My dad's esophageal cancer metastasized to lungs

saramc76
saramc76 Member Posts: 1
in Esophageal Cancer #1

My dad has been living with esophageal cancer since spring 2013. He recently was given news that the cancer has spread to his lungs. My stepmom is his primary caregiver and, to be quite honest, neither of them really want to divulge much on anything. I hear from my sister, who is the person my stepmom vents to the most, that Dad doesn't want to talk about it. Today, I have finally reached the point where I'm tired of hearing this. I have not prodded out of respect. I'm kind of afraid to for fear of being shut out, or not getting much info, or being lied to. I can tell my stepmom is wearing out and doesn't want to discuss it. She and I don't have as good of a relationship as my sis and her so I don't feel as though I can confide in her my worries and feelings nor ask about hers. My dad is just plain tired. I suppose I just want advise on how to cope with the lack of communication or how to approach either of them. Now that I know the prognosis is definately not as hopeful is was telling myself it was just a few months ago, I'm not feeling like the positive person I was and also want to hear how others have coped or are coping. I know this may read out haphazard but I'm feeling frustrated.

Comments

  • JKGulliver
    JKGulliver Member Posts: 93
    #2
    Lotsa Helping Hands

    Sounds like this is a complicated situation and I don't know if there is any easy way to overcome a lifetime of communication problems.  However, you might ask your sister to set up an account with a third party organization like Lotsa Helping Hands, or Caring Bridge.  Then, have her put you on it.  Your stepmother can enter information and communicate with a larger number of people at one time.   I did this when my husband got EC last spring.  It saved me because repeating information over and over again was exhausting.  At least, that way, you will the information everyone else does.

    Another communication strategy is to have yourself put of the list of people who can speak directly to the doctor.  Your parents have to agree, but it can be done.

    With regard to coping - a person I never liked said something, on time, that was very true.  There is no problem that can't be cured with a change of attitude.  Cancer is unbelievably stressful on the patient and the caregiver.  Go over to your parent's house and do the dishes, the laundry or the vacuuming.  Mow the lawn.  Sometimes, physical activity inspires discussion.

    All the best.

     

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