4 rounds (out of 6) I could feel a significant difference in my lump.  Take one step at a time, and come and visit with us when you have questions or feel a need to vent.

when you learn more, if you and your Mom decide to share here, it will be helpful for us to respond if we know the chemo drugs that she will be receiving.  There are several combinations, and those who receive what she does would best be able to help.

in the meantime, make each day special - from my own personal experience as of late, please ask from time to time if she is feeling overwhelmed.  This was something that I experienced.  While it was great to have friends and family calling all the time and stopping by to visit, there were times when I just wanted to sleep, or do something by myself.  I know there is no easy balance, but just something to keep in mind.

blessings of the season!

estheris

New Here-

Hello Everyone,

 

I am new here as well. Bsallen, I am so sorry about your Mother.  Seems like we had a similar case, stage 2 and I did 6 rounds of chemo.  However, my lump was half the size she had but yes it is still cancer.

I am just logging on and your post is dated Oct 22nd so i hope she is doing well.

 

Prayers for everyone.