Damned Unpretty

Victwapz

Hi
I just wanted to say that I found my tumor on my 45th birthday. I have been through four rounds of chemo and thank God my doctor says it's working. I have kept my spirits up through most of it but today has been harder than most. I've cried five difference times about my appearance today. I've developed dark brown spots on my nose and cheeks, lost my hair and now eyelashes. I'm gaining weight from all the steroids and my skin is all dry and flaky. I know I should focus on the good things but dammit sometimes a woman just wants to feel pretty. Sorry for the whining but I'm hoping you guys would understand.

Thanks for letting me vent,
Vicky

yamster34

I think all cancer survivors

I think all cancer survivors feel unattractive at times. I have not had any treatment or had anything surgically removed. From going on a vegan diet and having a lot of fluid drained, I lost 32 pounds in 32 days. I went to the hospital around that time and they brought in 3 different scales because they did not believe I lost that much weight so quickly. As a result, my whole body became thin except my stomach. Plus, I am bored from sitting home alone all the time, so I have been actually pulling my hair out. I have several bald spots because of this. Thankfully my husband calls me his young and beutiful wife. I still have a hard time believing sometimes that he finds me attractive with the way I look. My husband does say that beauty comes from within. He finds my generally good attitude thru this to be very sexy. The people that love us are generally more concerned with us staying alive than looking perfect. As survivors, our courage makes us beautiful! Our daughter sells Mary Kay, so she has given me a couple facials, which makes me feel a little more attractive at that moment.

Prayers and best wishes,

Amy

Abbycat2

I found it difficult, too, Vicky

Fortunately, treatment eventually ends and the eyelashes, eyebrows and scalp hair all grow back. My head of hair is quite curly as a result of the chemo and I often hear how beautiful it is. It is tough for a woman to lose her hair. I felt like a sick freak and thought other people saw a "cancer patient"- I detested that! BUT, having said that, I can tell you eventually you will regain the appearance of your old self. I am wishing you only the best!

 

Cathy

lovesanimals

Abbycat2 said:

I found it difficult, too, Vicky

Fortunately, treatment eventually ends and the eyelashes, eyebrows and scalp hair all grow back. My head of hair is quite curly as a result of the chemo and I often hear how beautiful it is. It is tough for a woman to lose her hair. I felt like a sick freak and thought other people saw a "cancer patient"- I detested that! BUT, having said that, I can tell you eventually you will regain the appearance of your old self. I am wishing you only the best!

 

Cathy

Hi Vicky

Feel free to "whine" here!  We totally understand what you're experiencing and feeling.  As you are learning, this journey is a rollercoaster of emotions.  You're going to have plenty of good days and bad.  Just keep putting one foot in front of the other with the thought that better days are ahead. 

Warmly,

Kelly

 

 

Lou Ann M

You are not whining

You are just saying what we all feel at sometime during the journey.  I have lost my hair three times now.  The first was the most traumatic but I cried more the third time.  I tried wigs, scarfs and hats and like the hats best.  The first time I was still teaching and i brought two different animal hats to school and let my 1st & 2nd graders decide which one I should wear 1st.  They choose the black cat.  Their acceptence of me no matter what was such a big help. My husband always said I looked good without hair and encouraged me to go without a hat, but I never got that brave.

I use Avon skin So Soft bath oil for my skin.  I just slather in on after my shower.  It has kept my skin fairly soft.  I think baby oil would work, too.  I now use Utter Cream on my feet because of the hand and foot syndrome from the Doxil I am now on.

Hang in there.  It does get better.  Hair does grow back.  Mine did three times, each time beautiful curls.  The color may be a surprise.  You are beautiful, and if others can't see that, they are the ones with a problem.

Prayers and hugs, Lou Ann

pandagypsy

See U R not alone!

This is a great forum for "whining".......I think most of us need to let it all out at times.  My family and friends can only take so much of that........as it is, most think I am so strong & brave to be going thru all of this.  My thought is : what else can you do???? By using this forum, I seem to be handling everything so well........this gives me a place to vent, whine, complain, sometimes SCREAM! Much better place to act like this where others REALLY understand a lot of the fear and frustration. BTW, first diagnosed with breast cancer at 28, reoccured at 30. OC stage IV at 54, reocurrance at 59.....I am THRILLED to have just turned 60....I love being an "old lady"......hopefully my next scan (WHEN I finally decide to do it) will come back NED. I can still remember being 28 with 2 small kids, "knowing" I wouldn't be arund to see them grow up.  Fate keeps changing the hand it deals me. I appreciate this forum, especially all of the "real life" stories........you are never alone here. Wishing you the best.

wholfmeister

What is beauty?

I can tell you what ugly is!  I hate my new grey hair.  I hate my saggy wrinkled skin.  I hate the scars on my abdomen.  I hate how my power point looks like it's going to pop right thru my chest.  My belly is covered with bruises and marble size knots from twice daily enoxaparin injections. Ugh!

But I'm alive and have lots to be grateful for.  My beauty secret?  Acrylic gel manicure!  I get compliments nearly every day on my nails!  (And my natural nails are quite sick....split and peeling!)  Nothing puts a smile on this woman's face like compliments!  Treat yourself!  You'll love it!

Karen82

Inner Beauty

I am sorry you got the diagnosis on your birthday.  There is a old saying that goes "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."  I think the most important beauty on this earth is the beauty and strength that no amount of surgery or make-up or anything man made can give you.  Some of the most beautiful people in this world do not have what other people deem as physical beauty. Some of the most beautiful people in this world can be the ugliest people you will ever meet.   People who truely love you are not going to stop loving you because you are bald or gained weight or what have you.  People who truely love you, love you for who you really are and not what you look like.  The people who matter the most are the people who stand by your side during this time.  Next time you look in the mirror, look further than just the physical appearence. Look within yourself of the strength, courage, and love that exist in you regardless of where this disease takes you.  Look for the love and life you have shared with others and will continue to share.  I know it is easier said then done, but keep you chin up and don't let this illness bring you down.