So thankful for my fellow warriors

VivianLee5689
VivianLee5689 Member Posts: 546
edited March 2013 in Head and Neck Cancer #1

This has been the most hellish ride I've ever been on, but I want to thank all my CSN friends. I have had so many drop out of my life since David got sick. Of course now that he is dying everyone wants to come to my rescue. Well I'm sorry I am coming for support from the people who have stuck with David and I through thick and thin.  The people here who have listened day in and day out to my  rambling. The people who send me emails and go through the trouble of getting my address to send us a card. The people who gave me phone numbers and really make me feel like I can call. Thank you. I have needed everyone of you. You have been my strength when I didn't think I could go on.  You gave me hope and even a laugh when I didn't think I could make it through the day.  Thank you so much. David is no longer hallucinating, but he no longer can swallow, he can't say the letter "b" , his voice sounds very weird, his right leg is numb and I think he is starting to accept he is dying. Of course I feel like I am dying too.  It is so hard to watch him fade away. I know he doesn't want to leave me, but I know he will have a great time on the other side. I am very emotional right now to say the least. 

Comments

  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #2
    With You...

    We are with you and David... It's hard and something that I can not imagine having to go through when you should be starting your life together...

    I find it very hard to even come up with something to lift and support you at times because I'm numb.

    I can only offer my support, my prayers, and strength for you to get through this...

    Jon

  • Billie67
    Billie67 Member Posts: 898
    #3
    Skiffin16 said:

    With You...

    We are with you and David... It's hard and something that I can not imagine having to go through when you should be starting your life together...

    I find it very hard to even come up with something to lift and support you at times because I'm numb.

    I can only offer my support, my prayers, and strength for you to get through this...

    Jon

    Sweet Vivian
    I can only say that I'm praying for you. I'm at a loss for words except to say that this whole situation sucks. It is not right, it shouldn't be this way.

    I'm so sorry that you two have to go thru this and to top it off your "friends" have all of the sudden decided that they can be there for you.

    Just know that we truly care about you both and pray that God provides you with the peace you need to get thru this storm.

    Big hugs my friend,
    Billie
    PS...give David a hug too!
  • VivianLee5689
    VivianLee5689 Member Posts: 546
    #4
    Billie67 said:

    Sweet Vivian
    I can only say that I'm praying for you. I'm at a loss for words except to say that this whole situation sucks. It is not right, it shouldn't be this way.

    I'm so sorry that you two have to go thru this and to top it off your "friends" have all of the sudden decided that they can be there for you.

    Just know that we truly care about you both and pray that God provides you with the peace you need to get thru this storm.

    Big hugs my friend,
    Billie
    PS...give David a hug too!

    Thanks

    Jon and Billie I will be eternally thankful for your faithfulness in support of David and I.  You both are incredible people.  May God bless both of your lives. 

  • wolfen
    wolfen Member Posts: 1,324 Member
    #5
    VivianLee5689 said:

    Thanks

    Jon and Billie I will be eternally thankful for your faithfulness in support of David and I.  You both are incredible people.  May God bless both of your lives. 

    Vivian and David

    Sending both of you love and strength and this special Irish blessing.

    May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand.

    Your friend,

    Wolfen

  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,722 Member
    #6
    our friends

    Vivian,

     

    We are just as thankful to you for including us in your life.  I am deeply saddened by David’s condition, but I pray for peace for both of you.

     

    Strength to you,

     

    Matt

  • Tim6003
    Tim6003 Member Posts: 1,514 Member
    #7
    CivilMatt said:

    our friends

    Vivian,

     

    We are just as thankful to you for including us in your life.  I am deeply saddened by David’s condition, but I pray for peace for both of you.

     

    Strength to you,

     

    Matt

    Worn out with hurt ....

    That's the only way I can describe how I feel for you and David.  Worn out with hurt.  It's not meant to mean your news or your posts bother me, they certainly do not, it just means I feel I have been on this heart-wrenching ride with you and I had hoped and prayed for a better place for the bus to stop...

    I'm sorry Vivian ....I feel as if you and David are friends / family.  Be sure and tell David I think of you and him often if not daily and I will continue to pray. 

    I am sorry the two of you have been through so much....

    Tim

  • VanessaSLO
    VanessaSLO Member Posts: 283
    #8
    It is hard...

    It is hard to read this... I was hoping all the time that David will get thru this. But God wants the other way.. So at this point I just want you to know that you're daily in my thoughts and prayers.... And I pray right now that you both find PEACE of heart and mind! You sure do deserve it!

  • fisrpotpe
    fisrpotpe Member Posts: 1,349 Member
    #9

    we continue to read you updates and pray for you and David each and everyday. 

    hugs for strength and understanding

    john 

  • Ingrid K
    Ingrid K Member Posts: 813
    #10
    just sad

    Vivian

    I am sad and so very sorry for you both. 

    You are the strongest woman I have never met.

  • rachel12yrsuv
    rachel12yrsuv Member Posts: 435
    #11
    Vivian&David,
    I know we
    Vivian&David,

    I know we haven't known each long, and for years of having my head in the sand survivign I forgot that, no I didn't want to see that this side exsists.

    I have prayed that God would grant a miracle and maybe he has by David not hallucinating anymore and being able to communicate with you, and you seem to have accepted by being able to say the word of what's happening to him. So the Lord granted you both the miracle of acceptance. I was hoping for healing and so help me I will continue to pray for it. I even tried to make a deal that I would wear my feeding tube longer and not complain if you culd have your David, I guess it doesn't work that way.

    Enjoy the time you hae, and know that you had something that some people search they're whole life for and never find.

    Your Friend,

    Rachel

    May Gods peace,love, and mercy be with David and you forever...
  • debbiejeanne
    debbiejeanne Member Posts: 3,102 Member
    #12
    viv, you and your hubby are

    viv, you and your hubby are in my thots and prayers.  i'm so sorry u r going thru this terrible ordeal.  i pray God will hold you both and give u strength to make it thru.

    God bless,

    deb

  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    #13
    Words seem so

    inadequate....yet I know they can powerful when coming from those who care about you.  I remember when my mom was told she only had a short time left.  I was sitting on her bed and crying.....told her I couldn't stand that she was going to die.  She took my hand and said "honey, there are so many things worse than death, and I'll just be on the other side of the veil".  You are so strong....and your faith is so strong....you have been through a lifetime of trials and yes love in a just a few months.....

    We will be here with you.....today, tomorrow, and always.....

    p

  • cureitall66
    cureitall66 Member Posts: 913
    #14
    You're Bravery....

    I am always in awe of your bravery. I know you may not think you are, but you've shown us more than once the strength in your writing. We also know there is fear of the unknown. The doctors will review your options again, as they can change. You will know when it needs to be handed over to God. Until then, please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers everyday. I pray now for some peace to come soon for you both.

    God Bless,

    Cris 

  • Laralyn
    Laralyn Member Posts: 532
    #15
    Thinking of you and David!

    I can't imagine what you're going through. Don't hesitate to come talk to us when you have time and you need to vent. Even when you're not logged in, know that we're here for you!

  • Duggie88
    Duggie88 Member Posts: 760 Member
    #16
    Vivian

     

    I joined this site in between my surgery and radiation and never really got involved until recently three years later. I can come on here and work through the pain and suffering the victims of cancer go through. However, I find it very difficult to deal with the prospect of a loss created by cancer and quite frankly it angers me. I have no trouble typing a joke or anything that will lift the weight of someone’s shoulders but I have never been able to come up with something to lift something as heavy as you’re going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and David.

     

    Excuse my German but cancer f---ing sucks. I will never give it the satisfaction of camouflaging its name as the “beast” or “c” and I refuse to allow it to intimidate me. So please don’t be intimidated by cancer go outside and yell at the top of your lungs “hey cancer Jeff says you f---ing suck”  I can shoulder this one for you.

     

    Sorry if I offended anyone but I call it as I see it.

     

  • NJShore
    NJShore Member Posts: 429 Member
    #17
    and we are thankful for you...

    Vivian,

    Just want you to know I not only pray for you and David, but I also thank God that we met, and that we have been part of eachothers journeys and we have become friends/family. We too are grateful that we have gotten to know David through you.. well and maybe personally when you forwarded your phone to his :)

    I am so happy that you have the support of the hospice team right in the hospital, and that you have help in comforting him and carrying for him.

    You are a gift, not just to David but to each of us.

    Hugs, Kari & Dan

  • Pam M
    Pam M Member Posts: 2,196
    #18
    Sigh

    So very sorry

  • yensid683
    yensid683 Member Posts: 349
    #19
    the last full measure of devotion

    though when Lincoln said it, it was for another battle with another hideous foe and another time, but still something we all face.

    Several weeks ago another member of our family posted that her husband had fallen in battle and we all grieved with her as we do with you.  She said something that struck me though as one of the most loving and devoted things she could have said to her beloved.  I'm paraphrasing but she told him that he didn't need to worry about her anymore, didn't need to suffer, didn't need to continue the fight just for her, she told him that it was time for him to rest. 

    I see and hear Lincoln's words from so long ago as I read your posts here and on Caring Bridge. 

    I am so sad that you are facing such a horrible prospect, it seems so wrong that God brings two people together to share their lives, but then brings them apart.  Perhaps he is showing us what heaven may be like while we have our beloveds.

    I continue to pray for you both, may God relieve David's pain and may he give you the strength to bear this difficult burden.

    Peter

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