Advice Regarding My Mother

AgGuy101

Hello All, My mother is a Stage 4 Breast Cancer Patient. She found a lump about 4-5 years ago, but never saught out treatment until about 2 years ago when the cancer literally ulcerated and ate a hole through her flesh. At that point, they were able to radiate and shrink the tumor where it was once again operable and she underwent a single masectomy. At the same time they told her she had mets in most of her bones including multiple tumors on her spine. She underwent many rounds of radiation and also did three different types of hormone therapy. (She did not want to chemo, because the radiation already had made her sick to her stomach.) After about a year and a few months, her tumor markers began to rise which led to to the use of several different treatments. Nothing seemed to work and her tumor markers continue to climb steadily. After a complete CT Scan of Abdomen, the scan showed numerous lesions in her liver, two of significan size. This was three months ago, which led to her decision to discontinue all treatments. She did very well at first, but we have seen a steady decline over the last few weeks. She has gotten weaker, her appetite is getting worse, and she seems to be bloating some in her abdomen. Of course her pain in her back and bones has gotten worse as well.

My question for the forum is what to expect in the coming months and weeks. She has ultimately put this in God's hands, but as her family we want to know what to expect and what we can do for her. We've discussed hospice and that is something we are considering right now. She still get's out some, but only can do things for a few minutes at a time. She is not bed ridden at this point, but afraid that time is quickly approaching. No jaundice or discoloration of skin at this point, but she is pale and not eating well. Anything that anyone can offer would be helpful.

Best wishes to all!

New Flower

I am very sorry and here to help

Welcome  to the CSN community,

 I am very sorry that your mother conditions and tramendious devastation you and your family have been going through.  It is hard to see suffering and feel hopeless. i am not sure that we can tell you what to expect during final stages of this disease. Probably, you need to make sure she is comfortable and free of pain. Is there any topics you have always wanted to share with her or ask? Now is the time.  Talk to her doctor and ask for help as well.

My thoughs are with you and your mother

ssb34

Advice for Mom

Hospice can be a good thing not only for your mother but your family as well. They have so much to offer, nurses to work with your mother to assist her with the things she can do. They have social workers, counseling services. It's a hard time for everyone involved and hospice care can help you get through things you are not aware of. I'm not an expert on hospice care, I did a short rotation in nursing school years ago,my mother had hospice care in the hospital for a few weeks. I also had a friend who was involved with hospice for along time. He was able to stay at home with his family. His wife told me she wouldn't have known what to do without the kindness,compassionate care the family got right to the end and beyond. I hope this helps. Big hugs to you and your family. I'll check back to see how you are doing.

AgGuy101

ssb34 said:

Advice for Mom

Hospice can be a good thing not only for your mother but your family as well. They have so much to offer, nurses to work with your mother to assist her with the things she can do. They have social workers, counseling services. It's a hard time for everyone involved and hospice care can help you get through things you are not aware of. I'm not an expert on hospice care, I did a short rotation in nursing school years ago,my mother had hospice care in the hospital for a few weeks. I also had a friend who was involved with hospice for along time. He was able to stay at home with his family. His wife told me she wouldn't have known what to do without the kindness,compassionate care the family got right to the end and beyond. I hope this helps. Big hugs to you and your family. I'll check back to see how you are doing.

Thank You

Thank you all for the kinds words and encouragment. Since my last post, my mom has went down-hill fast. She developed a condition called ascites, which is fluid build up in the abdomen--luckily its not too bad and they are trying to manage it with medication, but it doesn't seem to be helping too much. Jaudice has also started, last night her entire face, eyes, and even scalp was yellow. Today is not quite as bad, but then again it depends on the moment. She is increasingly tired and irritable. She can't sleep well because she can't get comfortable. I am hoping she will be more accepting to hospice care now, so they can help provide her some comfort.

She is still mobile and moving some. She tries to get out at least once a day, so that is encouraging. My mom has a very high tolerance to pain and knows how to put a good face if you know what I mean

It's just so hard to know what to expect next, etc. Thank you all for your kinds words. I will continue to post updates.

GlowMore

AgGuy101 said:

Thank You

Thank you all for the kinds words and encouragment. Since my last post, my mom has went down-hill fast. She developed a condition called ascites, which is fluid build up in the abdomen--luckily its not too bad and they are trying to manage it with medication, but it doesn't seem to be helping too much. Jaudice has also started, last night her entire face, eyes, and even scalp was yellow. Today is not quite as bad, but then again it depends on the moment. She is increasingly tired and irritable. She can't sleep well because she can't get comfortable. I am hoping she will be more accepting to hospice care now, so they can help provide her some comfort.

She is still mobile and moving some. She tries to get out at least once a day, so that is encouraging. My mom has a very high tolerance to pain and knows how to put a good face if you know what I mean

It's just so hard to know what to expect next, etc. Thank you all for your kinds words. I will continue to post updates.

Your Mom

If you have not contacted Hospice by now I would strongly advise you to do so.   What you are discribing sounds very much like what my sister went thru during the end stages of her Pancreatic Cancer.  Hospice is a wonderful organization and they will help her and you in facing this.   May God give you the strength to find peace during this hard time.