Am I the only one with an issue with stranger hugs.

camul
camul Member Posts: 2,537
in Breast Cancer #1
Yesterday, finally felt better and went out for a bit. Stopped at a store, as I was leaving, a lady hugged me. I was a little put off. She was nice enuf then asked if I had bc. Said yes. She said she is a survivor, and had to give me a hug becaise I looked like I have cancer. I am bald and was wearing a cap. She went on about how I would get better, etc. Finally I said I am stage iv. Proceded to educate on lack of fundinfg for advanced cancers and to write letters.
As I turned to leave she was coming in for another hug and I said no, that I am fighting another infection and cant afford to pick up anything else. She was hurt!
I know she meant well, but she has no idea what we may be deali g with and seriously, since leaving the hospital 2 weeks ago I have been fighting an infection as well as a full blown cold. Yesterday was the first dy I even had the energy to go anywhere.

I left feeling bad because I hurt her feelings. Her friend was upset with me for sayong I was stage iv. I told her it is a reality for some of us of this horrible disease. But seriously, I really cant afford to pick up anything else and I shouldnot be made to feel bad for protecti g my health!

Comments

  • coco2008
    coco2008 Member Posts: 418
    #2
    If she was a cancer survivor

    If she was a cancer survivor you would think she would be aware of how vulnerable you are now.  I would say not to worry so much about her feelings.  Your main concern is to protect your health.  You did exactly what you should have done.

    Cancer survivor or not, you don't just walk up and hug a stranger.  I don't understand why she would do that.

    Bless you and I will keep you in prayer.

    Sandy

  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
    #3
    30% and you should not feel bad!

    Carol,

     

    I am sorry that you have to deal with another infection.  You should not feel badly as no one has a right to hug some stranger.   I am glad that you did educate her and she certainly needed to understand that for 30% of those who are diagnose, the reality is stage IV.  She needed to know that and it can't be said enough that more money is needed for research.  I understand that Komen gives less and less to research.  I can't get excited with Relay for life when they give out pins and banners with the words survivor on it.  Though the cost is probably minimal, adding it up across the country, might prove to be a lot and it could go to research instead of in someone drawer to be thrown out at a later date.

     

    Thinking of you,

     

    Doris

  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #4
    SIROD said:

    30% and you should not feel bad!

    Carol,

     

    I am sorry that you have to deal with another infection.  You should not feel badly as no one has a right to hug some stranger.   I am glad that you did educate her and she certainly needed to understand that for 30% of those who are diagnose, the reality is stage IV.  She needed to know that and it can't be said enough that more money is needed for research.  I understand that Komen gives less and less to research.  I can't get excited with Relay for life when they give out pins and banners with the words survivor on it.  Though the cost is probably minimal, adding it up across the country, might prove to be a lot and it could go to research instead of in someone drawer to be thrown out at a later date.

     

    Thinking of you,

     

    Doris

    Hi Carol

    Carol,

     I am glad that you have been feeling better and strong enough to go shopping. 

    Yes, you need to protect yourself and every cancer survivor should unddestand about low CBC and risk of infection.

    As far as stage IV, it is a part of our life and I have noticed that people got upset or uncomfortable when we talk about it, So what? 

    Have a nice day

    Olga

     

  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    #5
    New Flower said:

    Hi Carol

    Carol,

     I am glad that you have been feeling better and strong enough to go shopping. 

    Yes, you need to protect yourself and every cancer survivor should unddestand about low CBC and risk of infection.

    As far as stage IV, it is a part of our life and I have noticed that people got upset or uncomfortable when we talk about it, So what? 

    Have a nice day

    Olga

     

    The Club

    Yeh, yeh, yeh, so we all belong to the same "club" having alll been diagnosed with breast cancer.  But it is NOT a country club!   I'm telling you, all this pink crap has made breast cancer feel like a big pink party to some and it's not!  I love you, Carol, and I hope I get to hug you when we meet, but that woman had absolutely no right to invade your personal space.  Under any circumstances!   And because she decided you had cancer and needed a hug??  Really?  From a stranger?   I don't think so.   It was nice that she acknowledged you rather treating you like the elephant in the living room.  Encouragement is great - this was just plain wrong on so many levels.

    I would hope she and her friend learned a valuable lesson from you.  Ask before you make assumptions that your actions will be welcomed.

    Ok, now I'll forgive her.  I've ranted.  She didn't know any better.  Now she does.  You just keep going out when you feel like it and be prepared with a response in case this ever happens again. 

    Oh, and btw, I've learned there are a lot of women with alopecia who are as bald as a cue ball and never had cancer.  Many of them don't wear head coverings.  Does she go up and hug them and make assumptsions about them, too?  Grrrrrrr.

    Suzanne

  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #6
    SIROD said:

    30% and you should not feel bad!

    Carol,

     

    I am sorry that you have to deal with another infection.  You should not feel badly as no one has a right to hug some stranger.   I am glad that you did educate her and she certainly needed to understand that for 30% of those who are diagnose, the reality is stage IV.  She needed to know that and it can't be said enough that more money is needed for research.  I understand that Komen gives less and less to research.  I can't get excited with Relay for life when they give out pins and banners with the words survivor on it.  Though the cost is probably minimal, adding it up across the country, might prove to be a lot and it could go to research instead of in someone drawer to be thrown out at a later date.

     

    Thinking of you,

     

    Doris

    Komen is also giving more and

    Komen is also giving more and more to founder Nancy Brinker, who apparently did not resign after all.

    http://openchannel.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/06/10/18869742-susan-komen-ceos-salary-draws-fire-as-donations-drop-races-are-canceled?lite

  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #7
    I have such a hard time with

    I have such a hard time with this too!  I try and educate everyone, but I keep hand sanitizer everywhere for the surprise attacks.  I hate touching hands, because as an NP, I know they are the biggest germ carriers.  Hand sanitizer in my purse, my car, my house and I had a huge bottle on my bedside table in the hospital.

  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
    #8
    CypressCynthia said:

    I have such a hard time with

    I have such a hard time with this too!  I try and educate everyone, but I keep hand sanitizer everywhere for the surprise attacks.  I hate touching hands, because as an NP, I know they are the biggest germ carriers.  Hand sanitizer in my purse, my car, my house and I had a huge bottle on my bedside table in the hospital.

    Sanitizer

    I have sanitizer in all those places too.  I know I used it yesterday on my way for an iron transfusion but last night I felt sick and do today.

    My WBC are only 2, so I should have had some gloves with me as I stopped in 5 places beside the cancer center and maybe a mask.  Won't make that mistake again.  Perhaps I am just having a reaction to the iron.

    Like the Komen article.  Nancy did such a wonderful job to start the whole bc thing and she might just run it into the ground.

    Best,

    Doris

  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
    #9
    CypressCynthia said:

    I have such a hard time with

    I have such a hard time with this too!  I try and educate everyone, but I keep hand sanitizer everywhere for the surprise attacks.  I hate touching hands, because as an NP, I know they are the biggest germ carriers.  Hand sanitizer in my purse, my car, my house and I had a huge bottle on my bedside table in the hospital.

    I am so glad I am not alone on this one. I am so glad it is not
    just me. I really dont like people I dont know invading my personal space. Today I am feeling better than I have in months. I am assuming the chemo is getting out of my system. I am still having bladder/kidney issues but they may be with me forever. Suzanne, if I make it to Sacramento I will let you know and yes I wil give you a hug, but then again you are not a stranger! Still trying to work a trip out!
  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #10
    camul said:

    I am so glad I am not alone on this one. I am so glad it is not
    just me. I really dont like people I dont know invading my personal space. Today I am feeling better than I have in months. I am assuming the chemo is getting out of my system. I am still having bladder/kidney issues but they may be with me forever. Suzanne, if I make it to Sacramento I will let you know and yes I wil give you a hug, but then again you are not a stranger! Still trying to work a trip out!

    Maybe we need to market a tee

    Maybe we need to market a tee shirt that says, "Immunocompromised.  Please no hugs, coughs or handshakes!"

  • coco2008
    coco2008 Member Posts: 418
    #11
    CypressCynthia said:

    Maybe we need to market a tee

    Maybe we need to market a tee shirt that says, "Immunocompromised.  Please no hugs, coughs or handshakes!"

    I like your idea of the T

    I like your idea of the T shirt.  Maybe they could be sold at all Cancer Centers.

  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
    #12
    CypressCynthia said:

    Maybe we need to market a tee

    Maybe we need to market a tee shirt that says, "Immunocompromised.  Please no hugs, coughs or handshakes!"

    t-shirs "immunocompromised"

    I like that idea.

  • Lynn Smith
    Lynn Smith Member Posts: 1,264 Member
    #13
    This happened to me last night

    This happened to me last night. Went to a graduation party for my great niece. She met us at the car.We hugged BUT when I got to the event she was sniffling and she had a cold.My husband didn't notice it(he said) and he sat right next to her. He had the flu shot but i'm allergic to it.  Also I had bronchitis for 7 months and still feel the effects.Have allergies now from it all.I guess my immune system is weak.After awhile I went to the car. Husband came and also our niece.Just told her I wasn't feeling that good and I haven't for months.I wasSorry to be that way but I have to be.

    Most people can overcome sickness but some of us can't.When my kids were growing up I never got sick when they did and my other 2 didn't get sick.BUT it seems today when something is going  around it's serious. More and more die.AND of course those of us with cancer or any immune conditions we don't need to be around ANYONE that's sick  

    Yes I'm bad and maybe worse than you.For years I watched others.Now it's kinda like a BIG FEAR.Oh and my husband also is a freak when it comes to wiping carts and using our hand sanitizer.For me all winter I didn't go in stores.Started recently and would you believe people all over the store are coughing.My husband and I go the opposite direction. Sickness is still around so I can understand your fears.Honestly the fears will be with me forever.

    Oh and for me it's not just strangers I watch  the family.In fact most of my family's like me NOW.Never were and made fun of me.After my great grandson was born my granddaughters and my daughter-in-law are freaked on santitizing.They even told me to watch my purse in the hopsital and where to lay it down.I was  always the one who told them to watch butThen they passed me off.NOT NOW THOUGH they're as freaky as me.It eventually  rubs off. 

    A real funny when me son was in the hospital,3 of us went to get the results and see the doctor after his  surgery.We walked up some steps. My daughter-in-law freaked when my granddaughter touched the railing as we were walking up the steps. Told her people put their hands on it and when we back to our area you have to wash your hands. 

    A sad situation.My friend's aunt died after choking on her own vomit.She was healthy at 85.Active.During Christmas she got sick after the family came to dinner.Her Grandkids were sick.She lived  a few days when her lungs filled with vomit but she suffererd horribly

    You're not Paranoid.You're Careful

    Lynn Smith 

     

  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
    #14
    CypressCynthia said:

    Maybe we need to market a tee

    Maybe we need to market a tee shirt that says, "Immunocompromised.  Please no hugs, coughs or handshakes!"

    That really is not a bad idea.
    People just do not think. My friends and family have been really hrwat about not coming around when they have or suspect they may be coming down with anything.
    Need to market it and send proceeds for immune research for adv cancers!!

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