What does it feel like to die?

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Sundanceh
Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
edited March 2015 in Colorectal Cancer #1

is this wha I'm feeling?  Are these my last days?

cant even watch tv now barely listen....can't est just water.

we changed from morphine making me very sick... Now I've dilaudid drip at high dose and just can't cut the pain.

anywsy love you all no matter.....don't think I can get to surgeon consult...they may have waited too late...

-Craig

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  • NewHere
    NewHere Member Posts: 1,427 Member
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    Prayers And Thoughts With You

    Be well... you are a very strong person.  All your words that I have seen reflect strength, hope and grace.  I am new to this game, just barely two months into this. Had the surgery a month ago, a port last week and chemo starting next week.  And what I have found here through so many already has made my journey so much less alone....

     

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,800 Member
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    Dear Craig

    Such a hard post to read. 

    Twice in my life I have been in so much pain I have wanted to die; neither were Cancer related. I remember thinknig that I had had enough and just wanted all of the pain to end. I wanted to slip away. 

    I think there may come a time when we have to decide to end the fight, and indeed, slip away. 

    I can't help thinking about our dear NanaB. At the end she knew that she had had enough and allowed herself go. She had come to a place of peace, which must make it easier. 

    I pray that you will come to a place of peace if it is your time. But only you know that. You are a fighter, and you will know if you have more fight in you. 

    We want you here. Your wife wants you here. Your family and friends want you here, but at this point, do you want to be here? 

    May you be blessed with the strength you need to fight, is my prayer. 

    Sue - Trubrit

     

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
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    Dearest Craig

    Love you too, always will.

    I firmly beleive that dying is not an end, it is just a beginning of another chapter which we here on earth do not see.

    I wish you peace of mind, and freedom from pain, whether these be the last days or just a lull before another rally.

    Hugs and love,

    Marie who loves kitties (and especially The Texas Lion)

     

     

  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
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    Bro

    Ok first off it might be the fact you were so severely constipated that caused an infection in your body, and you are fighting that.

     

    Until that dog of yours decides not to leave your side, part of me is hoping it's that. If your body is ready to go, then I have to be at peace at that for you. You have been through so much. God damn it's 4.09am over here, really want to talk to you on the phone :,( love you.

  • Easyflip
    Easyflip Member Posts: 588 Member
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    Craig,

    I don't know you as well as the others but I can see the love they have for you. Much respect for the way you carried yourself through thick and thin and I see courage and grace in the face of the unknown. For what it's worth, I think the big show is just beginning for you, pain free and at peace, I think it's going to be glorious : )

    Easyflip/Richard

  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
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    Dear Craig

    Do you remember when we first met here all those years ago??  I was Johnny come lately to the party by a few months, but you and Jennie and the rest of the "gang" let me in and welcomed me.  Such fun times of humor, joy and commoderie between us.

    We're getting down in numbers now, you, me, Marie, Sonia. I can't bear to think of you being gone, so if possible,I'd like Big Bad Billy, my Lion and my Craig to survive this moutain climb, I'd like to cheerlead you on saying you can do this and make it.

    But, my friend, if you just can't get that toe hold or grab that life line I'll be there in spirit, sitting by your side, waiting for the pain to leave your body and for you to continue your journey without us.

    But if you can get better and stay, well, I'd sure love that better.

    My love to you my dear friend,

    Winter Marie

  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
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    Is it time?

    My dear Craig,

    You know I love you and have cherished getting to know you here. You have been such a major force in our little family. I don't want you to go. I would miss you so much, even though we haven't been able to communicate as much lately. But you told me once you would let me know if you thought it was time to go to "Paris." If it really is, praying for a peaceful journey for you, my friend. You have fought so hard, and if this is the only way for you to be pain free, then how can I deny you that blessed relief? Praying for relief for you and hoping with all I have that the relief will come on this side of the veil. 

    Love you!

     

    *hugs*

    Gail

     

     

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
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    Ran out of medicine

    emergency nurse called to bring new med bag.....really thoughtless mistake on their part

    and...I'm not ready to go yet

    just my body feels funny and it makes uou wonder if this is it or not

    more physical not mental right now 

    hopee they get here soon

  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
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    Sundanceh said:

    Ran out of medicine

    emergency nurse called to bring new med bag.....really thoughtless mistake on their part

    and...I'm not ready to go yet

    just my body feels funny and it makes uou wonder if this is it or not

    more physical not mental right now 

    hopee they get here soon

    Mental

    Betting drugs may have a lot to do with this.  Keep up the good fight then my friend!!

    Winter Marie

  • TheLadySkye
    TheLadySkye Member Posts: 203 Member
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    Sundanceh said:

    Ran out of medicine

    emergency nurse called to bring new med bag.....really thoughtless mistake on their part

    and...I'm not ready to go yet

    just my body feels funny and it makes uou wonder if this is it or not

    more physical not mental right now 

    hopee they get here soon

    If it's all right, I'll just

    If it's all right, I'll just sit beside you with the shield and the sword and keep the dark at bay until you can stand on your own. 

    XOXO

  • janderson1964
    janderson1964 Member Posts: 2,215 Member
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    I love you Craig and my heart

    I love you Craig and my heart is broken in half reaxing your post. Your a great man and warrior. I pray to God everyday that he would ease your suffering. You helped me so much a few years ago during oe of my diffacult times. I just wish there was some way I could return the favor.

  • Cathleen Mary
    Cathleen Mary Member Posts: 827 Member
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    If it's all right, I'll just

    If it's all right, I'll just sit beside you with the shield and the sword and keep the dark at bay until you can stand on your own. 

    XOXO

    Blessings, Strength, Courage

    Blessings, Strength, Courage our friend.  I am sure that your body and spirit are weary...all with good reason. You have overcome many a setback. If this, be that, may you keep on, keeping on.  If your time here is coming to an end, may deep peace and a felt knowledge of how deeply you are loved be with you every step of the way. Your latest post sounds like there is more resilience left in you; if so, we are all with you!

    Hugs,

    CW

  • Fight for my love
    Fight for my love Member Posts: 1,522 Member
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    Here is sending you a warm

    Here is sending you a warm hug to help you get through the difficult time. I keep praying for you, and hoping the pain will be under control soon. You always have my love, care and best wishes. Hang on there!

  • LivinginNH
    LivinginNH Member Posts: 1,456 Member
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    My dearest Craig, I'm so

     

    My dearest Craig, I'm so sorry that you're in this state, and I wish they could have at least gotten the pain under control.  You know how much you mean to me, and I'll always hold your spirit warmly in my heart.  You've proved time and time again how strong and courageous you are, and your writing continues to show your determination and will to survive, even through the horrendous pain.  You will forever have my admiration and love my friend, you are certainly one very special guy.  I hope that you can feel the love and support from all of your friends here as we hold you warmly in our thoughts and prayers.

    Love you buddy, my dear friend.

    Cynthia

  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571 Member
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    Dear heart

    we all come to the clearing at the end of the path, and then the sun shines on our faces, and we can see the sky, bright and blue.

    We are all walking this path with you.  Can you feel us holding you up?  I hope so.

    Lots o' love, hugs, and hope for strength from your librarian pal.

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
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    Dear heart

    we all come to the clearing at the end of the path, and then the sun shines on our faces, and we can see the sky, bright and blue.

    We are all walking this path with you.  Can you feel us holding you up?  I hope so.

    Lots o' love, hugs, and hope for strength from your librarian pal.

    Hey

    made it thru the night...

  • NewHere
    NewHere Member Posts: 1,427 Member
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    Sundanceh said:

    Hey

    made it thru the night...

    And You Will Have More

    Thoughts with you

  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571 Member
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    Sundanceh said:

    Hey

    made it thru the night...

    YAY!

    Keep on walking, buddy.  And keep talking to us, please.

  • janderson1964
    janderson1964 Member Posts: 2,215 Member
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    Keep fighting brotber.

    Keep fighting brotber.

  • Lorikat
    Lorikat Member Posts: 681 Member
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    prayers, love and soft

    prayers, love and soft feelings being sent your way....