I really need some help!!!
My mother was recently diagnosed with stage 1 lung cancer and in addition diagnosed with copd. She is waiting to start her treatments. the Stereotactic Radiation therapy.
I have 4 siblings and I am the youngest. My father passed away from cancer many years ago.
My family dynamics are very difficult. I get along great with my oldest sister. My second oldest sister is very controlling. When mom was first diagnosed she threw her hands up in the air, said she already went through all of this with dad, wasn't taking off any time from work, etc. She does not know how to be kind and gracious with her speech. She always has to be right. My brother has been hurt by this sister and my mother and has chosen to stay away. My third sister is on too many prescription drugs and has every ache and pain that she can have.
My second sister decided she wanted to "help" and has been decluttering mother's home of her stuff. She has spent hours over there going through things with mother. Some things she has just gotten rid of without mom knowing. She decided to take it upon herself to remove the carpeting. Mother has cats and one of them wasn't really using the litter box and this was going on for probably years. This sister took mother with the cat to the humane society last week to get rid of the cat.
Me and my oldest sister have taken mom to every appointment she has. I have been the one who has taken on the learning of the portable oxygen tank, how to hook mom up to it, change it over toi a new tank when it gets low, etc. I've been driving her to her appointments. I also have children still at home and I homeschool them. This has been very time consuming and we are behind in school.
I found out yesterday that mother and my second oldest sister decided to switch to a different portable oxygen tank. I wasn't there when it got dropped off so I really have no idea how to use it. This causes me alot of stress.
We had one malfunction when switching an empty tank to a filled one. Otherwise the portable tanks we have been using have worked great. My mother plays "invalid" though and expects everyone else to take care of this for her and other things, as well.
I'm frustrated. I'm stressed out. One time we were on her way to her appointment (this was in the beginning) and mother refused to take a different tank. We stopped into the local clinic on our way outta town. By the time they had her hooked back up to a working tank her oxygen level was down to 80%- this was is 15 minutes. This gives me a great deal of anxiety as I'm thinking about this new tank system she has now and idk how to use them.
What I've decided to do and need some feedback on is this- mother and my second sister took this upon themselves to decide to do. I wasn't there when the guy showed them how to hook it up and run it. Since mother has made this decision, then shouldn't she be able to take responsibility to hook the thing up and be responsible to get it on herself? She can run a nebulizer machine by herself. Shouldn't she be able to also, do this?
If not and when it's time for me to take her to her next appointment and I cannot figure it out, is this my fault?
Mom isn't an invalid. She is able to take care of herself. She is quite capable of cooking and cleaning and taking care of herself. My second sister hasn't let this happen. She makes her food. She runs all over town to the different restaurants buying supper for mother- aka giving into her whims!
Also, mother has been sitting at home now for 3 weeks waiting for a call- all because she doesn't have an answering machine. If she had an answering machine, she wouldn't be held hostage by a telephone call.
I sure hope to get some support here because I'm falling apart.
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