HELP! Attitude adjustment needed

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Photo queen
Photo queen Member Posts: 15
in Ovarian Cancer #1

It looks like it will be another beautiful day, but my mood is dark and dreary.  I was first diagnosed in December 2011.  I had the customary debunking surgery and carbo taxol regiment.  Was NED for 14 months then it returned.  Did 6 rounds of Doxil and avastin but counts went down then up to 22.   I was doing okay mentally for a long time, my doctors have always been honest about no cure and where this will ultimately end up.  They tried carbo taxol desenitation in the hospital since I am allergic to carbo.  Chemo up till then had been annoying but doable.  Only made two rounds in the hospital, still had a reaction even with all the premeds, and spent two months sick as a dog.  Now they are trying topotecan.  Counts are at 14, even though they expect them to rise.  I wake up every morning with this overwhelming sense of anxiety about what will go wrong today.  This disease is robbing me of whatever time I may have left with waves of uncertainty and dread.  The doctor prescribed Ativan, but I'm about half afraid to take it for fear of becoming hooked on it.  How do you ladies get thru every day?  What helps you to keep a positive attitude?  After two months of being so sick I can't seem to get past the blues, even though I am somewhat better.  I still have more bad days than good.  Topotecan makes me quite tired and getting a treatment every week for 3weeks in a row takes some getting used to.  Any advice you all have would be greatly appreciated.  I just have this overwhelming feeling that I need to run away.  While I know that is not the answer, where would I run to anyway?  HELP!

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  • scatsm
    scatsm Member Posts: 296 Member
    #2
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    Welcome to the board, Photo Queen!

    This disease is a mind game as much, if not more, than a physical one. There's a lot you can do to try to improve the mental part of this journey. I, myself, am in a first recurrence, on Carco/gemzar/Avastin, trying to get through each day. I take an antidepressant and use Lorazepam whenever I need it which can be daily during the dog days of post chemo yuck. I don't really think about  becoming dependent on taking an anti anxiety/anti nausea drug....I was in remission for 2 years and didn't take it at all.  My motto is whatever it takes to get by is what I will be doing. I've has plenty of down times, but my goal is try to enjoy something each and every day. Coming on the board helps too...there's always someone who has experienced what I am going through, or who can lift my spirits with a kind word.

    Don't give up hope...ned can always be in your future, but you still have to live each day. See a therapist, join a support group, hang out on this and other boards, do whatever it takes to shake the blues. Come back often and check in....

    Susan

     

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