looking for other caregivers-husband w/colon cancer

devotion10

Nana b said:

She may be reading them.  

She may be reading them.   It's tough when you are maxing out and not sure how to move forward.   We all have different limitations and capabilities in different areas. 

 

I am glad you pointed this out ...

I guess I was under the wrong impression that her About Me page said she hadn't been back to the site since the day after her first post ... but, you are right ... I guess that means she just has not signed in but could still be reading messages right?

As a former caregiver ...  I sure do understand what you mean about 'maxing out and not knowing how to move forward'

Peace. ~ Cynthia

refusetolose

27 years old with stage IV

I have been with my boyfriend, Mike, for five years now. Back in September we both started brand new jobs and were finally getting financially settled to make future plans. The same week that I  started my brand new job and the week before Mike started his, he was diagnosed with stage IV rectal cancer. He was diagnosed with an 18 cm tumor, multiple lymph nodes affected, cancer spots on the pelvic bone, and three cancer lesions on his liver. After his second treatment he was hospitalized with a staphorious infection for 8 days. It has been 19 weeks, 9 treatments, and 2 scans. I am exhausted all the time. Like you, I do all the shopping, do all the chores, and work. I may not do everything with a smile on my face every day, but I do it because I love him. I do it because I am the one the he leans on. Yes, it is hard at times and I cannot imagine having kids to going through this with. Mike and I were finally getting ready to move to that part of our life, but it feels like everything has been put on hold. We make plans 8 weeks and 4 treatments at a time. We have been very luckily in the support we have gotten from our family and friends. Mike's scans continue to improve and we will be meeting with a surgeon next week. I hope that you continue to stay optimistic. For me, him losing this battle is not an option. It gets very frustrating and emotionally exhausting, but I look to our future as my hope. Mike has already beaten cancer once at age 3, and he has to beat this again. I stay strong for Mike, but when I am by myself it is so hard. I try and stay away from the stats and take it one day at a time. It is not fair that he is this young and having to battle again. I struggle mostly with my faith. I was raised Catholic and have had a hard time talking with God throughout this time.  I know that it may not help, but you are not alone in this.

teamzach

27 and a caregiver

Hi there!

Your post caught my eye as I was in a similar boat. My huband was diagnosed in Sept 2012 (age 30/ I was 26) with stave IV CRC. I was working full time (as was he) and I was also going to school full time. I knew with the diagnosis I couldn't continue with school as I knew I couldn't succeed at dr.s appts as well as work AND school. We were only 8 months married with no kids and so in that aspect we are different - This is probably your biggest challenge at the moment!

Both Zach and I were very optomistic that he would beat this stupid disease and earlier this month lost his battle. Unfortunately, your husband may need more help as time goes by. It is good to have friends or family nearby if that time comes.

I found the same problem with most of the websites and forums that I have visited. We were pretty much the youngest couple.

My advice to you:

-If people say "how can I help?" Take them up on it!

-Ask for help if no one has offered

- Stay positive! I know, it is hard!

-Seek counseling for yourself and kids based on their ages

- GO ON VACATION!!! (We went to disneyland in August - Somone will surely help you fund of one of those websites)

I hope this helps. Feel free to private message me if you want to talk further or have any other queations.

Blessings and good luck to you and your husband!!

Janelle

teamzach

Chelsea71 said:

Hi Tina.  I was just thinking

Hi Tina.  I was just thinking the other day about how I miss those messes.  What I wouldn't give to have him back, messes and all.

Chelsea

agreed about the messes...

I completely agree about the messes and middle of the night bed changes. That is when my husband and I had our most real conversations and closest times spent with eachother. Also, Tina is right about how much life changes. It is hard to go from our busy, fun, crazy lives to being shattered by the "C" word. You will learn a lot on this journey, just never give up and put your family first....<3

teamzach

mdm2 said:

Hi... My wife and I are

Hi... My wife and I are rowing in the boat right next to you. I'm 32 just diagnosed on dec 1st. What is helping the most is our support system. Lots of caring folks have come out of the woodwork to help and it's hard to learn to ask them to do something but once you do a burden is lifted off of you. Take care and god bless. 

best of luck mdm2!

Best of luck in your journey! Keep us posted!!!

Janelle

Sephyrob

BusterBrown said:

I was dx'd w/ stage iv when I

I was dx'd w/ stage iv when I was 42 years old. I'm going to be 52 this month. At the time of diagnosis my son was  2 years old.  I've experienced a lot of what you are going through, just on a smaller scale. There are plenty here who can relate to what you are going through. 

Buster...

Great hope--thank you!

Your stry gives me hope.  My hisband was just dx at 46, just 3 months ago.  It is amazin gthat you are 10 yrs strong!!! This gives us hope! 

Thank you! 

bakerwoman

Hang in, sweetie. "It is what it is" just about says it all

Hey, StarBuxGirl -- I understand exhaustion, although I'm not raising children anymore. My husband has colorectal cancer (diagnosed and tumor partially removed six months ago). He has been given one-two years, but so far has had no cancer symptoms. He's just stuggling mightily to recover from the abdominal surgery, the four months of chemo, and deciding whether or not to accept further palliative treatments.

I'm afraid I agree with the other contributors to your posting. Perhaps grad school can be postponed for awhile. Your young children, obviously, cannot wait, nor can your huband.

Please, Please, Please allow your friends and family to assist with meals, shopping, car-pooling, and anything else that will take some of the pressure off of you. You're doing enough. You can't fix this, and you can't make the cancer go away by simply working harder, longer, or faster.

Even if you aren't able to respond to our posts, we at least hope that you can take some comfort in knowing you're not alone. I'm so sorry this has happened to your family.