New to board: Coping with Dad's diagnosis

rachel_24

Hi All, 

I have spent the last few hours reading through everything I could on this site. What a great supportive group you are. 

My dad was diagnosed with SCC on Labor Day of this past summer. He had a large tumor on the right side of his neck we were told from a lymph node. He did not have the cancer anywhere else and it was determined that he had an unknown primary. They did a neck dissection and removed 41 lymph nodes with only 1 being cancerous. They told him that they would do 30 radiation treatments to his mouth, throat and neck because of the unknown primary but they believed it was gone. (He completed radiation on Dec. 20, 2013) 

My parents are my world. I still live at home with them and am a junior at nursing school near my home. They are really my best friends. Seeing my dad go through this makes me actually feel pain in my heart. He is young and vibrant, yet treatment and this diagnosis weigh so heavy on him. He lost 60 pounds during radiation and hasn't put any of it back on. He seems so thin and weak. It breaks my heart. 

This past week he developed a productive cough and was coughing constantly. Naturally we all became very fearful hoping it didn't mean the cancer was back. After a night in the emergency room we were told bronchitis, but I still worry. He has a PET scan scheduled for March 6th which is 12 weeks after radiation has ended. I am so nervous. Some nights I just lay in bed wanting today to be March 6th so we can know and other times wanting March 6th to never come. 

The other day we were watching TV and a girl was talking about how she was sad her dad wouldn't be there to see her get married. He looked at me and said I won't leave ya, Rachey. I'll walk you down the aisle. I want him to see me finish nursing school, get married and hold my babies one day. My only other sibling, my brother, is getting married on March 29th. The unknowns of cancer are breaking me apart. I feel waves of sadness and numbness when I think about what could happen. 

How do I deal with this? How can I help him? How do I deal with PET scan anxiety? 

Even if no one responds it feels good to put this out there. Thanks for reading.  

 

phrannie51

You've found the perfect place

to laetyour fears and anxiety out.  And...there's not a chance in the world your post would ever go unanswered. 

Your dad has been through a lot, and he's come out on the other side....you truly can start to relax now....from here on out, things are just going to get better.....gradually....very gradually.  His appetite will start coming back as will his taste buds, and hopefully some spit....a year from now, this will all be in his rear view mirror.

We all get scanxiety.....some to a higher degree (ME!! )....some to lesser degrees, but nobody gets away with no anxiety at scan time...the best advice I got when I first came here was "don't borrow tomorrow's troubles"....Chances are he's going to be just fine....look at all the people here who have gone through treatment and are here to talk about it.  The odds are in his favor! 

Love him....if he hasn't been out and about, take him for a ride in the car....encourage him to walk up and down the block....simple things to gain back strength.  Nobody here bounced back in 2 1/2 months.....more like 8 to 12 months.....it's going to happen, you just have to wait.

p 

CivilMatt

clean scans ahead

Rachel,

Welcome to the H&N forum.

Remember we are in the cold and flu season and a bout with bronchitis is understandable seeing your Father may have a weakened immune system.

Your Dad is fresh out of treatments and none of us looked too great for a while ( I lost 45 lbs).

More than likely your Dad is having a rough go of it, but he sounds normal, at this time.  Keep a good eye on him and keep his team apprised of all his conditions

You got to have faith in  the treatments he received.  Try to relax, get some fresh air, take a walk.  Talk to your Dad, I always liked talking to those which cared.

Best,

Matt

wmc

Welcome Rachel

Welcome to H&N, and sorry you have to be here as well.

Some times it seems harder on your loved ones than the one that has the cancer. I know that just being able to say [or write] how you are worried and felling does help. My son who is 28 thought I might not make it through this. He was verry worried and felt like he had to be there for me, and he was. I knew all along I would be OK and come through this. Yes is was hard at times, but deep down I knew I would beat this and I did. I never had radation but most of the others did and can help you understand it as well as what he will be going through. It is a bumppy road to go down, but gets smother as time goes on. Beleave in him, and yourself as well, and you both will get through this. Keep your sprits up and the attitude he will win. I had 86 glands removed as well as my larynx, Stage 3 SCC cancer and stage 3 emphysema with chronic bronchitius, now I breath through my neck and am fine.

Your anxiety is understood as is wanting March 6th never to come, and wanting it to be over at the same time. It's the unknown that is the hardest to deal with. You need to live in the today, not what might be or might not be. Will have both you and your Father in my prayers. Please take care and keep posting as well.

Bill     

Duggie88

Hi Rachel

Glad you found this great site filled with wonderful supportive individuals. I never seen anyone's thoughts and concerns go unanswered.

Trust me, Dad is tuned in to your concerns and realizes the life changing experience he is going through. March 6th will be here before you know it and since the outcome can not be controled by Dad or yourself the one thing you can control is a positive upbeat attitude. Again, trust me, he builds his positive attitude off those around him. Like others have said, he sounds in the norm for what he went through. Your Dad is lucky to have you for a daughter and something tells me you, Dad, and the whole family will have something to celebrate after March 6th.

Hang in there....................enjoy the day

      Jeff

debbiejeanne

rachel, i'm sorry your dad is

rachel, i'm sorry your dad is going thru but very glad tx is over!  bronchitis makes sense because he is so recently out of tx.  tx tends to make our bodys weak and suseptable to everything, unfortunately.  try not to think of all the what if's.  he will probably be fine in a week or so.  i agree with wmc, i think this whole deal is worse on the loved ones than it is the patient.  do your best to stay upbeat for your dad as a positive attitude is very important.  march will be here before you know and i'm sure you'll be doing a happy dance around the kitchen.  heck, we'll do one too!!  keep us posted as we'll be waiting to hear the results of the pet.  saying prayers for all of you.

God bless you,

dj