to hug or not to hug, that is the question...

crselby Member Posts: 441

I'm typing this with a little bit of a smile on my face this morning.

Do any of you ever get the feeling that people are hugging you differently, as if they want to find out if your breasts are different?

I did not grow up in a hugging family but I learned that it is what people seem to do to greet each other.  I now enthusiastically throw my arms open wide when meeting a friend. I'm still a little uncomfortable doing so with people I don't know very well or those I am just meeting for the first time. I have experienced extreme hugs all my life from rude men, especially one uncle, who liked my large chest, which I dealt with by giving a firm but short push. Said uncle received a slap across the face at my cousin's wedding when he was drunk and really over did it. (No one but my college boyfriend noticed.)

Many of my husband's golfer friends, both male and female, know that I am facing breast cancer for a second time.  We are not close friends; we are social acquaintences.  (I do not golf.)  But I believe some of them are giving me tighter and longer hugs now than before.

I realize that things may seem this way because I am self conscious but I don't think so. My closer friends seem to be even more careful about giving shorter, lighter hugs. (I'm sore after all the biopsies and seromas.)

Do you ever think you get certain kinds of hugs from people who might be curious about your breasts? And if so, what do you do, if anything, when that happens.

Also, I am wondering how those with bilateral mastectomies deal with hugs directly after surgery?




  • morgamed
    morgamed Member Posts: 75
    Hug away!

    I was a hugger before, during and after my mastectomy.  I had no reconstruction and proud to hug anyone anytime.  I’m flat..nuttin there so if it shocks them who cares.  I did however find them being a little more gentler with me they didn’t want to hurt anything but I would tell them that was a lame hug I want a real one now then they got the message.  Now if I wore a foob I’m not bashful I would just pull one out and hand it to them and say here hug this.  Get all the guessing game over with then enjoy the rest of your day. 


    So my vote is to HUG.

  • Rague
    Rague Member Posts: 3,653 Member
    I am not a hugger - I am a hugger

    I am not a hugger - I am a hugger.

    To me, a hug is personal - not just a wave or 'Hi!'.  Do not try to encompass my arms.  If that happens, I will just keep my arms at my side.  If I feel threatened - I have the knowledge to put them on the ground.

    Not everyone is comfortable with their private space being invaded.  Not everyone is even close to behind comfortable to have their area invaded.  In fact for some it can be a physical attack on them.

    Respect - not do what 'you' feel good about doing/want to do.  Do not think that you have to do what others want to do for their needs


  • GlowMore
    GlowMore Member Posts: 789 Member
    Just Because....

    Just because you may be Paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to hug you....   Cool   

    The only time I can remember what you are talking about is when young men would give me a hug and be very careful NOT to hug my breasts to their they would sort of bend over and just hug the arms  ha ha

    SENDING YOU A BIG (((( HUG ))))    alongwith Prayers for Strength and Courage **  Glo