Girlfriend's mother has cancer how can I help?

alanm663

My girlfriend's mother has been diagnosed with cancer about a week ago I am at a loss sometimes as to what to say to her(my girlfriend).  Here's the hard part we are in a long distance relationship, she lives in another country I am planning a trip to go and see her in feburary, but she's going through a hard time now and I'm not sure what I can do or say, if we lived close there are lots of things that I could and would do, but I am not with her.  I talk to her everyday, mostly at night, but sometimes during the day if she has time, I have told her on many occasions that "I am here for her if she needs anything" and "anytime she wants to talk to someone, day or night I'll be there".  Sometimes when we talk I'll try to cheer her up a little, sometimes I tell her jokes, but usually only on her request because I know that when your feeling bad you don't always wanna here jokes.  I'll even sing her songs(she's Latino so she really likes this)and if it helps I'm more then happy to do it, I could care less that I sound horrible as long as it helps her feel better.  But it's nights like the other night when she was crying her eyes out, I felt so bad for her and so badly wanted to be able to hug her and console her, and I have never felt more helpless in my life.  I didn't know what to say beyond telling her that she'll get through it and that i understand how she feels.  So if anyone has been in a similar situation, I would be interested in knowing how you handled it.  thanks in advance

grandmafay

Be There

it sounds like you are a caring boyfriend. With the distance, there is little you can do other than talking. You might also encourage her to write to you or keep a journal. it is often easier to write your thoughts than to speak them. you might want to drop a card or two in the mail, too. It's nice to have something to hold and maybe reread. If you can move up your visit date, that might be a good idea. It is often those early days that are the hardest to process. If that's not possible, just keep doing what you're doing. Keep the lines of communications open. 

NANCYL1

HOW CAN I HELP

ALANM663:

I think what grandmafay posted was very good.   I had another thought:  Would Skype on the computer help do you think?

I hope your girlfriend has some support around her,  and I hope you have support also.  Very important.

 

Nancy

Ouch_Ouch_Ouch

On a great track.....

It sounds like you're doing many good things already. You are a great guy! I absolutely love the singing part. The suggestion about sending cards is an excellent one as well as Skype, if your girlfriend isn't shy about you seeing her cry. Consider intermittently sending her pictures, if your 'phone will do that. "These flowers reminded me of you." "I saw this beautiful sunrise today." That kind of thing. Talk soothingly low and close into her ear. Her fear is probably over the top. Remind her to take care of herself so that she will be strong for her mommy. Are you able to send her mommy some flowers through a florist? That would be a big pick-me-up for both women.

Just being there for her is the most important thing, especially if some of her other friends back off. Keep calling, even if sometimes you are connected, but don't say anything. A patient silence is helpful, too.

RF1990

I have the same problem

My girlfriend mom has  cancer and it is a long distance relationship I hope to be with her soon