Try to cope with the loss

soul-mate

Griffon said:

Trying to cope with this terrible life

It's now almost 8 months since my beautiful wife has died. I cannot believe it has been that long since I have seen her. Time has not healed that terrible pain I feel that makes me cry and scream out her name. Knowing that I am going to have to be alone for the rest of my life without her is a future I do not want. Facing everyday life with the problems that come with it has become very difficult. Life  keeps moving, but has left me behind. I do not want to move on, I do not want to ever forget. I sometimes realize when I am walking in a store that people see me and I have a very angry look on my face. It's only because I am very unhappy, I cannot put on a happy face and tell people I am ok. They might not understand, but my life sucks. I hope you are all doing better then me.    Bill

Race Car Driver ???

I'm so sorry to see you're struggling to move on I wish you better times ahead . Read my reply to random musings and feel free to use csn mail to me if you need a friend with ears. You probably wonder about subject title,a race car driver focuses on what's ahead and not what's behind. After the loss of our son we struggled and still have moments after 6.5years so don't feel that your feelings will go away anytime soon. We found golfing was a great place for therapy in dealing with the grief. You focus on the game, meet people and gets you out. It helped us immensely to move ahead. Now my wife is dealing with advanced cancer and focusing on best quality of life is of the utmost importance at this time. I'm fortunate to be retired to care for her 24/7at home and making the most of every day. This site is a great place to use as you have friends galore that listen and care.Bye for now and take care.

 

SOUL-MATE

wolfen

soul-mate said:

Race Car Driver ???

I'm so sorry to see you're struggling to move on I wish you better times ahead . Read my reply to random musings and feel free to use csn mail to me if you need a friend with ears. You probably wonder about subject title,a race car driver focuses on what's ahead and not what's behind. After the loss of our son we struggled and still have moments after 6.5years so don't feel that your feelings will go away anytime soon. We found golfing was a great place for therapy in dealing with the grief. You focus on the game, meet people and gets you out. It helped us immensely to move ahead. Now my wife is dealing with advanced cancer and focusing on best quality of life is of the utmost importance at this time. I'm fortunate to be retired to care for her 24/7at home and making the most of every day. This site is a great place to use as you have friends galore that listen and care.Bye for now and take care.

 

SOUL-MATE

Bill

There are times when each day flies by, & others that seem endless. That is the "nature of the beast" of grief, I suppose. For me, my time clock is turned upside down. I no longer sleep at night, only during the day & for short periods. I have tried meds, but to no avail. I spend a great deal of time in this stupid fog that surrounds me. Fortunately, the only person I am harming is me, as no one else depends on me. I am a loner & very seldom leave the house. So different than traveling around, eating out, enjoying life. I am merely existing until the day I can see the light at the end of this tunnel.

Be well, my friend.

Wolfen

Griffon

Wolfen

I read unique and devestating loss again that you had posted earlier. I understand it more now then I did months ago. How true it is in all the emotions and feelings that you have to deal with. I find myself struggling with life right now, it might be with spring coming since we were both avid gardeners. My wife never liked cut flowers, so when ever flowers were the gift to give, I would buy her a plant.Now some of those plants are coming back and that makes me sad. How I wish she would come back. Thank you for your posts, it's helps to read and understand what you are going through which helps me to survive this difficult life we both have now.  Take care of yourself, your friend Bill

sharpy102

Griffon said:

Wolfen

I read unique and devestating loss again that you had posted earlier. I understand it more now then I did months ago. How true it is in all the emotions and feelings that you have to deal with. I find myself struggling with life right now, it might be with spring coming since we were both avid gardeners. My wife never liked cut flowers, so when ever flowers were the gift to give, I would buy her a plant.Now some of those plants are coming back and that makes me sad. How I wish she would come back. Thank you for your posts, it's helps to read and understand what you are going through which helps me to survive this difficult life we both have now.  Take care of yourself, your friend Bill

Spring problem

Hey Wolfen, Griffon and all of you:

I think Spring is hard on everyone....because when Spring comes the plants are "waking up" and are becoming more alive. The birds start to show up and chirping, the days are light for longer period of time, and it is nice and sunny. Or at least with me, Spring reminds me life. And of course I am thinking how many wonderful things my loved one misses having died so soon. But I also am aware that if I want my loved one to be happy, I have to live accordingly. And that what motivates me to move on, and try to find the good in everything, and try enjoy everything small good things that comes along. That is what I am focusing...that is my car race...

Griffon

I am lost and refuse to move on

hello everyone, I hope you are all well. It has been over a year since I lost my wife.I have been living in a life like she is still here, I have pictures of her her everywhere and sit and talk to her everyday. I call her name everyday when I come home from work, people tell me that it is time to move on, but I say move on to what? A lonely terrible life, that is what I have now. I just returned from visiting my wife's mom. i was really worried about going because I was afraid to leave the house for a few days.That never bothered me before but since my wife's death the house and our dogs is all I have left and the thought of something happening to them when I was gone would push me over the edge. My wife's mom and I had a good talk so we could both express our feelings and cry. She also wanted me to give my wife's clothes away and begin to move on. I told her that I can not do that, my wife has beautiful things and was a fashionista and looking at those wonderful clothes and remembering her wearing them and how beautiful she looked in them brings me joy.She also told me you cannot build a shrine to her, well her home is a shrine to her and her gardens are a shrine to her and I am just the caretaker trying to keep her dream alive.i know this might not be a healthy thing to do but my life ended when her life ended and now I am just waiting to see her again when my time is up.      Take care of yourselfs.    Bill

Momof2plusteentwins

Bill

I have read your story and just sit here crying.  I am the one with cancer, stage IV colorectal cancer.  My husband is like you.  He is just wonderful to me.  He even bought me a convertible just because I thought it was cute.  He would do anything for me.  I am more afraid of him being alone than dying.  I know you are lonely and missing her.  I hope my husband finds some happiness when I am gone.  I am afraid he will always be unhappy, I don't want that.  Please try to think of the good times and know that she knew how much you loved her.  She would want you to find happiness - with friends, the dogs, the house.  I will be thinking about you healing, take care.

Sandy

grandmafay

Griffon said:

I am lost and refuse to move on

hello everyone, I hope you are all well. It has been over a year since I lost my wife.I have been living in a life like she is still here, I have pictures of her her everywhere and sit and talk to her everyday. I call her name everyday when I come home from work, people tell me that it is time to move on, but I say move on to what? A lonely terrible life, that is what I have now. I just returned from visiting my wife's mom. i was really worried about going because I was afraid to leave the house for a few days.That never bothered me before but since my wife's death the house and our dogs is all I have left and the thought of something happening to them when I was gone would push me over the edge. My wife's mom and I had a good talk so we could both express our feelings and cry. She also wanted me to give my wife's clothes away and begin to move on. I told her that I can not do that, my wife has beautiful things and was a fashionista and looking at those wonderful clothes and remembering her wearing them and how beautiful she looked in them brings me joy.She also told me you cannot build a shrine to her, well her home is a shrine to her and her gardens are a shrine to her and I am just the caretaker trying to keep her dream alive.i know this might not be a healthy thing to do but my life ended when her life ended and now I am just waiting to see her again when my time is up.      Take care of yourselfs.    Bill

Time

One of the best things I was told after my husband died was to give myself at least three years to grieve. I am coming up on 5 years since my husband died. I still miss him. I think I always will, but I am learning to be the strong, independent woman I told him I was. Yes, I still talk to him at times. I still have the occasional bad day. I don't think anyone should tell us how or how long to grieve. Time has helped me. My grief has mellowed. I still find I have to protect myself from isolation. I was blessed with 42 years of marriage. I cherish that time and the many memories I have. Now my aim is to make memories with friends and family. hopefully they will remember me with as much love as I remember him. 

Griffon

To Sandy

Dear Sandy, As I read your post tears came to my eyes, knowing that you have this terrible illness. I am so sorry, but never stop fighting and never give up. From the photo I saw it looks like you have a wonderful family to be there for you. When my wife was very ill I was amazed how her true friends came to be with her when she needed them the most. Even though It  was very difficult for them, I could see it in their eyes.When the chips are down only your true friends are there. I hope only the best for you, to beat this damn thing and live a long and beautiful life. I am your true friend if you need anything, want to vent,or talk or if your family needs something just let me know. Tare care of yourself.  Bill

sharpy102

Griffon said:

To Sandy

Dear Sandy, As I read your post tears came to my eyes, knowing that you have this terrible illness. I am so sorry, but never stop fighting and never give up. From the photo I saw it looks like you have a wonderful family to be there for you. When my wife was very ill I was amazed how her true friends came to be with her when she needed them the most. Even though It  was very difficult for them, I could see it in their eyes.When the chips are down only your true friends are there. I hope only the best for you, to beat this damn thing and live a long and beautiful life. I am your true friend if you need anything, want to vent,or talk or if your family needs something just let me know. Tare care of yourself.  Bill

Hey Bill, hey Doug!
 
Yes,

Hey Bill, hey Doug!

 

Yes, Thanksgiving is around the corner and believe it or not, I thought of you both. I thought of you because we started this thread a littler before Thanksgiving...and I found myself, again, as every year, asking myself "What am I thankful for? There's nothing to be thankful for!" But then I felt bad. Beacuse even though we lost people we loved (for you guys your spouses, for me my family, for others their kids grown up, or otherwise) but we should be still thankful: we had a time with them! And even if it was a short period of time, or a long one, we should feel very fortunate! I wish both of you strength finding this thankfulness, and do something that you both know your wives would smile at! You will feel her smile and will find yourself smiling back at her. And she will be very happy because just as you never forgetting her, she will also never forget you guys. That's what I tend to feed myself with regarding my famiy. They loved me and always will and will never forget me. And I loved them and always will and will never forget them! Please take care of yourselves!!!!

Griffon

So tired of living this life alone

As its over one year and a half since my wife has died, I find it almost unbearable to keep going on.I sit here alone every night just like tonight looking at her pictures telling her how much I love her.I know this is the way it's going to be for the rest of my life. Not a very pretty picture for the future. My dogs are what keeps me going on and I know how much they need me. But really I am at my whits end, every weekend is terrible any vacation is terrible. Life without her is terrible. I am not looking for anyone else, I just do not know if I can continue with this life as it is now. The loneliness is unbearable, living in our life as it was before in her home without her  is a pain that is hurting me to the core. I wish I would of died instead of her, Why I am left here to live this life, she was a wonderful person she did not deserve this. Someone please give me a reason to want to live like this.

grandmafay

Griffon said:

So tired of living this life alone

As its over one year and a half since my wife has died, I find it almost unbearable to keep going on.I sit here alone every night just like tonight looking at her pictures telling her how much I love her.I know this is the way it's going to be for the rest of my life. Not a very pretty picture for the future. My dogs are what keeps me going on and I know how much they need me. But really I am at my whits end, every weekend is terrible any vacation is terrible. Life without her is terrible. I am not looking for anyone else, I just do not know if I can continue with this life as it is now. The loneliness is unbearable, living in our life as it was before in her home without her  is a pain that is hurting me to the core. I wish I would of died instead of her, Why I am left here to live this life, she was a wonderful person she did not deserve this. Someone please give me a reason to want to live like this.

Life

i am so sorry you are still feeling this way. One widow friend of mine told me that it takes at least 3 years before you begin to feel better. For some, I'm sure it's longer. After five years, I am learning to live by myself. It doesn't hurt any less but it has mellowed. There are still things I don't do. I have wonderful friends who invite me to evening things that are mainly couples. I usually say no. I still don't like going out in the evening and coming home to an empty house. Thanksgiving was particularly hard this year because I was ill and not able to make it to our family dinner. Someone did bring me a meal, though. Whereas those family gatherings remind me of my husband and that he isn't there, I still miss being with the grandchildren. A couple of them are now in collage so I don't see them often. I'm sure that my faith has helped me. I figure I'm still here because God isn't through with me yet. I think we all wish at times that we were the ones who had died. I said something like that to my husband about his impending death. He told me that that was pretty selfish. I know it would have been very hard for him. Women talk and share their feelings. They gain strength from one another. Since I belong to a church with many wonderful widows, I am blessed to have people who get it that I can talk to. I also have a number of younger friends who look after me and a couple of guys I can call on for emergency things around the house. If they can't fix it, they know who can. There is no way I could live here without that kind of support. I do mainly family vacations these days. That helps, too. I hope you are able to find some peace as time goes by. I know that men usually communicate to solve problems. The whole men are from Mars and women are fron Venus thing. This isn't a problem that can be solved. my husband used to tell people who asked how he kept a great outlook even while dying that he woke up each morning knowing that he had a choice. It could be a good day or a bad one. He usually chose to have a good day. Take care of yourself. I know the holidays are extra hard. Fay

Griffon

Being Alone

Thank you for your post Fay, I hope you are feeling better. Just as yourself I have been invited to go out with couples and I just cannot do that. They do not really understand how that makes me feel and miss my wife more. I am glad that you have friends that will help you when you need them. They sad thing for me is I do not have that support and help. My wife was my best friend and we did everything together, we were a team and good one. The worst part for me is right now, I am sitting in room with pictures of my wife, talking to her about what I did today, how the dogs are, what I plan for tomorrow. I know my job is to take care of our family, and I will, as she would want me to. But being alone is the worst, no one to talk to,no one to confide in, just sitting here with your mind racing About what you could of done different to help your wife. Thank you for all your support I appreciate it.  Take care of yourself.    Bill

Hondo

Griffon said:

Being Alone

Thank you for your post Fay, I hope you are feeling better. Just as yourself I have been invited to go out with couples and I just cannot do that. They do not really understand how that makes me feel and miss my wife more. I am glad that you have friends that will help you when you need them. They sad thing for me is I do not have that support and help. My wife was my best friend and we did everything together, we were a team and good one. The worst part for me is right now, I am sitting in room with pictures of my wife, talking to her about what I did today, how the dogs are, what I plan for tomorrow. I know my job is to take care of our family, and I will, as she would want me to. But being alone is the worst, no one to talk to,no one to confide in, just sitting here with your mind racing About what you could of done different to help your wife. Thank you for all your support I appreciate it.  Take care of yourself.    Bill

best friend

I am sorry to hear that she is gone; life for me would very hard without my wife and best friend who is also my caretaker. We been married for a little over 40 years and she lives with the dread that I can go anytime and she will be alone. But we have a faith that no matter what happens here on this world we will one day be together again. It helps to have faith in God; I am not able to talk anymore because I lost my voice but if you like e-mail me, I can talk that way, just click on my name.

 

Tim Hondo

Griffon

Hondo said:

best friend

I am sorry to hear that she is gone; life for me would very hard without my wife and best friend who is also my caretaker. We been married for a little over 40 years and she lives with the dread that I can go anytime and she will be alone. But we have a faith that no matter what happens here on this world we will one day be together again. It helps to have faith in God; I am not able to talk anymore because I lost my voice but if you like e-mail me, I can talk that way, just click on my name.

 

Tim Hondo

A dream

I never really dreamed about my wife until early this morning. This dream has hit me so hard that I sit here with tears running down my face wishing it never ended. It was a dream so there were some strange things in it. It was not about our home here but at our home in New York.  I was running down our street with our dogs running behind me and when I reached our home standing at the front gate I saw Montrue standing in the front yard. As I entered the gate with the dogs, it was the feeling of being home and being safe that is overwhelming me. I never felt that feeling of love and safety since she has been gone. As soon as I walked though that gate and was standing next to her the feeling that, I do not know, maybe a lot of pain, despair, sorrow all left me at once like whoosh and I felt complety safe and sound back with my wife. The hard part is back to this reality, back to the pain, the sorrow back to being alone and wondering why did this have to happen. Maybe that was a glimpse that when I die I will be running to her and maybe I will be able to go through that gate and stay there. I could only hope that to be true to see her again and have that feeling of being home.  Bill

grandmafay

Griffon said:

A dream

I never really dreamed about my wife until early this morning. This dream has hit me so hard that I sit here with tears running down my face wishing it never ended. It was a dream so there were some strange things in it. It was not about our home here but at our home in New York.  I was running down our street with our dogs running behind me and when I reached our home standing at the front gate I saw Montrue standing in the front yard. As I entered the gate with the dogs, it was the feeling of being home and being safe that is overwhelming me. I never felt that feeling of love and safety since she has been gone. As soon as I walked though that gate and was standing next to her the feeling that, I do not know, maybe a lot of pain, despair, sorrow all left me at once like whoosh and I felt complety safe and sound back with my wife. The hard part is back to this reality, back to the pain, the sorrow back to being alone and wondering why did this have to happen. Maybe that was a glimpse that when I die I will be running to her and maybe I will be able to go through that gate and stay there. I could only hope that to be true to see her again and have that feeling of being home.  Bill

I am sorry

i am sorry you continue to have such a hard time. have you considered seeing a counselor or attending a grief group? Grief can really hurt. i have continued going to our cancer support group and also have good support from my church. Since isolation is the biggest problem for many who have been widowed, I make a habit of eating lunch out each day. I live in a small community which makes it nice, too. At this time, I find that getting out is good for me. i hope you are able to find some peace Soon. Our furry friends do help us. I don't know what I would have done without my lab. He even let me cry on his shoulder. I have added a rescue dog to my family now.  Plus i have an older cat who thinks he is in charge of all of us. Take care, Fay

Griffon

grandmafay said:

I am sorry

i am sorry you continue to have such a hard time. have you considered seeing a counselor or attending a grief group? Grief can really hurt. i have continued going to our cancer support group and also have good support from my church. Since isolation is the biggest problem for many who have been widowed, I make a habit of eating lunch out each day. I live in a small community which makes it nice, too. At this time, I find that getting out is good for me. i hope you are able to find some peace Soon. Our furry friends do help us. I don't know what I would have done without my lab. He even let me cry on his shoulder. I have added a rescue dog to my family now.  Plus i have an older cat who thinks he is in charge of all of us. Take care, Fay

Coming up on two year anniversary

Dear everyone, it's now coming up on two years since since my wife died. I still sit here with my my dogs looking out the window wondering what is life about now. No real friends just me trying to cope with what is left in this life without her. I find myself retreating even more to being left alone. We used to sit on the front pouch and have cocktails and have friends stop by. Now I was sitting out there alone with candles lit for her. I noticed people coming by looking over giving me look which has made me uncomfortabl. So now I do not sit out front anymore, I have now moved to sit on the back pouch where I can be left alone. I have never felt so alone in my life. Just yesterday I cut my arm on some broken glass, I was so lost because she was not there to tell me to go to the Dr and get stitches. I was in the house looking for her to tell me what to do. I finally went to our vet and asked her if I need stitches and she said yes and told me were to go.That just showed me how much I depended on my wife to take care of me and how. lost I am without her.       Take care of yourself, Bill

wolfen

Griffon said:

Coming up on two year anniversary

Dear everyone, it's now coming up on two years since since my wife died. I still sit here with my my dogs looking out the window wondering what is life about now. No real friends just me trying to cope with what is left in this life without her. I find myself retreating even more to being left alone. We used to sit on the front pouch and have cocktails and have friends stop by. Now I was sitting out there alone with candles lit for her. I noticed people coming by looking over giving me look which has made me uncomfortabl. So now I do not sit out front anymore, I have now moved to sit on the back pouch where I can be left alone. I have never felt so alone in my life. Just yesterday I cut my arm on some broken glass, I was so lost because she was not there to tell me to go to the Dr and get stitches. I was in the house looking for her to tell me what to do. I finally went to our vet and asked her if I need stitches and she said yes and told me were to go.That just showed me how much I depended on my wife to take care of me and how. lost I am without her.       Take care of yourself, Bill

Wish I Could Help

Bill,

Just wanted to reach out and let you know we are still here. I still think of Ron each day, talk to him, and confer about decisions that must be made. It is a throwback to the fact that we rarely acted alone, only together. He does not answer of course, but still it makes me feel better. I still grieve his loss, but rarely with tears now. Can't remember if I mentioned this before(old age does that), but I grieve a double loss. My daughter was Johnnybegood on the Colon forum. She lost her battle last year in July. As much as I loved my husband, the loss of my child is incomparable.

To keep myself sane, I do not dwell on the fact that they are gone. Denying reality, I know, but I choose to think they are nearby. If I think too hard, I will drown in tears.

I'm sorry you are so lonely. Don't know your age, but have you thought of joining some singles social groups. Not for dating, but just to be around others who may be in your shoes and your age bracket. I am older and belong to a widows' group and a solo seniors group. They are for friendship, dinner, bowling, outdoor activities. It gives you a little something to look forward to. For sure, a lot of these things will bring back memories. The first one I attended(country/western bar & dining) featured a band that played at a club Ron and I went to on our first date. How ironic is that? They were still good, but I did have to excuse myself and go have a good cry during one of the songs. Was very strange to be in that environment without him, but I am slowly moving forward.

I have no close friends, but my youngest grandson lives with me. Of course, he is 50 years younger so we don't have a lot in common and don't spend much time around each other. I also adopted a beautiful 3 yr old Shepherd/Husky who keeps me on my toes.

Sorry this was so long, but I just want you to know that it will get better. This pace of grief is different for each of us.

Take Care,

Wolfen

 

Griffon

wolfen said:

Wish I Could Help

Bill,

Just wanted to reach out and let you know we are still here. I still think of Ron each day, talk to him, and confer about decisions that must be made. It is a throwback to the fact that we rarely acted alone, only together. He does not answer of course, but still it makes me feel better. I still grieve his loss, but rarely with tears now. Can't remember if I mentioned this before(old age does that), but I grieve a double loss. My daughter was Johnnybegood on the Colon forum. She lost her battle last year in July. As much as I loved my husband, the loss of my child is incomparable.

To keep myself sane, I do not dwell on the fact that they are gone. Denying reality, I know, but I choose to think they are nearby. If I think too hard, I will drown in tears.

I'm sorry you are so lonely. Don't know your age, but have you thought of joining some singles social groups. Not for dating, but just to be around others who may be in your shoes and your age bracket. I am older and belong to a widows' group and a solo seniors group. They are for friendship, dinner, bowling, outdoor activities. It gives you a little something to look forward to. For sure, a lot of these things will bring back memories. The first one I attended(country/western bar & dining) featured a band that played at a club Ron and I went to on our first date. How ironic is that? They were still good, but I did have to excuse myself and go have a good cry during one of the songs. Was very strange to be in that environment without him, but I am slowly moving forward.

I have no close friends, but my youngest grandson lives with me. Of course, he is 50 years younger so we don't have a lot in common and don't spend much time around each other. I also adopted a beautiful 3 yr old Shepherd/Husky who keeps me on my toes.

Sorry this was so long, but I just want you to know that it will get better. This pace of grief is different for each of us.

Take Care,

Wolfen

 

You have helped me

Dear Wolfen, Thank you so much for your reply. I am so sorry about your daughter, My god how much can one person take. I cannot even imagine the pain that you have endure. Now I know when my pain is bad, there are people like yourself who have gone thru so much more pain.I have been sitting here trying to think about what to do on this fri since it's the anniversary of her death. I wanted to do something for the inner core of her friends that went above and beyond for her during her illness. Then I realized that they have all  moved on with there lives and its me who is still here in the same time talking to her everyday and looking at her pictures and telling her about everything that is going on. I am 61 years old and just retired from my job where I worked for 20 years. It was just not working out with being away all day for the dogs with my wife gone. I do have a part time job which helps pay for healthcare, then I can be there to take better care of the dogs. I know she would be saying what are you doing? We own our house so I do not have a mortgage so I think with a little luck I hope I can make it work. But the dogs are costing me a fortune lately so I am not sure. Please take care of yourself and thank you for everything, you are a true friend.   Bill

 

ll

Momof2plusteentwins

Griffon said:

You have helped me

Dear Wolfen, Thank you so much for your reply. I am so sorry about your daughter, My god how much can one person take. I cannot even imagine the pain that you have endure. Now I know when my pain is bad, there are people like yourself who have gone thru so much more pain.I have been sitting here trying to think about what to do on this fri since it's the anniversary of her death. I wanted to do something for the inner core of her friends that went above and beyond for her during her illness. Then I realized that they have all  moved on with there lives and its me who is still here in the same time talking to her everyday and looking at her pictures and telling her about everything that is going on. I am 61 years old and just retired from my job where I worked for 20 years. It was just not working out with being away all day for the dogs with my wife gone. I do have a part time job which helps pay for healthcare, then I can be there to take better care of the dogs. I know she would be saying what are you doing? We own our house so I do not have a mortgage so I think with a little luck I hope I can make it work. But the dogs are costing me a fortune lately so I am not sure. Please take care of yourself and thank you for everything, you are a true friend.   Bill

 

ll

Bill

i was just thinking about you and checked to see if you have posted recently.  I am still alive.  I have survived stage IV colon cancer for 3 years now.  I have got to see a lot, my twin boys graduate from high school in May, my twin grandaughters born in May 2014, and now my son and his wife are expecting in February.  I was hoping you were doing better in time.  Please know that your wife may have not lived a full life in years, it appears she lived a full life in love and happiness.  Not everyone has that.  I think she was lucky to have you.  Please take care.

Sandy

Griffon

Momof2plusteentwins said:

Bill

i was just thinking about you and checked to see if you have posted recently.  I am still alive.  I have survived stage IV colon cancer for 3 years now.  I have got to see a lot, my twin boys graduate from high school in May, my twin grandaughters born in May 2014, and now my son and his wife are expecting in February.  I was hoping you were doing better in time.  Please know that your wife may have not lived a full life in years, it appears she lived a full life in love and happiness.  Not everyone has that.  I think she was lucky to have you.  Please take care.

Sandy

I am so happy for you

Dear Sandy, I am so happy to hear from you. I hope you continue to do well forevear. I am glad you got to see your boys graduate and to see your grandchildren. Continue to beat that beast down and win, you are my hero. As for myself I am having a tough time coping with life with out her. Even though its almost three years now I cannot get over it, I have tried to met other people but I always compare them to her and they always lose. I know this is all about me, I cannot just let her go. Maybe I have to make a big change and move and leave here and start over somewhere else. But I know I would be sitting outside the house just looking at it. I guess I might need professional help, but how do they know how much I loved her. I guess I just have to deal with what has been dealt as she told me before she died " man up **** take care of our family" so you take care of your self Sandy, I will talk to you soon. All my best to you and your family. Bill