Emotional Roller Coaster Is it normal?

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My emotions are way off the charts.  I knew a meltdown was coming and it happened this morning at church.  Let me give you a brief synopsis of the last few weeks.  Had a really, really good week 2 or 3 weeks ago.  Then, I think I did too much and paid for it, well, it hasn't gotten better.  Then last week, I started Livestrong at the YMCA (program for cancer survivors and their families to gain strength and endurance.  First, was discouraged about not feeling better (bouncing back as fast).  I got stubborn on Thurs. and did 10 minutes on the elipitical machine instead of stopping at 7 minutes when my body had had enough and then I really paid for it because my legs didn't want to work, then my brain started telling me that others were expecting me to be better than I was (I think it was just a comment or two from co=worker's that I misunderstood), then when I couldn't lift but 10 lbs with my arms, that bothered me because there was an 80+ year old gentleman at Livestrong that was lifting 30 or 40 lbs. with his arms.  Then, I try to do things during the week at my house like de-clutter, wash dishes, cook, clean etc and by the end of the week, I am tired and I have to rest on Sat. and sometimes Sunday. Then, there were some situations that happened with other folks that I am bothered by, then I get great news about me becoming a "great" aunt but my niece was having some trouble.  Then, I see a young man I watched grow up, go into the service, then he reconnected with the love of his life, got married to her and they recently had a baby and they dedicated him today at church and the music was fantastic at church and then I get a voicemail at church from my uncle who says that my aunt is in the hospital and they think her cancer came back.  She had lymphoma in 2008 and then 2010 and had been doing well.  Now, I'm look at saying good-bye to my other aunt.  I just lost my one aunt in April who had lupus, leukemia plus a few other health issues, now it appears that I may be losing my other aunt.  I lost my really good frend in Jan to cancer.  I normally have chronic constipation, and in 2011, (when I turned 50) I had a colonoscopy and they found a 2 inch polyp that took up 1/3 of my colon in the hepatic curve (upper right hand corner of the colon).  It took two colonoscopies  to get it removed and they said I was the poster child of why you need a colonoscopy, another 4 -5 years and I would of been full blown colon cancer.  In less than a year after that, I had another colonoscopy and the GI doc said that with constipation, that elongates the colon and I already have a long colon and that makes it more difficult for colonoscopies because they have to move the abdomen around in order to get through the curves and turns of the colon, so colonoscopies for me are brutal.  Anyway, from 2011 on, I've struggled with the chronic constipation.  All that to say, is that I have started having some pain in the lower rt. quadrant of my abdomen (where ovaries used to be) and since I had already had an appt. scheduled with my GI doctor I mentioned it.  Shee got concerned and called my onc. to see if they wanted to take the lead or if she should.  They said either way.  She did an X-ray of my abdomen for fecal load (she didn't want to do a ct scan because of the number of ct scans I've already had with the cancer).  Well, it came back "she's full of poop.  lol  SO, I was doing everything right so to speak and I'm still constipatated. Well, then it dawned on me that I was feeling some of the same symptoms I had had two or three years earlier feeling full, hard to bend over without feeling pressure and overall not feeling good.  So, she prescribed a new medicine and gave me samples and then the insurance company denied it.  This medicine we were hoping that it would kind of get my body/colon to start functioning like it was supposed to function.  Well, then, I did the milk of magnesia, took the samples and that has led to diaherra with no extra volume being eliminated.  SO, now I'm frustrated about that.    

I have been out of chemo. since Jan. 2, 2014.  Up until this point, I've done really, really well with the ups and downs of finding out I have a rare form of cancer to surgery then having chemo..    I have symptoms of recurrence but they are minor and not consistent and could be attributed to other conditions.  So in the back of my mind I'm wondering if the cancer is back.   IS THIS NORMAL?     

I just need an outlet where family members and close friends aren't able to see this so I can just vent.    If this is normal, how long does it typically last.  Never had so many ups and downs happening so quickly.

Comments

  • NoTimeForCancer
    NoTimeForCancer Member Posts: 3,386 Member
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    YOU ARE COMPLETELY

    YOU ARE COMPLETELY NORMAL!!!!  HUGS!!

    Seriously though, this is a good place to get out the fear, frustation, anger - we all understand it.  Please do not beat yourself up about it.  The first year after I finished treatment it was a year of "anniversaries".  This time last year....blah, blah, blah, I know I can't be the only one who did this.  

    For me, it got better with time and just like the one step at a time that got you to where you are now, you have to keep at it the same, that one step at a time.  If you really are having problems, maybe you can talk to your priest or pastor.

     

  • Kaleena
    Kaleena Member Posts: 2,088 Member
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    Completely normal

    With everything that has been going on, it is completely normal.   I have been going through some of the same feelings as you.

    First of all, you must ask yourself, Why am I feeling this way?   Its because you are not feeling yourself thats why.   If you didn't have this small symptoms, then your mind wouldn't race and then you start to think.  Do any of these apply to you?

    1.   Ask yourself - Why do I feel this way and answer yourself honestly.   You may find that it is really because generally you don't feel well.  Tired, fatigued, loss of interest because of your symptoms.

    2.   When you tell a friend and/or family about a symptom, they tell you to shrug it off.   However, what they don't know is that you have been having this symptom and it really does bother you and you are concerned so this response from them makes you feel funny.  Once friends and family members see you have survived, although they ask how you are, they really don't want to hear too much more.

    3.   When you tell the physician your symptoms, they indicate that it is not a recurrence but don't tell you what it might be or what it could be.  You can go to several types of doctors and still get the same answer AND to boot you are still experiencing the symptom.    I found out that most of the doctors now adays only treat a specific area so if it doesn't pertain to them, they don't advise you on it.   Be proactive and seek out what may be causing your problem.

    4.   When we lose loved ones, our own problems come to surface again.

     

    You will get through this.   I found out this is about the best place for me to vent.   I just did that on one of my posts.  I didn't care if anyone replied.  I just had to say what I felt.

    Hang in there!   

    Kathy

     

    P S   However, if it is more than that, then you probably should see your PCP if it is something you just can't shake - I mean if you are feeling really depressed.

     

  • Kaleena
    Kaleena Member Posts: 2,088 Member
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    Here's another thing.

    Where do you go?    The good news is that you are a survivor.    As a result, the medical facilities kind of put us somewhere in the middle.   You are out of treatment, but where do you go?  Your PCP says ask your oncologist.   We cannot go back to the days before we had cancer.    We need a place where we can meet and discuss our current issues and have someone listen and refer us to a place where we can seek the help we need.

    I have depended on my gyne/onc for ALL of my problems.  But in a way, thats unfair to them.  My PCP doesn't know what to do either.   So it is frustrating in a way because we feel lost.

    Just my thought on the whole thing.

    See - I had my rant - lol

    Kathy

  • Abbycat2
    Abbycat2 Member Posts: 644 Member
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    Kaleena said:

    Here's another thing.

    Where do you go?    The good news is that you are a survivor.    As a result, the medical facilities kind of put us somewhere in the middle.   You are out of treatment, but where do you go?  Your PCP says ask your oncologist.   We cannot go back to the days before we had cancer.    We need a place where we can meet and discuss our current issues and have someone listen and refer us to a place where we can seek the help we need.

    I have depended on my gyne/onc for ALL of my problems.  But in a way, thats unfair to them.  My PCP doesn't know what to do either.   So it is frustrating in a way because we feel lost.

    Just my thought on the whole thing.

    See - I had my rant - lol

    Kathy

    Thank goodness roller coasters come to an end!

    Hi, Jeanette,

    Just so you know, I hate roller coasters, but certainly understand the emotional roller coaster that you have been on.  We were both diagnosed with UPSC Stage IIIA and went through basically the same treatment two months apart.  Like you, I only have so much energy and by the end of the day I feel bone-weary tired.  I have been swimming a mile and a half every time I go to the local pool, and I find that that just about does me in for the day!  I just have not recovered from the chemo yet and maybe it will take a long time to do so.  Don't kick yourself because an old man can lift more weights than you can.  Maybe he's been lifting 30-40 lbs. for years and years and besides, he's a man, and they tend to be stronger than most women. You are exercising and that is a very good thing: be proud of that!  I agree with what Kathy said.  When people ask us how we are, they really don't want to hear the details or anything negative.  Jeanette, you have had a lot of loss recently- your health, your aunt, now another aunt is ill and you lost a dear friend recently.  Let yourself grieve at your own pace and be gentle with yourself.  I grieved for months after discovering I had cancer.  I had always been vibrantly healthy!  I also think it is scary not being in treatment.  I wonder all the time what is going on inside me that I don't know about.  I suspect that with time and distance, perhaps it will get easier for you to cope with the cancer diagnosis.  I hope so!

    Feel free to vent here anytime, Jeanette, as there isn't a woman here who doesn't understand where you are coming from.  I hope today will be a better day for you!

    Warmly,

    Cathy       

  • Abbycat2
    Abbycat2 Member Posts: 644 Member
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    YOU ARE COMPLETELY

    YOU ARE COMPLETELY NORMAL!!!!  HUGS!!

    Seriously though, this is a good place to get out the fear, frustation, anger - we all understand it.  Please do not beat yourself up about it.  The first year after I finished treatment it was a year of "anniversaries".  This time last year....blah, blah, blah, I know I can't be the only one who did this.  

    For me, it got better with time and just like the one step at a time that got you to where you are now, you have to keep at it the same, that one step at a time.  If you really are having problems, maybe you can talk to your priest or pastor.

     

    Love your photo, NoTimeForCancer

     

    NTFC,

    I like your picture.  I have to laugh, because sooooo many of my female parts have been removed!  :)

  • Judemo
    Judemo Member Posts: 167 Member
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    Abbycat2 said:

    Thank goodness roller coasters come to an end!

    Hi, Jeanette,

    Just so you know, I hate roller coasters, but certainly understand the emotional roller coaster that you have been on.  We were both diagnosed with UPSC Stage IIIA and went through basically the same treatment two months apart.  Like you, I only have so much energy and by the end of the day I feel bone-weary tired.  I have been swimming a mile and a half every time I go to the local pool, and I find that that just about does me in for the day!  I just have not recovered from the chemo yet and maybe it will take a long time to do so.  Don't kick yourself because an old man can lift more weights than you can.  Maybe he's been lifting 30-40 lbs. for years and years and besides, he's a man, and they tend to be stronger than most women. You are exercising and that is a very good thing: be proud of that!  I agree with what Kathy said.  When people ask us how we are, they really don't want to hear the details or anything negative.  Jeanette, you have had a lot of loss recently- your health, your aunt, now another aunt is ill and you lost a dear friend recently.  Let yourself grieve at your own pace and be gentle with yourself.  I grieved for months after discovering I had cancer.  I had always been vibrantly healthy!  I also think it is scary not being in treatment.  I wonder all the time what is going on inside me that I don't know about.  I suspect that with time and distance, perhaps it will get easier for you to cope with the cancer diagnosis.  I hope so!

    Feel free to vent here anytime, Jeanette, as there isn't a woman here who doesn't understand where you are coming from.  I hope today will be a better day for you!

    Warmly,

    Cathy       

    Sorry your struggling

    Jeanette,

    sorry to hear your going through a hard time.  I agree with the others who say this is a safe place to say pretty much anything.  We all support you.  Please hang in there and I hope you start feeling better very soon.  After my hysterectomy 3 weeks ago I have been taking stool softeners daily and they have been a god-send!  But, it sounds like your situation is a little more difficult for you due to the layout of your colon. I hope you can find relief!  Please hang in there.  I wish I could be more helpful.

  • NoTimeForCancer
    NoTimeForCancer Member Posts: 3,386 Member
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    Abbycat2 said:

    Love your photo, NoTimeForCancer

     

    NTFC,

    I like your picture.  I have to laugh, because sooooo many of my female parts have been removed!  :)

    I was waiting for the perfect

    I was waiting for the perfect picture.  This was from a 10 MILE walk this past Saturday for the hospital that treated me and the sign is for the National Race to End Women's Cancer in November I will be doing.  I love thier sign and think it is just the thing we ladies need to talk about our below the belt cancers. 

    I can tell you the shades hide the pain in my calves!  3.1 more miles and it would have been a Mini!!  I wish they would change it to 10K not MILES.

  • It happened to Me
    It happened to Me Member Posts: 206 Member
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    Thank You ALL

    Thanks so much for the words of encouragement and wisdom and the advice.  I slept well and woke up before I usually do.  Major (my 11 yr old boxer) and I went for a longer walk this a.m.  I read my devotional book (Jesus Calling) and my Bible.  I have a whole new attitude and decided that I will not allow people to have that much impact on my mind with their words.  They don't know, they've never had cancer.  I have a song in my heart.  My aunt will get a port in and have 3 - 4 days of intense chemo..  I would imagine it's just to prolong life a bit.  The onc. told her the cancer came back worse this time.  She looked better and acted better.  

    I actually feel back to my normal happy self.  Still have the aches and pains, the GI doctor is going to Rx a lower dose and insurance should cover it.  I don't have the pressure and the feeling of being full anymore, so I think maybe my colon is a little less full than it was.

    So, life is back to my new normal.  I think I can handle things again.   Just was a bit overwhelmed and wasn't processing things very well. 

    So thanks again peach sisters.  It's so nice to know that I'm not alone facing this journey and have ladies to turn to and you understand.  Thanks for letting me vent.  A huge help.

    Jeanette

  • Kaleena
    Kaleena Member Posts: 2,088 Member
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    Thank You ALL

    Thanks so much for the words of encouragement and wisdom and the advice.  I slept well and woke up before I usually do.  Major (my 11 yr old boxer) and I went for a longer walk this a.m.  I read my devotional book (Jesus Calling) and my Bible.  I have a whole new attitude and decided that I will not allow people to have that much impact on my mind with their words.  They don't know, they've never had cancer.  I have a song in my heart.  My aunt will get a port in and have 3 - 4 days of intense chemo..  I would imagine it's just to prolong life a bit.  The onc. told her the cancer came back worse this time.  She looked better and acted better.  

    I actually feel back to my normal happy self.  Still have the aches and pains, the GI doctor is going to Rx a lower dose and insurance should cover it.  I don't have the pressure and the feeling of being full anymore, so I think maybe my colon is a little less full than it was.

    So, life is back to my new normal.  I think I can handle things again.   Just was a bit overwhelmed and wasn't processing things very well. 

    So thanks again peach sisters.  It's so nice to know that I'm not alone facing this journey and have ladies to turn to and you understand.  Thanks for letting me vent.  A huge help.

    Jeanette

    Hugs

    Jeanette;

    Sending you hugs!!!  glad you are feeling better!

    Kathy

  • It happened to Me
    It happened to Me Member Posts: 206 Member
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    Kaleena said:

    Hugs

    Jeanette;

    Sending you hugs!!!  glad you are feeling better!

    Kathy

    Thanks

    Thanks Kathy, I am feeling better mentally and emotionally and spiritually.  Something just doesn't feel right with my body.  My heart is at the hospital with my aunt who had a port inserted and will start intense chemo. tomorrow.  She is having a ct scan of lower body today and they are making sure her levels are up.  She is very weak.  My cousin updates me but it's not the same as being there, but I know that she needs rest. 

    Thank you again all of you wonderful ladies for the words of encouragement and wisdom. I am doing much better.  Love you peach sisters.

    Jeanette

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
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    Thanks

    Thanks Kathy, I am feeling better mentally and emotionally and spiritually.  Something just doesn't feel right with my body.  My heart is at the hospital with my aunt who had a port inserted and will start intense chemo. tomorrow.  She is having a ct scan of lower body today and they are making sure her levels are up.  She is very weak.  My cousin updates me but it's not the same as being there, but I know that she needs rest. 

    Thank you again all of you wonderful ladies for the words of encouragement and wisdom. I am doing much better.  Love you peach sisters.

    Jeanette

    There is strength in numbers,vent as much as you like.

    You are allowed to feel discouraged,you are allowed to feel the burden of your load,you are allowed to stumble, I hope the many comforting words and the creator will keep you from falling.Stay strong,