one year clear....but...

Cjeepgirl Member Posts: 6

I had the rare side effect of spontaneously falling and am happy to say I am a month without my walker or cane.

I was a very strong person before all of this, but I find I am still becoming overwhelmed, and have panic attacks. All the mail, all the emails, all the bills, all the insurance issues and now compounded by radical changes at work.  I get so overwhelmed I just feel I can't even look at my mail most of the time.

And I have bleeding with some of my bowel movements, the doctor said its the scar tissue that keeps splitting and this scares me. 

I hate being afraid, but am so thankful to be alive and to have had the type that is curable.

Does anyone else feel overwhelmed?  



  • lp1964
    lp1964 Member Posts: 1,239 Member
    Dear Friend,

    I'm a 49 year old male with rectal cancer and went through a similar treatment as you. I a many others have the same issues like you. I have anxiety before I open my email, mail box or when the phone rings, because I know it is mostly bad news. Any aches and pains scare me and I can't ado half of what I used to. These are given, but we still have hundreds of things in our lives we should be thankful for and that is what we should concentrate on.

    Talking about it helps.


  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member

    I think feelings of fear and being overwhelmed are some of the hardest things to deal with after having had cancer.  You are not alone, by any means, as I think most of this experience this in one form or another and to certain degrees.  I have found that it really helps to talk to others and just know that I am not the only one who has felt this way.  I am almost 5 1/2 years out of treatment now and I still deal with raw emotions sometimes, but it is much better as time goes on.  I have become quite a homebody since all of this.  I still like to go out with my husband and hang out with friends, but during the day when he is at work, I stay at home most of the time.  It's like somedays I just don't know what to do with myself.  I just want you to know that cancer is just not a physical disease but an emotional one too, and it is very hard for people who have not been through this to understand.  Be good to yourself and do something to bring calm and peace into your life, such as meditation or music therapy.  I wish you all the best.

  • Marynb
    Marynb Member Posts: 1,118
    I understand your feelings. I battled cancer alone twice in thhe past 3 years. I was out of work for a period of time, then changed careers because I could not put in the hours that I used to. Fear is something that I fight, but sometimes it hits me right before I fall asleep because since my surgery, I fear not waking up. My faith helps me get through most days. I find that focusing on others has helped me to forget that my time on this earth may be limited. What really matters to me is that the time that I do have here is meaningful and helpful to others. I don't have time to worry about myself when there are so many people out there that need my help. So, I keep very busy! We all have to make our lives count. We don't have forever, but we have today!
  • eihtak
    eihtak Member Posts: 1,473 Member

    Good for you on your new found sea legs.....I will pray they hold out for a long time!

    There is so much more to cancer recovery than treating the tumor or bad cells! Other people are often happy that we have survived and they don't, and really can't understand the emotional toll this disease has taken unless they have been there themselves. They don't see the scars, burnt skin, missing or readjusted parts, they aren't dealing with our financial and daily obligations, they are just happy for us and the world  kind of expects us to just go on as, eventually we do, and you will to, and in time you will probably feel something completely different than fear. You will feel strength, I really hope you do at least.

    Is there anyone you can talk to about getting some financial/ins. advice? I always handled those matters myself, but finally gave in and talked with a financial advisor (sort of) who was able to look at my situation a bit more optimistic than I, and although I didn't do much of what he suggested, in the moment it actually helped to have some advice.

    Take some comfort in knowing you are surely not alone in feeling overwhelmed, your life plan doubtedly included this, as the rest of us! Good nutrition, exercise, fresh air, sleep, they all do wonders, but the lingering effects from what we've been through and the reality of life gets to us all, hang in there!