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sflgirl
sflgirl Member Posts: 220 Member

Wondering,

My kids are 22 and 24.  Completely in denial.  I'm stage 4, mets to liver but Ned since resection in May.  More to come no doubt.  They think when my chemo is done in two months that life continues the way it was before.  Anyone else experienced this?  I don't want my mortality to dominate their thoughts but realism is a good thing too.  Any thoughts? 

Thanks,

Andrea

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  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,800 Member
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    Its no big deal...

    My boys are 24 and 26 and now that I am through with treatment, my liver run-in and enjoying the clear scans, they feel that it is no big deal anymore.....well, thats how it feels to me sometimes. 

    I asked my oldest if he realized the implications of Stage IV Cancer, and he said 'You're not going to die' and basically left it like that. 

    Sometimes I feel like they don't care. Other times I think that they do know what might happen, but don't want to put a voice to it. I think they must know how it is a constant part of my thought and don't see the need to worry me by expressing any concern. 

    It is hard for me to really know how they are handling it, and they aren't telling me. 

    My guess would be that your children know that Cancer doesn't always go away with treatment, but want to be positive for you. Not knowing them, I could be way off, but there you go...

    Good luck!

    Sue - Trubrit

     

     

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
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    Kids and others

    I think we notice this in our close family the most, but the "no treatment, must be cured" syndrom exists in most who know us.

    Regardless of how we feel physically or emotionally, no one wants to believc we will not be here forever.It is not only the young who prefer to beleive all will be back to normal, but they are perhaps the most apt to project it.  To do otherwise would be to live in fear, or to be less than supportive to you (in their minds).

    I feel that if you keep them updated on your treatments, scans, etc. as you move forward that is enough. 

    You can also let them know about what things you might be changing or doing sooner rather than later.  If they question the change, just let them know that having cancer has made you realize that life can be shorter than we had hoped for or ever imagined.

    If you have a recurrance, which I hope you don't, that will be the time to deal with the issue in more detail.

    Hugs,

    Marie who loves kitties

     

  • sflgirl
    sflgirl Member Posts: 220 Member
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    Trubrit said:

    Its no big deal...

    My boys are 24 and 26 and now that I am through with treatment, my liver run-in and enjoying the clear scans, they feel that it is no big deal anymore.....well, thats how it feels to me sometimes. 

    I asked my oldest if he realized the implications of Stage IV Cancer, and he said 'You're not going to die' and basically left it like that. 

    Sometimes I feel like they don't care. Other times I think that they do know what might happen, but don't want to put a voice to it. I think they must know how it is a constant part of my thought and don't see the need to worry me by expressing any concern. 

    It is hard for me to really know how they are handling it, and they aren't telling me. 

    My guess would be that your children know that Cancer doesn't always go away with treatment, but want to be positive for you. Not knowing them, I could be way off, but there you go...

    Good luck!

    Sue - Trubrit

     

     

    Sounds familiar

    My son says the same thing " you're not going to die".  They can't imagine otherwise I guess.  

    Thanks for your input.

    Andrea

  • sflgirl
    sflgirl Member Posts: 220 Member
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    Kids and others

    I think we notice this in our close family the most, but the "no treatment, must be cured" syndrom exists in most who know us.

    Regardless of how we feel physically or emotionally, no one wants to believc we will not be here forever.It is not only the young who prefer to beleive all will be back to normal, but they are perhaps the most apt to project it.  To do otherwise would be to live in fear, or to be less than supportive to you (in their minds).

    I feel that if you keep them updated on your treatments, scans, etc. as you move forward that is enough. 

    You can also let them know about what things you might be changing or doing sooner rather than later.  If they question the change, just let them know that having cancer has made you realize that life can be shorter than we had hoped for or ever imagined.

    If you have a recurrance, which I hope you don't, that will be the time to deal with the issue in more detail.

    Hugs,

    Marie who loves kitties

     

    Thanks

    I appreciate your thoughtful post and think you are right, it's not just kids but the others around us too.

    I'm on vacation with both kids right now, making memories.  Hoping they won't need them for awhile.

    Best,

    Andrea

  • Easyflip
    Easyflip Member Posts: 588 Member
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    Just

    love and live and be grateful for the time you have today. Don't talk numbers, they're just numbers, not a hug a smile or an embrace. A little denial never hurt anyone, just be smart and vigilant. No one gets out of here alive! Best wishes!

    Easyflip/Richard

  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571 Member
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    Cancer is so hard on our children,

    no matter what age they are.  My kids were 5, 14, and 17 when I got dx'ed with stage 4 cancer, so we experienced all the different ways kids at different ages can respond...none were easy.

    But since you're NED, I wouldn't worry about how much they can accept at this point.  I've been NED for almost four years now, and you might have the same outcome, you never know.  Just enjoy your time together as best you can!

  • GSP2
    GSP2 Member Posts: 103 Member
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    My take

    I think that any child who has been close to his parent has some built in denial at work.

    We have weathered storms in the past, we'll find a way to be around for them in the future.

    When they start asking questions is when fear and or reality starts to take over.

  • sflgirl
    sflgirl Member Posts: 220 Member
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    Easyflip said:

    Just

    love and live and be grateful for the time you have today. Don't talk numbers, they're just numbers, not a hug a smile or an embrace. A little denial never hurt anyone, just be smart and vigilant. No one gets out of here alive! Best wishes!

    Easyflip/Richard

    Love your perspective

    Thanks,

    Andrea

  • sflgirl
    sflgirl Member Posts: 220 Member
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    Cancer is so hard on our children,

    no matter what age they are.  My kids were 5, 14, and 17 when I got dx'ed with stage 4 cancer, so we experienced all the different ways kids at different ages can respond...none were easy.

    But since you're NED, I wouldn't worry about how much they can accept at this point.  I've been NED for almost four years now, and you might have the same outcome, you never know.  Just enjoy your time together as best you can!

    NED

    Such good news for you, I hope to follow in your footsteps.

    Andrea

  • sflgirl
    sflgirl Member Posts: 220 Member
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    GSP2 said:

    My take

    I think that any child who has been close to his parent has some built in denial at work.

    We have weathered storms in the past, we'll find a way to be around for them in the future.

    When they start asking questions is when fear and or reality starts to take over.

    No news is good news

    for our kids.  Thanks for your thoughts.

    Andrea

  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
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    Youth!

    Often at that age they feel they are invincible. Then again many "adults" don't get it either. Maybe people deal with things by not dealing with things. Se la vie...

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,800 Member
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    PhillieG said:

    Youth!

    Often at that age they feel they are invincible. Then again many "adults" don't get it either. Maybe people deal with things by not dealing with things. Se la vie...

    Handsome man!

    Love the new avatar, PhillieG