YAY ??????????? Good Petscan report

pandagypsy

A little background: Feb. 2009 diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. Biopsy.Chemo.Neublasta. @ 6 months Total hysterectomy with debulking. Chemo. Neublasta-like drug. 12 months later in remission. Woked for first 6 months of treatment, Hours cut due to failing economy (enough hours to pay my weekly insurance premium) Economy getting worse, laid off, but owner (bless her heart) paid my insurance premiums until my surgery was over. Economy getting worse, company closes. eventually get on SSD and Medicaid for the financially needy. Catscans to check for reoccurance .

Fast forward to May 2014 yearly Catscan.....growing mass and actuvity in lymph node.Petscan for detail. positive for reoccurance of ovarian cancer. ****.  Had just made huge lifestyle change earlier in the year that was just coming together..........and then THIS....is cancer a FOUR LETTER WORD? I am not scared, just PISSED. STUPID CANCER. I've made plans. So far 3 months chemo. enemic. blood counts getting dangerously low.receving iron drug along with chemo. possible transfusiom next week.  BUT WAIT.............my rescan (PET) show no sign of cancer activity, Dr. says I should continue the rest of planned thereapy (3 more cycles = 9 weeks) for GOOD REMISSION. I hate this but tell him I want to do what I can to achieve the longest remission I can,,,,I accept that I will never be "CURED". What I am having a problem with is the EXCITEMENT of everyone around me......Doctors.....husband.........sister.............daughter............but especially husband, he is thrilled.  We came home after 4 hours of treatment and hugged me and said " GOOD NEWS...IT'S GONE FOR NOW!!!" I gave him a half hearted "woo-hoo" and threw some imaginary confetti. He looked so disappointed, I just said, yes, that is VERY GOOD NEWS.....but I am so tired..........exhausted......I just want to lay down and go to sleep. I feel like I should feel some sort of "gratitude", but it just isn't there. Maybe after my early morning "pool therapy" in our community pool will bring some understanding to me..........no one else is around, I spend 2 hours "zoned" mostly floating around on my back, walking in the pool, doing a couple of laps.....will I feel any of the victorious feelings everyone else has for me? CANCER SUCKS