My Dad is Upsetting Me!

Manywaters

So, since the last time I posted in here, things have been a little bit crazy for me emotionally.  I'm up and down, moving from being scared and forgetting that I have been diagnosed with cancer.  The wellwishes have stopped, and I've fallen out of most everyone's thoughts.  Now Im just stuck here with this... situation.

I get upset these days for no reason.  I'm usually a happy person, but tears just keep coming out of nowhere.  My dad has upset me by telling me that my illness isn't serious since they aren't doing an immediate hystorectomy (I am taking megestrol for the next four months to see how I respond to it), and he doesn't, in fact, believe I have cancer at all.  I'm not sure why, but that hurt quite a bit.  (His wife is a nurse and told him that if is was serious they would do a hystorectomy...)

Am I being overdramatic about my illness?  Who knows.

Sorry to rant!  I just wanted to get this off my chest.

survivingsu

Hang in there!

Hi there,

Here are my two cents.  First off, you are smart to reach out here - you are not alone.  No, you are not being over drammatic at all.  From what I understand from your messagr, it just sounds like your Dad and others do not understand all the different nuances of cancer and all the different treatments.  One size does not fit all!  I saw the PBS documentary on cancer a few days ago - I wish your Dad saw that.  It really shows all the different treatments, challenges, and unknowns we still have about cancer.  Be extra good to yourself, and take time out to focus on what you need to.  Also, I think it's important to realize that people, including close family, react differently to a cancer diagnosis of a loved one, and this includes minimalizing it, being afraid of it, avoiding conversations, this will probably get better over time, but not everyone grows at the same time/level.  Know that you are special, trust in your doctors, and maybe time will heal some of these reactions from family.

All my very best to you,

Susan

NoTimeForCancer

I am sorry to hear this. You

I am sorry to hear this. 

You have every right to feel every emotion you have and they don't have to make sense to anyone, even yourself. 

My recommendation is if/when you see your dad and his wife and they want to make a comment about your cancer, politely say, "I'm sorry.  I really don't want to discuss this with you." 

Keep putting one foot in front of the other and if you work, reachout to your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) for an ear or if you are religious, a spiritual leader may be a good person as well. 

I do like the suggestion of being kind to yourself.  We all need to try that.

nempark

They care.......they are in denial!!!

Of course, you are going to get upset easily, you have been dx with cancer.  When I was dx my husband didn't seem as though he cared.  He is not the mushy type and I was just dying for a hug and to be treated tenderly.  I know they care and sometimes they say things that hurt  because they themselves are hurting and hoping that you really don't have cancer or that there is no need for urgency.

Try your best to get rid of the anger it will only worsen your situation and not add anything to your healing.

Your are not being over dramatic at all. this is normal behavior for cancer patients.  But you will see a lot of success stories on this board and will help you to feel a bit more comfortable until you get your results and treatment.

Be well darling, and soon this will all be behind you.  You are young.  Big hugs and let them say whatever they want.  They love you.

Fayard

Hola,
You are not

Hola,

You are not overreacting at all. Having cancer is not on everyone’s agenda. I think your dad might be in denial. I am sure he does not mean harm. If he wants to discuss it, just let him talk. That is what I did with my husband when I was diagnosed. No one knows what it is like to have cancer, so do not expect your dad or anyone to fully understand.

You are young and full of energy and life.

We are here to support you!

 

mobmob

and

It is unspeakably cruel of him to tell you that he does not believe you have cancer. He must mistrust the medical establishment despite being married to a nurse. --You are not being overly dramatic, you are allowed to feel what you feel. I do have to admit it's not uncommon for people to want to minimize what's happening to you, especially if you LOOK like you're okay. He wants you to act as if everything's fine and he wants you to carry on as usual. This is not a reasonable expectation. The one plus about his attitude is that he's telling you what he thinks. As a cancer survivor with symptoms from chemo, I often run into comments (from in-laws) that imply but do not openly admit that they think my symptoms are probably mild or nonexistent. At least in your father's case, he is saying what he thinks. You can remind him of what he has said and you can explain how it makes you feel. --if you want to. It's really up to you. 

Abbycat2

mobmob said:

and

It is unspeakably cruel of him to tell you that he does not believe you have cancer. He must mistrust the medical establishment despite being married to a nurse. --You are not being overly dramatic, you are allowed to feel what you feel. I do have to admit it's not uncommon for people to want to minimize what's happening to you, especially if you LOOK like you're okay. He wants you to act as if everything's fine and he wants you to carry on as usual. This is not a reasonable expectation. The one plus about his attitude is that he's telling you what he thinks. As a cancer survivor with symptoms from chemo, I often run into comments (from in-laws) that imply but do not openly admit that they think my symptoms are probably mild or nonexistent. At least in your father's case, he is saying what he thinks. You can remind him of what he has said and you can explain how it makes you feel. --if you want to. It's really up to you. 

Manywaters, show your father

a copy of your lab report that shows that you have cancer. It' s a good idea to have this report in your possession as well. The medication you are taking is to treat uterine cancer.

Best Wishes,

Cathy

Janewil

sorry to hear this as well. 

sorry to hear this as well.  We speak so often in varying degrees of cancer by stages, but the truth is that a cancer diagnosis just opens a very large door of the unknown.  You take each day and decision one at a time so as to not be overwhelmed, but it can be overwhleming and hard to digest for everyone. 

One day at a time and know that you don't have to prove anything to anybody.