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Random Musings

JustAShell
JustAShell CSN Member Posts: 1
in Grief and Bereavement #1

I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer going on 7 years ago.  He died three weeks after diagnosis.  He was my best friend, and the person I was closest to in the world.  Although time does change things- I don't think about his death every day now- the hurt has never wavered and, if possible, is just as strong if not stronger than it was seven years ago.  With every year that has passed since his death, I've noticed I'm less and less of the person I was, and who I am now is almost unrecognizable as my former self.  I've tried talking to friends about it and the outcomes usually go one of two ways: either they seem uncomfortable and change the subject as tactfully as possible or they tell me how it'll eventually get better and I just need to hang in there.  I've tried grief counseling so I could talk to someone about it, and I didn't feel like I benefitted from it.

It sounds silly, but the grief is almost like a form of PTSD.  It has literally changed my life and the way I interact with people.  I used to love to be social and in the spotlight.  Now, I prefer silence and solitude.  Over the last year I've become bitter and angry and I push people away.  I put on a different "hat" to go to work, but once I'm off the clock, the walls go back up and I refuse to let anyone close.  

Has anyone else ever felt this way?

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Comments

  • soul-mate
    soul-mate CSN Member Posts: 82 Member
    #2
    BEREAVEMENT IS A LIFE LONG PROCESS

    I'M SORRY TO SEE YOU'RE HAVING A HARD TIME COPING I FULLY UNDERSTAND YOUR SITUATION AS WE LOST OUR ONLY CHILD JULY 2007. HE WAS A HEALTHY FIT 34 YEAR OLD AND PASSED AWAY SUDDENLY AND UNEXPECTEDLY. THE LOSS IS ENGRAINED FOR LIFE BUT THE SAYING TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS IS TRUE IN A SENSE BUT SOME WOUNDS ARE BIGGER THAN OTHERS. AFTER ALL THESE YEARS WE STILL HAVE MOMENTS THAT BRINGS THE LOSS AS IF IT JUST HAPPENED YESTERDAY, SO DO NOT DESPAIR AS MANY PEOPLE ARE DEALING WITH A LOSS IN SILENCE AND I FEEL COMING TO THIS WONDERFULL SITE YOU ARE TRYING A NEW AVENUE TO DEAL WITH YOUR GRIEF AND I THINK YOU WILL BE AMAZED AT HAVING AN OUTLET FOR ALL YOUR THOUGHTS. FEEL FREE TO USE CSN EMAIL TO CONTACT ME . IF YOU NEED SOMEBODY TO LISTEN AND BE THERE. STAY STRONG AND BYE FOR NOW.

    SOUL-MATE

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