Trying so hard to be positive but...

j24

Today is my Mom's last chemo! She has Stage 4 Diffued Large B-Cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. I should be ecstatic, but I'm not. I'm terrified. I'm fearful. I'm pessismistic. My Mom is so excited (as she should be!) but I am so protective. I don't want her to let her guard down because I'm scared it will come back.

 

I feel like it's too good to be true. I feel like it's not all gone. I feel like her pet scan is going to come back and they're going to reccomend another 6 chemo cycles. I don't want to get my hopes up that this is finally over and then have the pet scan show otherwise. Her halfway petscan did show that the chemo is working, so why am I freaking out?! I'm also terrified, that even if it is all gone, what if her cancer comes back? I know she can't go through this again. 

 

My favorite quote EVER: "Worry is interest paid in advance on a debt you may never owe."

Why can't I follow this?! Does anyone else feel this way?

Barbaraek

Trying hard to be positive...

I think your fears and worry are very normal, and I think it's appropriate to acknowledge them. But then perhaps try and visualize a positive picture...maybe you and your mom enjoying a mini-vacation, or some shopping, or lunch out. Worrying sucks aways your energy that you need as a caregiver. I am caregiver to my husband who is currently undergoing chemoradiation. His prognosis is not encouraging but I try to take it day by day and not worry too much about what may happen. Lately I have been telling myself "why not?" Why not be in the minority of people who don't recur? Why not be an example of a cure? Why not enjoy more vacations? So when I start to think the negative, I acknowledge that I have that thought, literally tell it to go away and then try to replace it with a better thought.

Best of luck to you,

Barb