Do you feel like this?

jnl
jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
in Breast Cancer #1

While cleaning the house today, once again, I struggled with the idea of putting my bc "stuff" away.  By away, I mean in the attic.  I've been NED now for years, and, pray it is a lifetime of NED, but, it's like I am afraid if I move all of my "stuff", that it will jinx me somehow and something will happen. 

By my "stuff", I mean all of my cd results, test results, all of my wonderful cards from everyone, some information that I've received or gotten about bc that I felt was important and a few other things.

It isn't like anyone, unless they already know, would have any idea that it is there as one of my girlfriend's husband, who is a wonderful carpenter, made me a beautiful wooden box.  Everything fits perfect in it and it is a nice piece of furniture.  It isn't huge, just big enough. 

But I just keep thinking that I really need to put all of that away.  Not have it even in the wooden box as I am constantly reminded.

Does this sound strange?  lol  And, please don't everyone tell me I am strange.  I cry easily  lol

Love, Leeza

 

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Comments

  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #2
    You are strange! ☻

    Now don't cry Leeza!  I was just joking!  I was just like you.  I had a big box that had everything in it and I hid the box behind a chair, so no one could see it, but, I had easy access to it.

    Then one day, I just asked my hubby to please take it upstairs and put it in a closet.  I don't really know what prompted me to do it, but like you, I knew it was always there and it was a constant reminder and I didn't want that anymore either.

    My hubby kept asking me if I was sure and I emphatically said a big YES!  He knew my feelings about it and knew that somehow it might be some sort of a security blanket.  Talk about strange, huh.  lol

    So, it's all upstairs, hidden in a closet and I am glad I did it.  Nothing bad happened when I did it and nothing bad will happen to you either. 

    From your post, it sounds like you're ready to put it away too, not to even have it in the box.  But if you're not, there's no harm in leaving it there. 

    Not sure my post helped you any.  Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in your feeling.

    Sue :)

  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #3
    Ritzy said:

    You are strange! ☻

    Now don't cry Leeza!  I was just joking!  I was just like you.  I had a big box that had everything in it and I hid the box behind a chair, so no one could see it, but, I had easy access to it.

    Then one day, I just asked my hubby to please take it upstairs and put it in a closet.  I don't really know what prompted me to do it, but like you, I knew it was always there and it was a constant reminder and I didn't want that anymore either.

    My hubby kept asking me if I was sure and I emphatically said a big YES!  He knew my feelings about it and knew that somehow it might be some sort of a security blanket.  Talk about strange, huh.  lol

    So, it's all upstairs, hidden in a closet and I am glad I did it.  Nothing bad happened when I did it and nothing bad will happen to you either. 

    From your post, it sounds like you're ready to put it away too, not to even have it in the box.  But if you're not, there's no harm in leaving it there. 

    Not sure my post helped you any.  Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in your feeling.

    Sue :)

    Thanks Sue!  It's nice to

    Thanks Sue!  It's nice to know that others feel this way.  You almost got me crying until I read on.  hehe 

  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    #4
    jnl said:

    Thanks Sue!  It's nice to

    Thanks Sue!  It's nice to know that others feel this way.  You almost got me crying until I read on.  hehe 

    I understand totally! 

    I understand totally!  Nothing strange or odd about the way you're feeling.  I've known bc survivors that said they kept their wigs for years and years, for fear if they donated them, that they would need them again.

    You're normal!  Smile

  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
    #5
    One day, it finally went...

    I remember the box with all the tests results, all the information I gathered, the cards and etc.  It kept moving place according to importance.  One day, I said, "why on earth am I keeping this stuff".  I threw it out and truly never missed it.  It also had the previous crisis that had happen 4 weeks prior to being diagnose.  I had minor surgery that turned into a staph infection that nearly killed me, finally had a surgery to heal the area from inside to the outside.  All this was in a fairly large box.

    I did have a regional recurrence followed by mets.  I truly never needed anything in that box.  I did keep a few things like the path report.  Everything else went.

    Don't know if it helps you or not.

    Doris

  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
    #6
    Kylez said:

    I understand totally! 

    I understand totally!  Nothing strange or odd about the way you're feeling.  I've known bc survivors that said they kept their wigs for years and years, for fear if they donated them, that they would need them again.

    You're normal!  Smile

    Wig

    Well, I did keep mine but it has been 18 years since the first chemo (which I didn't loose my hair and never wore the wig).  However, my hair coloring has changed and so did the style of my hair.  The wig is fairly nice and when I am better at driving, I will take it over to a place that accepts wigs.

    I wear turbans, hats, kerchief types and I do have bangs if I want to wear them, no wig this time.  I might still get one though.  However, there is no point in keeping your wig in case, because your style and color might change.

    Best,

    Doris

  • RozHopkins
    RozHopkins Member Posts: 578 Member
    #7
    Two and a half years after

    Two and a half years after bilateral, we are going on Australian vacation and my son said I need a hat for the unrelenting sun.  To snorkel men and women burn their scalps easily just on the way to reef by boat.  Couldn't believe that two of my chemo hats looked really perfect for the job.  They are caps but are just a bit nicer than the off the shelf ones we see everywhere. Kept a few nice scarves which I also have used in colder weather.  

  • June Bugs
    June Bugs Member Posts: 167
    #8
    SIROD said:

    One day, it finally went...

    I remember the box with all the tests results, all the information I gathered, the cards and etc.  It kept moving place according to importance.  One day, I said, "why on earth am I keeping this stuff".  I threw it out and truly never missed it.  It also had the previous crisis that had happen 4 weeks prior to being diagnose.  I had minor surgery that turned into a staph infection that nearly killed me, finally had a surgery to heal the area from inside to the outside.  All this was in a fairly large box.

    I did have a regional recurrence followed by mets.  I truly never needed anything in that box.  I did keep a few things like the path report.  Everything else went.

    Don't know if it helps you or not.

    Doris

    I have a box of everything

    I have a box of everything too and hadn't even thought about throwing it away.  Maybe in a year or two, I don't know.  It actually has a lot of information that I would want to keep.  It's in our office, so, it isn't in the way.  I should probably at least put it in one of the file cabinets.  You do what you want and when you want.  There's no rule.

    June

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #9
    I just hit  5 yrs-The only

    I just hit  5 yrs-The only thing i keep out is my little framed radiation certicate. IT is not very big, no one in the family notices it..but on occassion i just pick it up-(that is the ONLY exact date I remember) JUNE 28-2008 was my last day!

     

    We all handle things differently-I wish you luck

     

    Denise

  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #10
    Kylez said:

    I understand totally! 

    I understand totally!  Nothing strange or odd about the way you're feeling.  I've known bc survivors that said they kept their wigs for years and years, for fear if they donated them, that they would need them again.

    You're normal!  Smile

    Whew!  I am normal!  lol 

    Whew!  I am normal!  lol  Want to tell my hubby that? 

  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #11
    SIROD said:

    One day, it finally went...

    I remember the box with all the tests results, all the information I gathered, the cards and etc.  It kept moving place according to importance.  One day, I said, "why on earth am I keeping this stuff".  I threw it out and truly never missed it.  It also had the previous crisis that had happen 4 weeks prior to being diagnose.  I had minor surgery that turned into a staph infection that nearly killed me, finally had a surgery to heal the area from inside to the outside.  All this was in a fairly large box.

    I did have a regional recurrence followed by mets.  I truly never needed anything in that box.  I did keep a few things like the path report.  Everything else went.

    Don't know if it helps you or not.

    Doris

    If I do throw it out, I

    If I do throw it out, I probably wouldn't miss it either Doris.  Darn cancer!!!  Look at what it does to us! 

    Thanks, Leeza

  • Angie2U
    Angie2U Member Posts: 2,991
    #12
    jnl said:

    If I do throw it out, I

    If I do throw it out, I probably wouldn't miss it either Doris.  Darn cancer!!!  Look at what it does to us! 

    Thanks, Leeza

    It doesn't sound strange to

    It doesn't sound strange to me.  I've kept mine too Leeza, but, it is out of the way, so, I don't see it.  If your knowing that it is there, and, it really is bringing up feelings you don't want, then either throw it out or put it somewhere that you don't have to see it. 

    Hugs, Angie

     

  • Pink Rose
    Pink Rose Member Posts: 493
    #13
    RozHopkins said:

    Two and a half years after

    Two and a half years after bilateral, we are going on Australian vacation and my son said I need a hat for the unrelenting sun.  To snorkel men and women burn their scalps easily just on the way to reef by boat.  Couldn't believe that two of my chemo hats looked really perfect for the job.  They are caps but are just a bit nicer than the off the shelf ones we see everywhere. Kept a few nice scarves which I also have used in colder weather.  

    Wish I could help you with

    Wish I could help you with this decision Leeza, but, you'll put it all away when it feels right.  Don't worry about it.

    Hugs, Rose

  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
    #14
    disneyfan2008 said:

    I just hit  5 yrs-The only

    I just hit  5 yrs-The only thing i keep out is my little framed radiation certicate. IT is not very big, no one in the family notices it..but on occassion i just pick it up-(that is the ONLY exact date I remember) JUNE 28-2008 was my last day!

     

    We all handle things differently-I wish you luck

     

    Denise

    My story is sort of the reverse of yours

    Leeza,

    Yes, you are strange...but we're all strange too, so we love you! Kiss

    About 10 months out of treatment, I moved, so I carefully boxed up all of my hats, scarves, ACS brochures, and other mementos from my treatment, labelled it "Cancer Resources," and let the movers put it in the garage with my other storage boxes.  That was 2 1/2 years ago.  

    One of my health goals right now is to be more diligent about protecting my skin from the sun, especially my face, so I've bought hats to wear when I go walking.  I keep thinking that a couple of the hats I wore during chemo looked good on me, I should get them out of that box and wear them...

    ...but I can't open that box.  I see it when I'm out in the garage, but I can't go near it.  It's almost like I feel it's Pandora's box -- if I open that box, the cancer will come back.  If I keep it taped shut, the cancer will stay in there.

    Yes, it's crazy...but cancer makes us crazy!

    Traci

     

  • JJDS
    JJDS Member Posts: 258
    #15
    TraciInLA said:

    My story is sort of the reverse of yours

    Leeza,

    Yes, you are strange...but we're all strange too, so we love you! Kiss

    About 10 months out of treatment, I moved, so I carefully boxed up all of my hats, scarves, ACS brochures, and other mementos from my treatment, labelled it "Cancer Resources," and let the movers put it in the garage with my other storage boxes.  That was 2 1/2 years ago.  

    One of my health goals right now is to be more diligent about protecting my skin from the sun, especially my face, so I've bought hats to wear when I go walking.  I keep thinking that a couple of the hats I wore during chemo looked good on me, I should get them out of that box and wear them...

    ...but I can't open that box.  I see it when I'm out in the garage, but I can't go near it.  It's almost like I feel it's Pandora's box -- if I open that box, the cancer will come back.  If I keep it taped shut, the cancer will stay in there.

    Yes, it's crazy...but cancer makes us crazy!

    Traci

     

    That is another way to look

    That is another way to look at it Leeza.  Never thought of that Traci.

  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    #16
    disneyfan2008 said:

    I just hit  5 yrs-The only

    I just hit  5 yrs-The only thing i keep out is my little framed radiation certicate. IT is not very big, no one in the family notices it..but on occassion i just pick it up-(that is the ONLY exact date I remember) JUNE 28-2008 was my last day!

     

    We all handle things differently-I wish you luck

     

    Denise

    I agree that you are

    I agree that you are strange!  Just kidding..  If you are, then so am I.  I have so much stuff stuck in a box that it is ridiculous and I won't throw it away.  Guess I am afraid it might jinx me too.  We all hold on to different things for different reasons.  There's no wrong or right, just the way we are.

    Hugs, Lex

  • Lynne P
    Lynne P Member Posts: 165
    #17
    disneyfan2008 said:

    I just hit  5 yrs-The only

    I just hit  5 yrs-The only thing i keep out is my little framed radiation certicate. IT is not very big, no one in the family notices it..but on occassion i just pick it up-(that is the ONLY exact date I remember) JUNE 28-2008 was my last day!

     

    We all handle things differently-I wish you luck

     

    Denise

    What we hang onto, whether it

    What we hang onto, whether it is everything or nothing is fine.  I keep all of my test results as I always want a record of everything.  I also have all of the cards, letters, notes and gifts that everyone sent to me and still do.  It makes me feel good knowing how many people cared and were concerned for what I went through. 

    Good luck in your choice,

    Lynne

  • Adrajk
    Adrajk Member Posts: 1
    #18
    Speaking of crying easily.

    Why is that?seems like I hear that a lot,I too cry easily,people are always asking me why I cry so often .? (I don't know ,does anyone really know why.)  I have another question, does anyone feel like they lost base line concerning their health ? I feel like I can't trust my body to  tell  me what's going on  with it. (What's normal anymore)?. Is this what happens 2years out of  chemo , herceptin , and radiation. Adra.

  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #19
    Adrajk said:

    Speaking of crying easily.

    Why is that?seems like I hear that a lot,I too cry easily,people are always asking me why I cry so often .? (I don't know ,does anyone really know why.)  I have another question, does anyone feel like they lost base line concerning their health ? I feel like I can't trust my body to  tell  me what's going on  with it. (What's normal anymore)?. Is this what happens 2years out of  chemo , herceptin , and radiation. Adra.

    Adra, we all put ourselves

    Adra, we all put ourselves through so much, physically and mentally, that it's a wonder that we can still function.  Hearing those 3 words, going through surgery's, chemo, rads, hormone therapy and all of the tests year after year, it does take a toll on us.  We just have to think positive, enjoy each and every day and stay on top of our health.  Life is meant to be lived, not meant to live in fear of cancer. 

    Take care,

    Sue :)

  • peanutcat
    peanutcat Member Posts: 104
    #20
    Stuff away

    jnl,

    I keep my stuff in the top of my closet because I feel the same way you do. I don't want to be  jinxed. With me it is always in the back of my mind it will come back because there is so much of all kinds in my family. I keep UPBEAT tho

     

     

  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #21
    Leeza, I don't think you are

    Leeza, I don't think you are strange at all.  When I was diagnosed, I was working on an enormous cross stitch and was about 75% done.  I kept having this silly superstitious feeling that, if I finished the project, I would die.  Completely crazy!

    But I talked to my daughter about it at some point.  She asked why I had never finished it.  She understood and said, "Never finish it Mom."

    I know it is crazy but feelings are feelings.  Do what is right for you!

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