wrong events....

123468

Comments

  • I am alive
    I am alive Member Posts: 315
    My hero

    Oh Fox, thank you for giving such a detailed description of your scary experience. I think your sharing of these unnerving details is just as important as your steadfast call to " Fight! Fight! And never give up." it will remind me in the future  when I myself am slipping over the edge, or caught in a frightening downward spiral, that all is not necessarily lost. This disease is so capricious. I'll think of your odyssey and remember to keep an eye on the light, even when it's barely visible.

    Damn right you're on a big bounce back! 

  • Ree_Maryland
    Ree_Maryland Member Posts: 161
    foxhd said:

    Good morning everyone!

    Well here I am going into 4 weeks since my incredible "brush" with the "other " side. I'm still pretty fragile and weak. I need to be careful as I've had several falls. I have a right foot drop and need to pay attention. My left arm is doing pretty well. For that I am so thankful. Right arm will be an issue but it is a little better also. The best news is that I have been in NO pain!!! Between the steroids and radiation the result is awesome. I'm so lucky.

    So,..after months of complaints of pain it had all come to a head. Unfortunatly, a tumor growing down inside my spinal canal is not an easy thing to eliminate. So now we keep our fingers crossed. They did a good job with radiation. I will do well with the votrient. If there is a chance that it will shrink whats left, I will take it. Toss in my response to my immunological treatments, and who knows? ..2009 Harley Streetglide will be off the market for a while.

    The thing that I want to talk about is how close I came to passing. My neuro exams were inconsistant. My vitals were stable. My chemistries were all over the map. I was experiencing a state of loss of homeostasis. Much like I had when the Il-2 decimated me. In the couple few weeks I went from maybe 190 pounds to under 145ish. The sense of dieing from the flu type way I felt, was overpowering. The weakness and fatigue forced me to lie down flat on my back. I often would lie dead still. No lights, no sound, and void of external stimulation. I was unable to afford ANY energy to use for sensory input. I often needed more than 12 hours of no motion just to catch my breath. If all that it required was a blink of my eye to start the cyanide drip to end it all, I could not have done it. Just think about that a moment. When I felt the overpowering force taking all my life energy away, I was unable to mount any resistence. All I could do was to try and conserve what may have been left in me.

    Essentially I would be feeling like I was flat lining. Everything remained dark. The only focus I could make was on a weak, dim, pilot light. Off in the distance. It was very small. Constantly flickering. It''s fuel source was gone but as small as it shrunk, it did not extinguish. With time I was able to be part of the flame and I held it in my heart. All my effort and concentration was on keeping it lit. And believe me when I tell you, I lost sight of it many times. Also much like my Il-2 experience, there was no sleep. Just every slow tic of the clock. Day in, day out. I am thrilled to say that I just slept 2 nights in a row and what a treat. Now I can make some progress.

    So when people talk of near death experiences or crossing over, it is usually about after their passing. I never got that far. But I spent many, many hours not crossing the line. It was there. It was weak. The plan was in place. But somehow I held on. I had the support, Karma and love from you guys disrupting the outcome. For that I love you guys. A debt I cannot repay. So now I must prove myself worthy and recover beyond reasonable expectations. (actually, that should be relatively easy compared to what I went through.)

    Now, I am dealing with esophogheal burning from radiation, lung congestion, weakness, falls, and nothing has taste. I'll bet it will all be a memory in a few months. Any doubters?

    Thanks again to all of you. And many of you are very special to me. We do better together than by ourselves. Thank You Fox.

    dougt

    NO DOUBT HERE KEEP UP THE FIGHT IT GIVE ALL OF US ENOOURGMENT . WISH I COULD SPELL LOL  HUGS FROM ME TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

  • Darron
    Darron Member Posts: 310
    Best News

    Fox

    You made my day. Nice to have you back from the edge.

    Stay strong and keep the good positive attitude going.

  • danbren2
    danbren2 Member Posts: 311
    Darron said:

    Best News

    Fox

    You made my day. Nice to have you back from the edge.

    Stay strong and keep the good positive attitude going.

    I HAD NO DOUBT!

    Fox,

         It is so nice to hear from you, and to know that you are much better! Love, prayers, energy, and anything else I can send you is on its way!

                                         Keep getting better!

                                          Love, Brenda

     

  • icemantoo
    icemantoo Member Posts: 3,360 Member
    danbren2 said:

    I HAD NO DOUBT!

    Fox,

         It is so nice to hear from you, and to know that you are much better! Love, prayers, energy, and anything else I can send you is on its way!

                                         Keep getting better!

                                          Love, Brenda

     

    How is Fox doing?

    The comments from Brenda and Darron assume the top comment on the page was just posted by Fox. In fact CSN puts the initial post on the top of each new page and that post is 3 weeks old. I hope Fox is doing better.

     

    Icemantoo

     

  • Srashedb
    Srashedb Member Posts: 482
    icemantoo said:

    How is Fox doing?

    The comments from Brenda and Darron assume the top comment on the page was just posted by Fox. In fact CSN puts the initial post on the top of each new page and that post is 3 weeks old. I hope Fox is doing better.

     

    Icemantoo

     

    Update

    he posted an update over the weekend 

    Sarah

  • jason.2835
    jason.2835 Member Posts: 337 Member
    icemantoo said:

    How is Fox doing?

    The comments from Brenda and Darron assume the top comment on the page was just posted by Fox. In fact CSN puts the initial post on the top of each new page and that post is 3 weeks old. I hope Fox is doing better.

     

    Icemantoo

     

    Feb 20

    He posted a comment on Feb 20 saying he had a story to tell and to be patient.... Hard to be patient, however.  Undecided

  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181

    Feb 20

    He posted a comment on Feb 20 saying he had a story to tell and to be patient.... Hard to be patient, however.  Undecided

    don't know

    what is going on with the posts. Maybe it is too long a thread. My post was on monday the 23rd. It was about my end of the line experience and my resolve. I'm not out of the woods yet. We'll see how I handle the votrient.

  • Srashedb
    Srashedb Member Posts: 482

    Feb 20

    He posted a comment on Feb 20 saying he had a story to tell and to be patient.... Hard to be patient, however.  Undecided

    He did

    go back through the posts and you will find his story; it is quite a tale. 

    Sarah

  • cancerat46
    cancerat46 Member Posts: 52
    foxhd said:

    Good morning everyone!

    Well here I am going into 4 weeks since my incredible "brush" with the "other " side. I'm still pretty fragile and weak. I need to be careful as I've had several falls. I have a right foot drop and need to pay attention. My left arm is doing pretty well. For that I am so thankful. Right arm will be an issue but it is a little better also. The best news is that I have been in NO pain!!! Between the steroids and radiation the result is awesome. I'm so lucky.

    So,..after months of complaints of pain it had all come to a head. Unfortunatly, a tumor growing down inside my spinal canal is not an easy thing to eliminate. So now we keep our fingers crossed. They did a good job with radiation. I will do well with the votrient. If there is a chance that it will shrink whats left, I will take it. Toss in my response to my immunological treatments, and who knows? ..2009 Harley Streetglide will be off the market for a while.

    The thing that I want to talk about is how close I came to passing. My neuro exams were inconsistant. My vitals were stable. My chemistries were all over the map. I was experiencing a state of loss of homeostasis. Much like I had when the Il-2 decimated me. In the couple few weeks I went from maybe 190 pounds to under 145ish. The sense of dieing from the flu type way I felt, was overpowering. The weakness and fatigue forced me to lie down flat on my back. I often would lie dead still. No lights, no sound, and void of external stimulation. I was unable to afford ANY energy to use for sensory input. I often needed more than 12 hours of no motion just to catch my breath. If all that it required was a blink of my eye to start the cyanide drip to end it all, I could not have done it. Just think about that a moment. When I felt the overpowering force taking all my life energy away, I was unable to mount any resistence. All I could do was to try and conserve what may have been left in me.

    Essentially I would be feeling like I was flat lining. Everything remained dark. The only focus I could make was on a weak, dim, pilot light. Off in the distance. It was very small. Constantly flickering. It''s fuel source was gone but as small as it shrunk, it did not extinguish. With time I was able to be part of the flame and I held it in my heart. All my effort and concentration was on keeping it lit. And believe me when I tell you, I lost sight of it many times. Also much like my Il-2 experience, there was no sleep. Just every slow tic of the clock. Day in, day out. I am thrilled to say that I just slept 2 nights in a row and what a treat. Now I can make some progress.

    So when people talk of near death experiences or crossing over, it is usually about after their passing. I never got that far. But I spent many, many hours not crossing the line. It was there. It was weak. The plan was in place. But somehow I held on. I had the support, Karma and love from you guys disrupting the outcome. For that I love you guys. A debt I cannot repay. So now I must prove myself worthy and recover beyond reasonable expectations. (actually, that should be relatively easy compared to what I went through.)

    Now, I am dealing with esophogheal burning from radiation, lung congestion, weakness, falls, and nothing has taste. I'll bet it will all be a memory in a few months. Any doubters?

    Thanks again to all of you. And many of you are very special to me. We do better together than by ourselves. Thank You Fox.

    What a fighter you are Fox!
    Instead of going toward the light you fought to bring the light to you and used it to come back from the brink; amazing!! You are so generous of spirit to share your story with us. Rest and know we are all in your corner!
  • jason.2835
    jason.2835 Member Posts: 337 Member
    foxhd said:

    don't know

    what is going on with the posts. Maybe it is too long a thread. My post was on monday the 23rd. It was about my end of the line experience and my resolve. I'm not out of the woods yet. We'll see how I handle the votrient.

    Not user friendly

    These forums, in my opinion, are in desperate need of an update... they need to be more like Facebook.  They are not that use friendly or easy to use.  That being said, it's the least of you worries my friend.  Be well!

  • todd121
    todd121 Member Posts: 1,448
    foxhd said:

    Good morning everyone!

    Well here I am going into 4 weeks since my incredible "brush" with the "other " side. I'm still pretty fragile and weak. I need to be careful as I've had several falls. I have a right foot drop and need to pay attention. My left arm is doing pretty well. For that I am so thankful. Right arm will be an issue but it is a little better also. The best news is that I have been in NO pain!!! Between the steroids and radiation the result is awesome. I'm so lucky.

    So,..after months of complaints of pain it had all come to a head. Unfortunatly, a tumor growing down inside my spinal canal is not an easy thing to eliminate. So now we keep our fingers crossed. They did a good job with radiation. I will do well with the votrient. If there is a chance that it will shrink whats left, I will take it. Toss in my response to my immunological treatments, and who knows? ..2009 Harley Streetglide will be off the market for a while.

    The thing that I want to talk about is how close I came to passing. My neuro exams were inconsistant. My vitals were stable. My chemistries were all over the map. I was experiencing a state of loss of homeostasis. Much like I had when the Il-2 decimated me. In the couple few weeks I went from maybe 190 pounds to under 145ish. The sense of dieing from the flu type way I felt, was overpowering. The weakness and fatigue forced me to lie down flat on my back. I often would lie dead still. No lights, no sound, and void of external stimulation. I was unable to afford ANY energy to use for sensory input. I often needed more than 12 hours of no motion just to catch my breath. If all that it required was a blink of my eye to start the cyanide drip to end it all, I could not have done it. Just think about that a moment. When I felt the overpowering force taking all my life energy away, I was unable to mount any resistence. All I could do was to try and conserve what may have been left in me.

    Essentially I would be feeling like I was flat lining. Everything remained dark. The only focus I could make was on a weak, dim, pilot light. Off in the distance. It was very small. Constantly flickering. It''s fuel source was gone but as small as it shrunk, it did not extinguish. With time I was able to be part of the flame and I held it in my heart. All my effort and concentration was on keeping it lit. And believe me when I tell you, I lost sight of it many times. Also much like my Il-2 experience, there was no sleep. Just every slow tic of the clock. Day in, day out. I am thrilled to say that I just slept 2 nights in a row and what a treat. Now I can make some progress.

    So when people talk of near death experiences or crossing over, it is usually about after their passing. I never got that far. But I spent many, many hours not crossing the line. It was there. It was weak. The plan was in place. But somehow I held on. I had the support, Karma and love from you guys disrupting the outcome. For that I love you guys. A debt I cannot repay. So now I must prove myself worthy and recover beyond reasonable expectations. (actually, that should be relatively easy compared to what I went through.)

    Now, I am dealing with esophogheal burning from radiation, lung congestion, weakness, falls, and nothing has taste. I'll bet it will all be a memory in a few months. Any doubters?

    Thanks again to all of you. And many of you are very special to me. We do better together than by ourselves. Thank You Fox.

    So happy to have this news!

    Glad to hear from you. Hang in...hell, you know already. :)

    I missed this until you said you'd posted it. When it's a multi-page thread, the "NEW" doesn't show up on new posts on the next pages when you page to them. Annoying.

    Cheering for you.

    Hugs,

    Todd

  • APny
    APny Member Posts: 1,995 Member
    Srashedb said:

    He did

    go back through the posts and you will find his story; it is quite a tale. 

    Sarah

    Nothing wrong with the posts

    Nothing wrong with the posts that I can see. Fox did post and update with the story and I believe that's what people are responding to lately, not the original.

  • Jan4you
    Jan4you Member Posts: 1,330 Member
    APny said:

    Nothing wrong with the posts

    Nothing wrong with the posts that I can see. Fox did post and update with the story and I believe that's what people are responding to lately, not the original.

    Foxy, YOU are the best!
    That

    Foxy, YOU are the best!

    That description of how you nearly crossed over.. words cannot express how it touched me.

    You're still here.. and for that fight and will to keep trying, I need to THANK YOU!!

    Will continue to bombard your fight against cancer with our love and strength.

    We still need you. And yes, it is okay to need us too!

     

    Thinking of you big guy!

    Hugs, Jan

  • jason.2835
    jason.2835 Member Posts: 337 Member
    foxhd said:

    Good morning everyone!

    Well here I am going into 4 weeks since my incredible "brush" with the "other " side. I'm still pretty fragile and weak. I need to be careful as I've had several falls. I have a right foot drop and need to pay attention. My left arm is doing pretty well. For that I am so thankful. Right arm will be an issue but it is a little better also. The best news is that I have been in NO pain!!! Between the steroids and radiation the result is awesome. I'm so lucky.

    So,..after months of complaints of pain it had all come to a head. Unfortunatly, a tumor growing down inside my spinal canal is not an easy thing to eliminate. So now we keep our fingers crossed. They did a good job with radiation. I will do well with the votrient. If there is a chance that it will shrink whats left, I will take it. Toss in my response to my immunological treatments, and who knows? ..2009 Harley Streetglide will be off the market for a while.

    The thing that I want to talk about is how close I came to passing. My neuro exams were inconsistant. My vitals were stable. My chemistries were all over the map. I was experiencing a state of loss of homeostasis. Much like I had when the Il-2 decimated me. In the couple few weeks I went from maybe 190 pounds to under 145ish. The sense of dieing from the flu type way I felt, was overpowering. The weakness and fatigue forced me to lie down flat on my back. I often would lie dead still. No lights, no sound, and void of external stimulation. I was unable to afford ANY energy to use for sensory input. I often needed more than 12 hours of no motion just to catch my breath. If all that it required was a blink of my eye to start the cyanide drip to end it all, I could not have done it. Just think about that a moment. When I felt the overpowering force taking all my life energy away, I was unable to mount any resistence. All I could do was to try and conserve what may have been left in me.

    Essentially I would be feeling like I was flat lining. Everything remained dark. The only focus I could make was on a weak, dim, pilot light. Off in the distance. It was very small. Constantly flickering. It''s fuel source was gone but as small as it shrunk, it did not extinguish. With time I was able to be part of the flame and I held it in my heart. All my effort and concentration was on keeping it lit. And believe me when I tell you, I lost sight of it many times. Also much like my Il-2 experience, there was no sleep. Just every slow tic of the clock. Day in, day out. I am thrilled to say that I just slept 2 nights in a row and what a treat. Now I can make some progress.

    So when people talk of near death experiences or crossing over, it is usually about after their passing. I never got that far. But I spent many, many hours not crossing the line. It was there. It was weak. The plan was in place. But somehow I held on. I had the support, Karma and love from you guys disrupting the outcome. For that I love you guys. A debt I cannot repay. So now I must prove myself worthy and recover beyond reasonable expectations. (actually, that should be relatively easy compared to what I went through.)

    Now, I am dealing with esophogheal burning from radiation, lung congestion, weakness, falls, and nothing has taste. I'll bet it will all be a memory in a few months. Any doubters?

    Thanks again to all of you. And many of you are very special to me. We do better together than by ourselves. Thank You Fox.

    What eloquence

    What an amazingly well written post, my friend. You are an inspiration to us all. Back from the brink to keep giving us hell. You are the MAN. 

  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181
    Jan4you said:

    Foxy, YOU are the best!
    That

    Foxy, YOU are the best!

    That description of how you nearly crossed over.. words cannot express how it touched me.

    You're still here.. and for that fight and will to keep trying, I need to THANK YOU!!

    Will continue to bombard your fight against cancer with our love and strength.

    We still need you. And yes, it is okay to need us too!

     

    Thinking of you big guy!

    Hugs, Jan

    awesome support

    How do I thank everyone? I think the correct way will be in regaining my independence. Tomorrows plan is to work on some neuro developemental stability exercises to see if I can get function at my hips and shoulders.

    The thing that amazes me is that I remain absolutely exhausted. When I come downstairs in the morning, about 7 am, I can sit in my chair for easily 8 hours without even getting up to use the bathroom. It has to be the votrient. But I will deal with it a bit longer to ensure that the votrient has every chance to do it's job.

    My foot drop is of concern. So we had the radiation oncologist take another look at my imaging. He called and wants to see me friday. Shoot. Maybe he just wants a picture together. I'll go with that at least until friday.

    If I haven't said it, I want everyone to know that my wife is the most wonderful person in the world. She is attentive to all my needs. Then to top it off, she has been working with the votrient manufacturer. And guess what? I am getting the drug for FREE!!!!! This year will be our 40th anniversary. I owe her big time. Is it all still Karma? I am so lucky.

    So I am alive and recovering. Couldn't ask for more. I faced death but held on. I am surprised at how well I'm handling it all. There is much work ahead of me but I'm game.

    FLY. Fox loves you.

  • Ree_Maryland
    Ree_Maryland Member Posts: 161
    foxhd said:

    awesome support

    How do I thank everyone? I think the correct way will be in regaining my independence. Tomorrows plan is to work on some neuro developemental stability exercises to see if I can get function at my hips and shoulders.

    The thing that amazes me is that I remain absolutely exhausted. When I come downstairs in the morning, about 7 am, I can sit in my chair for easily 8 hours without even getting up to use the bathroom. It has to be the votrient. But I will deal with it a bit longer to ensure that the votrient has every chance to do it's job.

    My foot drop is of concern. So we had the radiation oncologist take another look at my imaging. He called and wants to see me friday. Shoot. Maybe he just wants a picture together. I'll go with that at least until friday.

    If I haven't said it, I want everyone to know that my wife is the most wonderful person in the world. She is attentive to all my needs. Then to top it off, she has been working with the votrient manufacturer. And guess what? I am getting the drug for FREE!!!!! This year will be our 40th anniversary. I owe her big time. Is it all still Karma? I am so lucky.

    So I am alive and recovering. Couldn't ask for more. I faced death but held on. I am surprised at how well I'm handling it all. There is much work ahead of me but I'm game.

    FLY. Fox loves you.

    wife

    kudos to you for the fighting in all this KUDOS to your wife for helping and hanging in with you . 

  • Srashedb
    Srashedb Member Posts: 482
    foxhd said:

    awesome support

    How do I thank everyone? I think the correct way will be in regaining my independence. Tomorrows plan is to work on some neuro developemental stability exercises to see if I can get function at my hips and shoulders.

    The thing that amazes me is that I remain absolutely exhausted. When I come downstairs in the morning, about 7 am, I can sit in my chair for easily 8 hours without even getting up to use the bathroom. It has to be the votrient. But I will deal with it a bit longer to ensure that the votrient has every chance to do it's job.

    My foot drop is of concern. So we had the radiation oncologist take another look at my imaging. He called and wants to see me friday. Shoot. Maybe he just wants a picture together. I'll go with that at least until friday.

    If I haven't said it, I want everyone to know that my wife is the most wonderful person in the world. She is attentive to all my needs. Then to top it off, she has been working with the votrient manufacturer. And guess what? I am getting the drug for FREE!!!!! This year will be our 40th anniversary. I owe her big time. Is it all still Karma? I am so lucky.

    So I am alive and recovering. Couldn't ask for more. I faced death but held on. I am surprised at how well I'm handling it all. There is much work ahead of me but I'm game.

    FLY. Fox loves you.

    Only 40???

    got you beat by 3 years! That is awesome that you get the votrient free. What I have heard about the fatigue is that it may take the same amount of time to recover as the length of the treatment so if it was 2 weeks, then it might be 2 weeks to improve 

    of course, the votrient is a factor but it is really great to hear from you.

    my husband has a follow-up with the radiation oncologist next week; she does it after a month so we are not expecting bad news.

    take care of yourself and let your wife help; it feels good and useful as a caregiver 

    i have no idea why the letters are crossed off

    Sarah

  • Jojo61
    Jojo61 Member Posts: 1,309 Member
    Srashedb said:

    Only 40???

    got you beat by 3 years! That is awesome that you get the votrient free. What I have heard about the fatigue is that it may take the same amount of time to recover as the length of the treatment so if it was 2 weeks, then it might be 2 weeks to improve 

    of course, the votrient is a factor but it is really great to hear from you.

    my husband has a follow-up with the radiation oncologist next week; she does it after a month so we are not expecting bad news.

    take care of yourself and let your wife help; it feels good and useful as a caregiver 

    i have no idea why the letters are crossed off

    Sarah

    Big improvements

    It seems that the votrient is doing its job, Foxy. I pray that it continues to knock that cancer on its a$$. I know you will focus on yourself and getting back to your old self.

    And your wife? Please give her a big kiss from all of us. We do understand (and appreciate) her wanting to take good care of you - our Silver Fox!

    Big hugs

    Jojo

  • APny
    APny Member Posts: 1,995 Member
    Jojo61 said:

    Big improvements

    It seems that the votrient is doing its job, Foxy. I pray that it continues to knock that cancer on its a$$. I know you will focus on yourself and getting back to your old self.

    And your wife? Please give her a big kiss from all of us. We do understand (and appreciate) her wanting to take good care of you - our Silver Fox!

    Big hugs

    Jojo

    So good to hear from you,

    So good to hear from you, Fox. Keep kicking cancer in the a$$! And yes, kudos to your wife and to those 40 years (42 for me)!