I don't think I can do this

zenmama
zenmama Member Posts: 29
in Ovarian Cancer #1

Had the devastating news of a third recurrence.  CT scan finally showed signs of disease on my liver, and elevated CA 125, which has been climbing steadily from the teens or twenties to 300 since I finished chemo for my last (second) recurrence 15 months ago.  I am so not up for this.   The tears are flowing abundantly.  In a new miserable job, can hardly keep it together.  I have been crying for a week now....can't find my strength or optimism.   Fearful of how long it will be before I start feeling symptoms, start feeling unwell, and will have to make the decision about treatment (they aren't going to treat until I'm symptomatic).  And I don't see the point of more chemo since the last round clearly didn't kill everything.  I don't want to waste what time I have left being fearful and miserable, but as I said, I really don't think I can do this.

Comments

  • poopergirl14052
    poopergirl14052 Member Posts: 1,183 Member
    #2
    Please

    2014-04-08don't give up..you can do this. I know exactly how you feel...believe me. My motto...never give up HOPE..Stay strong...fight like a girl.....Val 

  • scatsm
    scatsm Member Posts: 296 Member
    #3
    Just let yourself be sad and

    Just let yourself be sad and angry and you will come out the other side...you will get your fight back and we will support you through this. I spoke to an old friend the other day whose wife had 3C ovarian, has had 6 or 7 recurrences and has managed to live well for over 10 years. I hope that for you, me and everyone else on this planet who suffers from cancer. Hang in there and come back here often!

    Susan

  • zenmama
    zenmama Member Posts: 29
    #4
    scatsm said:

    Just let yourself be sad and

    Just let yourself be sad and angry and you will come out the other side...you will get your fight back and we will support you through this. I spoke to an old friend the other day whose wife had 3C ovarian, has had 6 or 7 recurrences and has managed to live well for over 10 years. I hope that for you, me and everyone else on this planet who suffers from cancer. Hang in there and come back here often!

    Susan

    Thank you

    Thank you very much Susan, I will be visiting here often.  I can't do this one alone this time.

    Sending you warm wishes for a good and happy day.

     

  • zenmama
    zenmama Member Posts: 29
    #5
    poopergirl14052 said:

    Please

    2014-04-08don't give up..you can do this. I know exactly how you feel...believe me. My motto...never give up HOPE..Stay strong...fight like a girl.....Val 

    Thank you

    Thank you Susan.  I am glad to have found this board again.  When I was first diagnosed, I received treatment by a gyn-oncologist, and was greatly buoyed by the presence of other women in the chemo room where we sat around in a circle like a coffee klatsch or a knitting group, and the talk was so uplifting.  The last time, different country, different hospital, the chemo patients were being treated for all kinds of cancer, men and women, lined up along a wall, so no real interaction.

    I hope you have a good day.

  • lovesanimals
    lovesanimals Member Posts: 1,366 Member
    #6
    zenmama said:

    Thank you

    Thank you very much Susan, I will be visiting here often.  I can't do this one alone this time.

    Sending you warm wishes for a good and happy day.

     

    Dear Zenmama

    Please come here often for support and encouragement.  You are not alone.  The women here are wonderful and you can share the good, the bad and the ugly and they understand!

    Warm hugs,

    Kelly

  • kimberly sue 63
    kimberly sue 63 Member Posts: 421 Member
    #7
    zenmama said:

    Thank you

    Thank you very much Susan, I will be visiting here often.  I can't do this one alone this time.

    Sending you warm wishes for a good and happy day.

     

    You are never alone with this

    You are never alone with this board... it is ok to say you are not ready to fight again... one day at a time... start when you are ready.... and know you are not alone Kim

     

  • kikz
    kikz Member Posts: 1,345 Member
    #8
    Feel

    what you need to feel right now.  Our spirits are strong.  I know there are times I start to feel better in spite of myself.  It is ok to feel down and be scared.  We are here for you.  In time, you will be ready to fight again and we will be here for that too.  This board has gotten me through some tough times.  Wishing you all the best.

    Karen

  • Dee5678
    Dee5678 Member Posts: 37
    #9
    kikz said:

    Feel

    what you need to feel right now.  Our spirits are strong.  I know there are times I start to feel better in spite of myself.  It is ok to feel down and be scared.  We are here for you.  In time, you will be ready to fight again and we will be here for that too.  This board has gotten me through some tough times.  Wishing you all the best.

    Karen

    We are here for you And want

    We are here for you And want to help you and uplift you. Let us do that. :). 

  • Cafewoman53
    Cafewoman53 Member Posts: 735 Member
    #10
    Don't give up !

    You can do this, I have been in treatment (chemo) since June of 2010 and I know I am lucky to tolerate the chemo fairly well. there is no way I could do this and also work. Do you know you are eligible for Social Security Disability ? You can get it quickly not like other disabilities.

    This last year I was pretty much on chemos that failed but even though they did not eradicate the cancer they did keep it under control and I do not have any symptoms.

    i just wanted to share with you so you know you are not alone. A reoccurance is not the end this is a lifelong disease like diabetes you have to keep it under control. if you continue to feel like you can't do this maybe a mild anti-depressant would help.Let us know how you are this group is wonderful in supporting one another.

    Colleen

  • poopergirl14052
    poopergirl14052 Member Posts: 1,183 Member
    #11
    Cafewoman53 said:

    Don't give up !

    You can do this, I have been in treatment (chemo) since June of 2010 and I know I am lucky to tolerate the chemo fairly well. there is no way I could do this and also work. Do you know you are eligible for Social Security Disability ? You can get it quickly not like other disabilities.

    This last year I was pretty much on chemos that failed but even though they did not eradicate the cancer they did keep it under control and I do not have any symptoms.

    i just wanted to share with you so you know you are not alone. A reoccurance is not the end this is a lifelong disease like diabetes you have to keep it under control. if you continue to feel like you can't do this maybe a mild anti-depressant would help.Let us know how you are this group is wonderful in supporting one another.

    Colleen

    How are you

    hope everythink is ok..let us know.....:) ,,,Val 

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