Please Help... Emotional and Mental Support and Advice Needed

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AllisonTaylor
AllisonTaylor Member Posts: 8
edited July 2015 in Breast Cancer #1

Ever since my bilateral mastectomy, I have been on some drugs to prevent remission but they are really messing with my memory. Most often, it is just for short periods of time and eventually I remember what I had forgotten. But it scares me so much, especially since I am  only 36 years old! How can I be this weak? I am too young to not be able to eat on my own or take a walk alone when I need some fresh air. Emotionally, I just really don’t want everyone I am close with to treat me differently and tiptoe around me. How do I get help for this, but also make sure I am not permanently looked at as “the girl with cancer.”? My mom died of breast cancer just three weeks after my diagnosis, I am not close to my sisters since they have been so distant, and my father is very old and fragile. I live with my boyfriend of six years but I really don't know what to do. My hormones and emotions are all over the place and sometimes I lash out at him without meaning to. I know it hurts him, and he has been distancing himself lately. What do I do? Please tell me one of you has experienced these feelings. I want us to be able to return to the happy, loving, and carefree couple we used to be. Is there any hope for that?

Allison

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  • desertgirl947
    desertgirl947 Member Posts: 653 Member
    #2
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    A starting point would be to

    A starting point would be to talk to your onc about your meds,  There are a variety of drugs used for hormonal therapy -- I assume that is what you are on.  I know that not every person handles the same treatment the same.  I am on tamoxifen, but I do not have the emotional roller coaster you seem to have.  Some handle tamoxifen just fine; others do not.  That is why I suggest you talk to your onc  -- make an appointment rather than wait for your next scheduled one.

    As for the situation with you and your manfriend, I would say things depend on what kind of a guy he truly is.  Some couples do not handle this whole thing very well.  Others fare through it fine.  My husband and I managed just fine.  We remained true to our wedding vows to love each other in sickness and in health.  In most ways, life has returned to normal for us, for which we are thankful.

    I am three years past surgery(bi-lateral), then chemo and then rads.  I have been on tamoxifen nearly three years.  I think that my side effects seems to be a bit of "heat" about two hours after I take my pill.

    Not sure this helps much; but I know any input gives you something to consider.

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #3
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    hugs

    hugs

  • button2
    button2 Member Posts: 421
    #4
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    You are going through so much

    You really need to take a deep breath and be easier on yourself. I think you are still going through a lot of grief about losing your mother and on top of it all you got diagnosed with the same disease. Tell your boyfriend that you realize you have been hard to live with lately. If you keep the lines of communication open, you will have less stress about him possibly leaving you. I'm sure he is a good man who will understand the toll treatment is taking on you. Then talk to your doctors and get help with your medications and possibly join a support group. One thing I can promise you is that you won't be "the girl with cancer" forever. I was surprised how soon people forgot all about it and no one ever asks me how I'm doing anymore! Things will get back to normal, or maybe a new normal. Maybe you could arrange some fun things to do/short trips to take? Having something to look forward to and plan for helps a lot. And keep coming on this site - the ladies are fantastic! Hugs, Anna

  • RozHopkins
    RozHopkins Member Posts: 578 Member
    #5
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    Cancer then your mum passing,

    Cancer then your mum passing, two huge things at the same time.  No wonder you aren't your normal self, who would be.  Plus you are young plus your partner isnt understanding enough what you are going through.  A huge 'mix'.  Agree with others, make an appointment ASAP you may need a little short term antidepressant help, or just someone to talk to who sympathizes, or a medication change.  Don't despair just be very clear how you feel to your cancer team.  Good luck and get back to us.

  • AllisonTaylor
    AllisonTaylor Member Posts: 8
    #6
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    Thank Yous

    Thank you all so much for your support. I will definitely talk to my oncologist and get medication advice. I really appreciate you all reaching out. You are wonderful people!

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #7
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    Have you tried a journal? I

    Have you tried a journal? I got 2 as gifts and thought it was kind of goofy (NO pun intend from disneyfan2008), anyhow now 7 yrs past-I see how it was helpful to vent in the book.

     

    Denise

  • AllisonTaylor
    AllisonTaylor Member Posts: 8
    #8
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    disneyfan2008 said:

    Have you tried a journal? I

    Have you tried a journal? I got 2 as gifts and thought it was kind of goofy (NO pun intend from disneyfan2008), anyhow now 7 yrs past-I see how it was helpful to vent in the book.

     

    Denise

    Thank yous

    I will definitely try this. I laughed at the accidental goofy pun haha

  • coral2015
    coral2015 Member Posts: 30
    #9
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    Great advice

    Talking to your onc and writting a journal are great advice. I'm not yet in any medication, but i  had a double mastectomy last week and i kind of afraid about the meds i gonna have to take. I suffered some memory and concentration problems during chemo, english is my second language and it was hard to articulate at times, i could not concentrate and i edn up saying things that made no sense. I cant imagine what you are going throu, losing someone so important. What kept me from going nuts? Comedy, I used to listen or watch comedy while having chemo or doing the dishes or at night. Be honest with your boyfriend, is normal being emocional; I always tell my husband is not my fault and now is a joke around the house, whatever happens is because I'm in meds. Take it easy (I know is hard), your are going through a lot. Whishing you the best :)

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