Emergency room. So tired of all this

avisemi

Hi all,

We are having a horrible day today. Quite frankly we are running in fumes and just don't have much left. So this is when I keep telling God that I know His power is made perfect in our weekness and that I know he doesn't give us more than we can handle. I just don't want this any more. We are so, so tired. I want to soar like eagles bur in reality I feel we are barely crawling right now. 

Dima finished rads in Friday. thanks to this forum we knew this and next week would be hard. But we really did not realize just how hard. He has so much mucus that it causes him to vomit daily. Today the oncologist said the sores on his mouth are some of the worse he has seeing. He even gave him permission not to eat a single spoon by mouth. 

We were so happy that he had only lost 2 pounds since radiation started until this week. in one week he lost almost 4 pounds. He is a very skinny guy so 4 pounds is a lot for him. 

But the worse happened today. Because of the tumor he has to take a medication to prevent him from going to the bathroom all the time. Today, we were rushing to see the oncologist and I forgot to give it to him. This causes him to loose liquids and the sodium levels to drop below normal. This, plus barely any liquid intake today plus the vomiting just got him completely out of shape. We are in the emergency room now. His heart rate is way too fast. He has an iv on and we are waiting on test results. And it's all my fault. As if he needed more pain and discomfort. I feel so horrible. 

I'm so tired of having to force him to take his meds, eat, do mouth rinses, etc, etc every day at least 3 time a day. He hates it. I hate it. 

I could go on and on and on. I just needed to get it all out. There is light at the end of the tunnel. We can see it. We are just not there yet. 

petroglyph

I go to a cancer survivors

I go to a cancer survivors group. There is no equal to being able to share with someone else who has/is going through similar stuff.

They have men or womens groups. This is a great internet forum but just something about being able to share face to face is very comforting/healing.

Locally they have a great hospice care organization which was suggested for me by my group. I remarked that "I don't need it". My group let me know that the visits would be for my wife to help her deal with my disease.

The hospital you are sitting in probably has fliers or ask around in there. Someone knows how to get you in contact. It sounds like you need a little break, we all do from time to time.

There are people that want to help you but you have to be able to accept it. To help me remember my pills I keep a log near them and a clock. When I take them I write it down along with the time. The days and the meds and the overwhelming stress and anxiety of the struggle messes with all our heads. The log or journal has helped countless times already.