Personal Choices Poll

girliefighter
girliefighter Member Posts: 232
in Lymphoma (Hodgkin and Non-Hodgkin) #1

This is just kind of a personal choices poll to see how any of you would handle certain circumstances and any advice that can be provided.

1.I am at a point in my life where after being single for 17 years, I feel that I might be ready to start dating and allow myself to share my life and feelings with someone else. Do you think that I should share upfront with a potential person that I have Cancer and what I have been through or is it something that I should keep to myself. My Cancer was very quiet in my community until right at the end of my chemo treatments for fear that people would feel sorry for me and give me "pity love" My biggest fear is not telling someone and them getting upset and not being ready to deal with what may come in the future or sharing and having them feel like once they have some feelings for me that they are obligated to stay with me because they feel sorry for me.

2. The second question here is, I am also ready to start looking for an entry level medical job to get me into my field. Is this something that should be shared with a potential employer??

I am scared to share and find that I miss out on opportunities because people are scared to hire a "sick" person or not wanting to pay the insurance premiums, If I can even qualify for insurance coverage. I know this type of thing is against the law to discriminate, but I would be fooling myself not to think about it.

 

3. I applied for the Athletic Training Program at my school which only accepts 16 students per year, very competitive. I haven't heard If I made the cut yet or not, but am concerned that because I am still receiving treatments and am a single mother that I didn't get into the program. I know that I am more than qualified for this program and fear that I was not given the opportunity to prove myself because of my situation.

 

In the end, I know that my path has already been set and I cannot do anything to change it however, I would like to be able to control atleast a few decisions that get made about my futureWink. I continue to have faith

Any help, suggestion, advice or just plain ridicule will be appreciated

Carie

Comments

  • allmost60
    allmost60 Member Posts: 3,178 Member
    #2
    Yes, yes and yes....

    Hi Carrie,

      Well...in my humble opinion it is always better to be up front and completely honest from the get go. For myself, I prefer all the cards to be on the table. I've been like this all of my life and it has worked for me. I tell my kids..."your life should be an open book with nothing to hide". You are a smart vibrant young woman and deserve only the best, so go for everything! Life is too short to overthink "LIVING"! Let us know what you decide on sweetie, and "good luck"! Much love...Sue

  • Jeff148
    Jeff148 Member Posts: 184
    #3
    Yes No

    #1 I would tell a close friend. Once a new person becomes a close friend (dating for more than 2 months or so) they should know. As for #2, don't need to tell them. 

  • Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3
    Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3 Member Posts: 3,819 Member
    #4
    Go ahead !

    Carie,

    Congratulations on being ready to venture out into all of these new directions. I have a few thoughts (but no "plain ridicule").

    Regarding #1: I have always been a very forthright person.  Knowing someone has cancer causes many people to whisper behind their back, part from fear, part from not knowing what to say. I have been out in public with my wife many times, walked past someone I knew who did not speak to me, only to later see that they had sought out my wife to "ask about me." This is actually very common.  I am sure that their intentions were good.  They did not know, and I guess could not know, that I am willing to talk about my medical situation with any friend. It does not bother me at all.  Others are different, I guess.  I have never been "ashamed" of cancer or any of the many other serious medical conditions that I have had. Why should anyone be ?

    If I were single and dating, I most likely would mention the cancer early-on. I would not want to get involved with a person who would reject someone for that reason anyway.  Time to keep looking for a more open-minded and caring individual.  Just my opinions. 

    Good luck on 1, 2, and 3!  And everything else in your life and future,

    max

     

  • Rocquie
    Rocquie Member Posts: 869 Member
    #5
    Opinion

     

     

    Hi Carie,

    In your first and second questions, you use the word "potential". As in potential date and potential job. If it were me, I would not reveal too much personal information (of any nature) before there is even a date or an interview. But that is me--I tend to be very private. 

    In a dating situation, I would reveal my lymphoma history early on if it looked like a relationship could develop. I do think it is pertinent information. And I turn the question around. How soon would you want to know the same thing about another person? 

    As for an employer, I would only provide the information if it was of any consequence in the job (as Max suggests). 

    I don't know what the athletic training program is, so don't really know how to address that. I would say that your being a mother should have no bearing on anything (regardless of marital status). 

    And, of course I always wish the best for you in all your endeavors. 

    Love and hugs,

    Rocquie

     

     

  • jimwins
    jimwins Member Posts: 2,107
    #6
    Hi Carie!

    I've been away for the weekend attenting a high school graduation of one of my great/grand niece but I did read your post and have been thinking about it.

    For the most part I agree with Rocquie but will add my two cents :).

     

    1)  Regarding dating, get out there and test the waters and don't be too serious or looking for that elusive relationship in the beginning.  Based on what you say, it's been awhile and with everything else that has happened, is going on, etc. it might be beneficial to just have some fun and keep it light.  Give yourself some time to get back into the dating scene.  Similar to Rocquie, I think you should share your cancer story but you don't have to do it on the first date unless you're comfortable in doing it with that specific person.  You are a strong and beautiful person.  Any potential partner should see that.  Rejection may happen so prepare for that - it's not nececessarily a bad thing it's honest though a little painful I suppose.  I guess another consideration is what you are looking for at the present time.  You've been single and independent for a long time (applause) so the dynamics of "getting involved" might be a little tough at first :). 

    I did a quick search and found dating sites for cancer survivors if that is of interest to you.  I suppose the ideal situation would be to find a gorgeous person who has had cancer, is a single parent and is VERY RICH - LOL ;).

    2) It's not your employer's business unless your medical condition prevents you from doing the work, causes a safety issue, etc.  Be careful of signing anything that gives anyone permission/access to your medical records.  The new healthcare laws prevent you from being discriminated against due to pre-existing conditions, etc. 

    3) Go for it as long as your medical team approves of the activity.  Being a single mother shouldn't enter into the equation :).

    =================

    I understand your fears but don't let them paralyze you for long.  I remember those fighting gloves, go out in the ring of life and start swinging, Carie.  You might miss a few punches or get punched a few times but that is what life is all about - LIVING :).  I wish you the best and you know have friends here. 

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     DISCLAIMER:  No animal was harmed in the creation of this post. Wink

     

     

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