Mom in denial???

orange_krush

My mom lives 10 hours away from me and was diagnosed 4 months ago with small cell lung carinoma which has mestasized to her bones causing several spinal fractures. I can only get what info she will give me regarding her prognosis but she states she refuses to talk to the doctor because she is in a positive frame of mind and she will not hear any bad news!

Anyhow she had radiation 15 days in a row and is now on her 4th round of chemo which is now being postponed due to low platelets. This mornng she was sent for a blood transfusion instead of her regular treatment. I'm pregnant and having such a hard time in dealing with all of this and the way she's handling it I guess. That stresses me out even more.

 

Not living right next to her makes it that much worse. She is my best friend and I can't stand being this far away!!

 

Do I just leave her be and let her deal with this the only way she knows how? All I can do is lend an ear, my love, support and prayer but I feel kind of left out of the loop.

 

Sorry, think I just to needed to vent without having to actually talk outloud to someone. That's How I deal. Apple/tree.

 

Ladylacy

Your Mother

So sorry to hear about your mother.  No treatment and blood transfusion is not unusual.  My husband had to stop his chemo and radiation for 2 weeks due to his counts and had to have blood transfusions.  

If your mother is not talking to the doctor, then she is in denial and unless she gives her permission, her doctor can't speak with you.  Apparently since you are expecting she must not want to worry you not realizing that she is worrying you more by not talking to you about it.  Maybe, if you haven't already, tell her that she is worrying you and stressing you out, she will finally talk about it.  My husband is on in-home hospice and he won't talk to me or the nurses about how he feels.  So it is not unusual for someone in their condition to be depressed and not wanting to talk about what is going to happen.  

Wishing you both peace and comfort

love4life

I understand exactly what you

I understand exactly what you are saying.  I lost my mom to cancer 2 years ago and wish she had fought differently but ultimately it is their body, their decision.  We can only love them, pray for them, and hope the best for them.  I lived close to my mom and it was hard to watch her decline.  I still can picture some of the comments she made and faces she made after the doctors would leave the room if they had told her something she didn't want to hear.  She was such a great mom and has made me a stronger person because of what I saw her go through and how she acted through the entire process.  I can tell you that my mom and I had our "discussions" on what I had hoped she would do and she made it clear that she was doing what she felt was best for her.  It's hard to watch a loved one go through cancer treatments but we have to respect their wishes and choices just like we would want them to respect our wishes and choices. 

Ex_Rock_n_Roller

Denial has a lot to recommend it

If she has her affairs in order such that everything will pretty much be on autopilot when and if she does go (I would include end-of-life care instructions in that), then I think you can do a lot worse than employ a little bit of denial. It's one way to deal with the situation, and if it's what helps her keep her sanity, so much the better.

If there are practicalities to be taken care of, that's a different issue, but otherwise, all you can do is continue to offer your support.

tasha7901

My dad lost his battle to

My dad lost his battle to small cell lung cancer July 7th,2014. Cancer can make us loved ones feel extremely helpless. Cause aside from being there for them, and letting them know how much we love them, they are the ones who have to fight. And for us, whom never had a form of cancer, we have no idea how it makes them feel mentally and physically. And if staying positive is what makes the days go by better for her mentally, pray with her, hold onto the faith in which she believes. Yes, I know its hard, and never ready to face the truth and what lies ahead. But as long as she's living life to the fullest and supporting her with that, that's definitely better for her mind. Make memories, share stories, keep voicemails, and make the next day better then the precious day