How do you feel as a woman

csr771
csr771 Member Posts: 117
in Breast Cancer #1

I have not been  on this site in quite some time. Part of it because I didn't know what to say. Part of it because i was dealing with my own feelings and don't believer that I ever came to a peaceful place.  I was diagnosed in 2010 with Stage 1 cancer.  There was on site of invasive cancer that was .9 cm.  I had other locations where the cancer was in situ.  I opted to have a mastectomy and immediate rebuilt.  As time has passed and I look at my disfigured body I look at it with distress, depression and disgust.  I need to be able to move beyond this.  Perhaps some of my femine confidence will return.  I know that I am more than my breast, but there is something that has taken away my confidence, feeling attractive and desirable and comfortable in my own skin, shoes, body,etc.  Is there anyone out there that feels the same.  If so, would you like to chat?

 

 

Comments

  • RozHopkins
    RozHopkins Member Posts: 578 Member
    #2
    Thankfully my husband doesn't

    Thankfully my husband doesn't seem to mind about the scarring (bilateral).  What I feel is i do not like how I look unclothed but do in fact look 'normal' dressed.  Plus as I am in my 50s when the aches, pains, and other medical stuff starts becoming apparent.  Hormones, weight gain, its a tough time even without cancer.  No I don't like it and struggle some days.  The plastic surgeon got my look reasonably good after additional surgery but I am larger on one side slightly etc. excess skin under an arm, because I was very large before bilateral.  One side is over stretched an indented but really i am the only one who knows.  Then there's that feeling, what's that pain?  Is it back?  Very hard.  Buy nice but comfortable clothes that make you feel good.  Get a good hair style, maybe makeup that suits your coloring.  Surround yourself with positive people, upbeat, it rubs off.  See if a better diet helps you feel better and exercise a little at a time and build it up slowly.  But only what you enjoy.  I hate running and step aerobics for instance But love Pilates and Yoga, that kind of thing.  At night time get some thing to wear that looks nice but covers the scarring, there is no end of styles out there, comfy or lacy, short, long.  Good luck.

     

  • mamaxs2
    mamaxs2 Member Posts: 12
    #3
    RozHopkins said:

    Thankfully my husband doesn't

    Thankfully my husband doesn't seem to mind about the scarring (bilateral).  What I feel is i do not like how I look unclothed but do in fact look 'normal' dressed.  Plus as I am in my 50s when the aches, pains, and other medical stuff starts becoming apparent.  Hormones, weight gain, its a tough time even without cancer.  No I don't like it and struggle some days.  The plastic surgeon got my look reasonably good after additional surgery but I am larger on one side slightly etc. excess skin under an arm, because I was very large before bilateral.  One side is over stretched an indented but really i am the only one who knows.  Then there's that feeling, what's that pain?  Is it back?  Very hard.  Buy nice but comfortable clothes that make you feel good.  Get a good hair style, maybe makeup that suits your coloring.  Surround yourself with positive people, upbeat, it rubs off.  See if a better diet helps you feel better and exercise a little at a time and build it up slowly.  But only what you enjoy.  I hate running and step aerobics for instance But love Pilates and Yoga, that kind of thing.  At night time get some thing to wear that looks nice but covers the scarring, there is no end of styles out there, comfy or lacy, short, long.  Good luck.

     

    It will be okay

    I am five days post-op after a double mastectomy, and I am 42.  I am just thankful to have been diagnosed early also, Stage 1, but I tested BRAC positive.  Life goes on.  I am sure emotions will come later, but right now, I am just concentrating on physically recovering.  One day at a time.  One appointment at a time.  Words a dear friend told me who is my survivor sister, and words I live by.

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #4
    I have  had two lumpectomies

    I have  had two lumpectomies on the same side-lop sided yes...i just buy cheap bra (not very much chest to start with) and bathing suits so not noticable (TO me I dont' think anyone notices)

    ONE lumpectomy was for the cancer and second one years later THINKING it was cancer-was scar tissue from first surgery.

     

    I do not look at myself in mirror often-but it doesn't haunt me , per say. I look at it as I am here and the cancer is gone!  I AM 55 yrs old...so not sure if that makes a difference on it not bothering me too much.

     I have had so many misc surgeries I am many scars-face bike accident as child, tubular pregnancy and then hysterctomy (FROM cancer med), fingers for arthritis, shoulder (rear-ended) (each surgery at least 2 times same spot

     

    I have had facial scar sincce i was 12 so used to it.

     

    Mine was caught very early.

    Denise

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #5
    mamaxs2 said:

    It will be okay

    I am five days post-op after a double mastectomy, and I am 42.  I am just thankful to have been diagnosed early also, Stage 1, but I tested BRAC positive.  Life goes on.  I am sure emotions will come later, but right now, I am just concentrating on physically recovering.  One day at a time.  One appointment at a time.  Words a dear friend told me who is my survivor sister, and words I live by.

    Mamaxs-hope all goes smoothly

    Mamaxs-hope all goes smoothly as it..can...

     

    You are right, think of how it was caught early and go from there.

    Denise

  • button2
    button2 Member Posts: 421
    #6
    Mastectomy

    I think exercise is so important for BC survivors. I am training to run the Race for the Cure in my country in two weeks. The improvement in my lower body has given me lots of confidence. It's great to slip into jeans I wore pre-diagnosis (May 2012). I have chosen to have no reconstruction after my radical mastectomy on the right side. I think the best thing was my husband telling me that he hates the scar but loves me and is just glad that I'm still here. No bothering with acting like I still have a beautiful cleavage! I like honesty. If your doctor permits, getting out in the fresh air and just walking would do you a ton of good. Beyond that, femininity comes from so many things other than your bustline. Having beautiful nails/toenails, make-up, wearing a nice outfit, being sensitive and kind to people and animals. Enjoy nature every day. I got caught in a rainstorm today with no umbrella and I chose to laugh as I rushed along. Life is short, time to start enjoying the little things!

     

  • GlowMore
    GlowMore Member Posts: 789 Member
    #7
    button2 said:

    Mastectomy

    I think exercise is so important for BC survivors. I am training to run the Race for the Cure in my country in two weeks. The improvement in my lower body has given me lots of confidence. It's great to slip into jeans I wore pre-diagnosis (May 2012). I have chosen to have no reconstruction after my radical mastectomy on the right side. I think the best thing was my husband telling me that he hates the scar but loves me and is just glad that I'm still here. No bothering with acting like I still have a beautiful cleavage! I like honesty. If your doctor permits, getting out in the fresh air and just walking would do you a ton of good. Beyond that, femininity comes from so many things other than your bustline. Having beautiful nails/toenails, make-up, wearing a nice outfit, being sensitive and kind to people and animals. Enjoy nature every day. I got caught in a rainstorm today with no umbrella and I chose to laugh as I rushed along. Life is short, time to start enjoying the little things!

     

    U (Button) 2

    You,  Ms Button 2....have a great attitude............what a Ray of Sunshine you will be to all of us here....please keep posting....   :)

  • Bella Luna
    Bella Luna Member Posts: 1,578 Member
    #8
    Suggestion

    Going through a traumatic surgery that alters your body can effect your outlook on how you see yourself.  We are all unique and cope with such trauma differently.  That being said, have you thought about talking to a professional about it? 

    When I was undergoing treatment, I went to a cancer support group.  They had free counseling services for those who needed an empathetic ear.  These were trained professionals who knew how to counsel those who were dealing with a boatload of stuff brought on by cancer.  Just a thought.  Hope you don't mind the suggestion. 

     

    My best to you always,

    Ines 

  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    #9
    Bella Luna said:

    Suggestion

    Going through a traumatic surgery that alters your body can effect your outlook on how you see yourself.  We are all unique and cope with such trauma differently.  That being said, have you thought about talking to a professional about it? 

    When I was undergoing treatment, I went to a cancer support group.  They had free counseling services for those who needed an empathetic ear.  These were trained professionals who knew how to counsel those who were dealing with a boatload of stuff brought on by cancer.  Just a thought.  Hope you don't mind the suggestion. 

     

    My best to you always,

    Ines 

    "Feminity is more than a bustline"

    I like that statement, Button!  I was amazed after I had my hysterectomy that I had a moment of "I'm not a woman anymore".  My goodness, I was 63 years old and the equipment hadn't done anything other than sit there is fester some cancer cells anyway.  I had my hysterectomy 6 weeks after my lumpectomy and that turned out well cosmetically.  And I'm now 67 and my breasts are both still intact, yet I still understand the feeling of loss of feminity.  And I can't help it, I'm still vane.  But most of my issues can be dealt with by diet and exercise - and I'm not trying to be a sexy, foxy, young woman - just like to look good enough in public.    My hair did not come back after chemotherapy.  Everyone can see my head!  So here I am at 67 wearing really cute wigs, getting eyelash extensions, permanent makeup,  exercising and all the things I've been doing all my life to look as good as possible while still being age appropriate.  My husband is probably more accepting of the ageing thing than I am and some day I'll have to stop with the eyelashes and revert to gray (but cute) wigs and get over myself I guess.  Just not yet.

    Last week I attended a lecture on breast reconstruction that was given by a plastic surgeon to my volunteer group.  I was really impressed with the DIEP reconstruction results, but not everyone can undergo that lengthy surgery.  I don't know what I would have been faced with had I needed/chosen a mastectomy.  We're all so overwhelmed at the time of diagnosis, how does one even think of such things?  All we want to do at that time is get the cancer gone!  So many women live with no breasts, or have bad reconstruction, or deformities from lumpectomies.  I know if I were a young woman, I'd have a hard time with all of that.  At my age, I'd find a way around it, but I'm 67, not 37! 

    Your self esteem is appropriate and we live in a vane society and don't you just want to slap someone when they say "but you always look so nice" or "at least you're still alive"!

    Suzanne

  • button2
    button2 Member Posts: 421
    #10
    GlowMore said:

    U (Button) 2

    You,  Ms Button 2....have a great attitude............what a Ray of Sunshine you will be to all of us here....please keep posting....   :)

    Thank you

    Thanks for your kind words. I try to help people because the truth is that way I am helping myself. I really have a hard time asking for support but I am going to post soon as I have a CT scan coming up and I'm pretty scared. There - I said it! I guess I try to be ready for the worst and hoping for the best. Looking forward to hearing more from you too :)

  • GlowMore
    GlowMore Member Posts: 789 Member
    #11
    Double Whammy said:

    "Feminity is more than a bustline"

    I like that statement, Button!  I was amazed after I had my hysterectomy that I had a moment of "I'm not a woman anymore".  My goodness, I was 63 years old and the equipment hadn't done anything other than sit there is fester some cancer cells anyway.  I had my hysterectomy 6 weeks after my lumpectomy and that turned out well cosmetically.  And I'm now 67 and my breasts are both still intact, yet I still understand the feeling of loss of feminity.  And I can't help it, I'm still vane.  But most of my issues can be dealt with by diet and exercise - and I'm not trying to be a sexy, foxy, young woman - just like to look good enough in public.    My hair did not come back after chemotherapy.  Everyone can see my head!  So here I am at 67 wearing really cute wigs, getting eyelash extensions, permanent makeup,  exercising and all the things I've been doing all my life to look as good as possible while still being age appropriate.  My husband is probably more accepting of the ageing thing than I am and some day I'll have to stop with the eyelashes and revert to gray (but cute) wigs and get over myself I guess.  Just not yet.

    Last week I attended a lecture on breast reconstruction that was given by a plastic surgeon to my volunteer group.  I was really impressed with the DIEP reconstruction results, but not everyone can undergo that lengthy surgery.  I don't know what I would have been faced with had I needed/chosen a mastectomy.  We're all so overwhelmed at the time of diagnosis, how does one even think of such things?  All we want to do at that time is get the cancer gone!  So many women live with no breasts, or have bad reconstruction, or deformities from lumpectomies.  I know if I were a young woman, I'd have a hard time with all of that.  At my age, I'd find a way around it, but I'm 67, not 37! 

    Your self esteem is appropriate and we live in a vane society and don't you just want to slap someone when they say "but you always look so nice" or "at least you're still alive"!

    Suzanne

    Well...

    I honestly can't say I would have been able to handle it very well if it had happened to me at a younger age or if my husband were alive...but I was widowed at 61 and had my lumpectomy at 66....so did not have to face that.  I hope that I would have sought professional help with it.  I did go to Cancer Support Group during chemo and I remember a couple who came and the woman was so miserable...my heart went out to her...but if you focus on the fact that first you must LIVE...before you can worry about the rest of it.......  ?    It is all so terribly hard....I have found it is best not to dwell on things I can't change and try my best to stay positive.  Love is not about how you look.........

  • button2
    button2 Member Posts: 421
    #12
    Double Whammy said:

    "Feminity is more than a bustline"

    I like that statement, Button!  I was amazed after I had my hysterectomy that I had a moment of "I'm not a woman anymore".  My goodness, I was 63 years old and the equipment hadn't done anything other than sit there is fester some cancer cells anyway.  I had my hysterectomy 6 weeks after my lumpectomy and that turned out well cosmetically.  And I'm now 67 and my breasts are both still intact, yet I still understand the feeling of loss of feminity.  And I can't help it, I'm still vane.  But most of my issues can be dealt with by diet and exercise - and I'm not trying to be a sexy, foxy, young woman - just like to look good enough in public.    My hair did not come back after chemotherapy.  Everyone can see my head!  So here I am at 67 wearing really cute wigs, getting eyelash extensions, permanent makeup,  exercising and all the things I've been doing all my life to look as good as possible while still being age appropriate.  My husband is probably more accepting of the ageing thing than I am and some day I'll have to stop with the eyelashes and revert to gray (but cute) wigs and get over myself I guess.  Just not yet.

    Last week I attended a lecture on breast reconstruction that was given by a plastic surgeon to my volunteer group.  I was really impressed with the DIEP reconstruction results, but not everyone can undergo that lengthy surgery.  I don't know what I would have been faced with had I needed/chosen a mastectomy.  We're all so overwhelmed at the time of diagnosis, how does one even think of such things?  All we want to do at that time is get the cancer gone!  So many women live with no breasts, or have bad reconstruction, or deformities from lumpectomies.  I know if I were a young woman, I'd have a hard time with all of that.  At my age, I'd find a way around it, but I'm 67, not 37! 

    Your self esteem is appropriate and we live in a vane society and don't you just want to slap someone when they say "but you always look so nice" or "at least you're still alive"!

    Suzanne

    Thanks Suzanne

    You look just gorgeous and I can't believe you're 67. Your comments are so positive and helpful to everyone. I have heard about Diep but decided it's not for me. I love exercising so much that I would be afraid to cut my back muscles. Besides, I'm happy! Why fix something if it ain't broken? (Well ok a radical mastectomy is a little broken). I think it's great to get surgery for those who do want it. If I were 25, I probably would too. About your husband, aren't men just great? They don't read fashion magazines and thus aren't all caught up in the perfection game. Mine doesn't seem to care how much I weigh or how gray I am etc! So we really have to do what WE want and not what society thinks we should want!

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