Am parent of adult cancer patient

litbane

Other than prayer warriors at church and within family network, I do not know where I can go

just to speak my fears and questions about my adult child's ovarian cancer.  We're in 3rd year and

still considered terminal.  I could use supportive replies.

One neverending question is why my child instead of me (being the older person).

What should I be doing to ensure that her 4-year old will be reared (preferably with me and 

my other child and his family) if cancer patient passes on before child is much older?

Blessings to you.

 

NoTimeForCancer

litbane, I cannot even

litbane, I cannot even imagine what my mother was thinking when I told her I had cancer.  I believe, for what it is worth, that a cancer diagnosis is different for the patient as it is for the family.  I am not a mother, so I cannot speak to having a child who is diagnosed with a terminal disease, or what the future holds.  My heart goes out to you.

I will say, just today, someone at my company called because she was diagnosed with a gynecological cancer and didn't know anyone else who had been.  I only tell you this because she said that she wanted to talk to someone NOT in her family.  She wanted a stranger - someone who can understand but is not part of it with her, and that is probably why you are reaching out to us? 

This forum is a good place to vent your frustrations and feelings and you will never be turned away, but maybe you have a pastor?  If you work maybe EAP?  A good EAP program is not just the employee all the relationships that affect that employee.  Being able to talk to someone outside your family may help put things in order.  I don't think anyone can say anything to stop the hurt, but your concerns for her child (your grandchild) are important and need to be addressed.  Plans need to be made and difficult conversations, if they have not already taken place, need to be addressed.

As for your neverending question?  I don't think anyone can answer that. I would suggest you not be too hard on yourself.  You sound like a great mother who has a tremendous ability to love and care.  That is an amazing gift that not everyone has - really. 

Peace.

Abbycat2

NoTimeForCancer said:

litbane, I cannot even

litbane, I cannot even imagine what my mother was thinking when I told her I had cancer.  I believe, for what it is worth, that a cancer diagnosis is different for the patient as it is for the family.  I am not a mother, so I cannot speak to having a child who is diagnosed with a terminal disease, or what the future holds.  My heart goes out to you.

I will say, just today, someone at my company called because she was diagnosed with a gynecological cancer and didn't know anyone else who had been.  I only tell you this because she said that she wanted to talk to someone NOT in her family.  She wanted a stranger - someone who can understand but is not part of it with her, and that is probably why you are reaching out to us? 

This forum is a good place to vent your frustrations and feelings and you will never be turned away, but maybe you have a pastor?  If you work maybe EAP?  A good EAP program is not just the employee all the relationships that affect that employee.  Being able to talk to someone outside your family may help put things in order.  I don't think anyone can say anything to stop the hurt, but your concerns for her child (your grandchild) are important and need to be addressed.  Plans need to be made and difficult conversations, if they have not already taken place, need to be addressed.

As for your neverending question?  I don't think anyone can answer that. I would suggest you not be too hard on yourself.  You sound like a great mother who has a tremendous ability to love and care.  That is an amazing gift that not everyone has - really. 

Peace.

litbane, you are not alone!

We, here, are either cancer survivors or family members. I am a uterine cancer survivor and my cancer is very similar to ovarian cancer. I can't even begin to know what it is like for you to cope with your daughter's diagnosis. On 11/20/13,  I asked my sister to tell my almost 98-year-old father that I was diagnosed with advance stage uterine cancer. He was living with her then . She said she just couldn't do it. My Dad died later that same day; he wasn't meant to know, I guess. I don't know what your situation is with your daughter, but I do think it is wise to discuss your daughter's wishes regarding guardianship of her child should she pass away. Then make it official by your daughter signing a will.  Because I have a high likelihood of recurrence, I am getting my affairs in order. I hope I can survive this, but who knows? 

Warmly,

Cathy