How do you cope with impending death of best friend's cancer?

Baltimoreblues Member Posts: 1

Good Morning,


My best friend has been battling Anal Cancer for about 8 months now. He has already been through several rounds of Chemo as well as a surgery to remove the tumor that started this whole thing. The problem now is that that the surgery is done, the Cancer has seemed to spread. I visited him in the hospital recently and he told me that the Cancer has spread. They found a spot on his liver, lymph nodes and the Cancer has been found in the lining of his intestines. Right now they have removed his Colon and has a calostomy (spelling??) bag and is still in the hospital.

According to his doctors, they are only giving him 2-4 months to live.

I am trying to stay strong for him as I am noticing that he is starting to give up the battle. I keep telling him that he needs to fight but I am starting to see some weakness. Can anyone give me some tips on keeping his spirits up and to keep fighting.

Best Regards,

Concerned for a friend.


  • horsepad
    horsepad Member Posts: 146 Member
    I am so sorry to hear about

    I am so sorry to hear about your friend.  I am a stage four survivor (cancer had spread to lympth nodes and liver).    Knowing others that have survived stage 4 of any cancer was VERY encouraging to me when I was fighting my cancer.  I have been cancer free almost 3 years.  My doctors were totally honest about my diagnosis but I never gave up the will to fight.  I also had alot of people praying for me.  The prayers saved my life.  I will pray for your friend.  Please encourage him to read of others who have lived many years after such a diagnosis for inspiration.  Getting a closer relationship with God will bring him peace and comfort.  God carried me through many hard times during my treatment and I couldn't have done it without knowing, no matter what, God is with me.

    Having a caring friend to be there for you also means alot.  He needs his friends/family for talking about his illness, understanding and comfort.



  • lilou
    lilou Member Posts: 23
    your friend


    So really the cure is not possible, it is necessary to accompany best than you can your friend by respecting his wills. I see he lowers the arms but you know, the treatments are painful and very tiring. Ask to the doctors to help to leave peacefully. Good courage with you

  • lowens
    lowens Member Posts: 37
    My sympathy and prayers for your friend...

    I am so very, very sorry your friend is a part of this cancer group. I was diagnosed with anal cancer March 2012 at age 52, my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer October 2012 at age 48, and my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer (although she never smoked) November of 2012 at age 81. My sister and I have been told we have NED. My mother's cancer came back, was told she had 2-6 months in January of this year. She passed away in April. I do believe in prayer and I do believe in miracles. Prayers and support got me and my sister through our cancer journey. When we could tell my mother was getting weaker and weaker and definitely sicker, I knew we had to give it to God. Comfort was most important. We let my mother know she would get what she needed for the pain (which was so hard on her and hard for us to watch). My only regret is I wish I had been with her more often as she was so scared and so lonely if one of her four daughters was not with her (dementia caused a lot of her fears). I am so thankful my three sisters and I were with her when she passed. She felt our love and we told her every chance, every minute we could how much we loved her and how much she meant to us. I miss her so much but God has his plan and we were there for my mother as she crossed over. Be there for your friend, tell your friend how much your friendship means to you, tell your friend how strong and courageous he is. There is always life whether it is here or in Heaven. There are great things awaiting your friend but until that move happens, you are here for him. Keep positive about HIM. He needs your support. I am so happy you are there for him.


  • lp1964
    lp1964 Member Posts: 1,239 Member
    Thank you for...

    ...being such a beautiful friend. Cancer is a overwhelming experience at any stage. Tell your friend that our next breath is not guaranteed whether healthy or not. Look at all the weird accidents and natural disasyers that kill kids and the healthiest adults. He still is himself with all his personality, emotions, knowledge and skills. He just happens to have cancer. No matter how long we live, we have to appreciate this life, because this is the only one we got.

    I wish both of you the strength to get through this.


  • sandysp
    sandysp Member Posts: 868 Member
    in the same boat

    I am in the same boat. I went with my friend to her last doctor's appointment and have visited her on her hospital stays and for her first infusion. We text each other but she is often too sick to even do that.

    It's a lonely journey sometimes and those who have cancer are very cheered by words of support and concern.

    Good luck to you.



  • qv62
    qv62 Member Posts: 434 Member

    So sorry to hear the news of your friends diagnosis. I just sent some prayers your way for both of you. Stay strong and keep faith althogh it is not easy in this situation. Is your friend able to travel ? Maybe a small trip to share and make memories. Virtual hugs to you both