Counseling/Therapy

annalexandria

Chelsea71 said:

Sadly, I am relieved to hear
Sadly, I am relieved to hear that you went through something similar. It must be a fairly common problem. He has had numerous hospital stays over the years but this was the most difficult by far. What worries me is that he is looking at possibly having a two stage resection within the next several months. (Providing there is no progression). He is already so worn down emotionally. He wants the surgery though. He know that it's his best chance of getting a break from the chemo. Hopefully by then he will be stronger physically and mentally.

Thanks,

Chelsea

Honestly, I was scared to death,

when I was facing another surgery after that particular hospital stay (#4 was the bad one).  #5 actually ended up being not so bad, but I didn't know that going  in.  Some thoughts on dealing with that...Steve needs to figure out what elements are most upsetting to him, and if there's any way to plan ahead on how to deal with them.  I talked to a person at the hospital (not sure what she was-social worker maybe?) about some of the things that worried me.  For example, I knew I would be having major anxiety while I was in there, and I wanted to have Ativan available as needed.  That's something that can be set up ahead of time.  This is something that a good cancer therapist could help him to figure out.  Of course, many things can't be controlled or planned for, but there may be some things that can be managed.  AA

Annabelle41415

Chelsea71 said:

Thanks Kim. Nice to read
Thanks Kim. Nice to read your post. Have missed them. I'm not sure about the manicure or massage but I am definitely going to get these roots done soon!!!

Chelsea

Pampering

Yes, go have your roots done.  Your husband has been through an unimaginable ordeal and I'm hoping and praying that he feels better soon.  He might even say he doesn't want to go to counselling, but see what you can schedule and kindly nudge him into at least trying it.  Best to both of you.

Kim

Chelsea71

annalexandria said:

Honestly, I was scared to death,

when I was facing another surgery after that particular hospital stay (#4 was the bad one).  #5 actually ended up being not so bad, but I didn't know that going  in.  Some thoughts on dealing with that...Steve needs to figure out what elements are most upsetting to him, and if there's any way to plan ahead on how to deal with them.  I talked to a person at the hospital (not sure what she was-social worker maybe?) about some of the things that worried me.  For example, I knew I would be having major anxiety while I was in there, and I wanted to have Ativan available as needed.  That's something that can be set up ahead of time.  This is something that a good cancer therapist could help him to figure out.  Of course, many things can't be controlled or planned for, but there may be some things that can be managed.  AA

I think that may have been
I think that may have been part of why it was so difficult. It came as a surprise. We were not "psyched up" for it. With surgeries etc that we knew of in advance, we would go into it mentally prepared. This situation developed unexpectedly at a time when we were already tired out from that whole face swelling and turning blue episode. If liver surgery continues to be an option for him, we will do exactly what you suggest. Figure out what his stressors will be and try to prepare for them before going in.


Thanks

jen2012

I don't have anything

I don't have anything beneficial to add...everyone has great advice.  I can appreciate how hard it is to make time for yourself, but can you get a massage when Steve gets his?   A friend stopped over for coffee last week and it was really nice...maybe helps that she is a therapist and knows how to listen and know what to say and not to say?  I haven't opened up to her completely, but I know she's there if I need to.     I wish you were closer Chels - I would insist on a cup of tea every week so we can decompress together a little!

I read a book last night!   My first one since the book I finished in August...while waiting for my husband to get out of ct scan, pet scans, etc.    It was kind of nice -  find a book and just get lost in it for a few minutes a day.

I do think Steve would benefit from having a stranger to open up to.   Skype sounds like a great idea if you can work that out.   I always think that the infusion centers need to add more benefits - like a therapist to talk to while you are sitting there.   Maybe hand massages.  Something beneficial to help pass the time for the patient. 

Chelsea71

jen2012 said:

I don't have anything

I don't have anything beneficial to add...everyone has great advice.  I can appreciate how hard it is to make time for yourself, but can you get a massage when Steve gets his?   A friend stopped over for coffee last week and it was really nice...maybe helps that she is a therapist and knows how to listen and know what to say and not to say?  I haven't opened up to her completely, but I know she's there if I need to.     I wish you were closer Chels - I would insist on a cup of tea every week so we can decompress together a little!

I read a book last night!   My first one since the book I finished in August...while waiting for my husband to get out of ct scan, pet scans, etc.    It was kind of nice -  find a book and just get lost in it for a few minutes a day.

I do think Steve would benefit from having a stranger to open up to.   Skype sounds like a great idea if you can work that out.   I always think that the infusion centers need to add more benefits - like a therapist to talk to while you are sitting there.   Maybe hand massages.  Something beneficial to help pass the time for the patient. 

You know it's funny how I can
You know it's funny how I can spill my guts here with you guys but, like you, I would not completely open up to a friend. The idea of talking to a professional one on one makes me uncomfortable, as well. I would feel very nervous. Funny, I can post all kinds of personal stuff on the Internet for the whole world to see, but I'm uncomfortable sitting down for a conversation with a professional. Go figure. I guess I must appreciate talking to people who are going through the same issues. It's too bad your not closer. Weekly tea would be nice. So would weekly wine.

Have a good weekend.

lilacbrroller

jen2012 said:

I don't have anything

I don't have anything beneficial to add...everyone has great advice.  I can appreciate how hard it is to make time for yourself, but can you get a massage when Steve gets his?   A friend stopped over for coffee last week and it was really nice...maybe helps that she is a therapist and knows how to listen and know what to say and not to say?  I haven't opened up to her completely, but I know she's there if I need to.     I wish you were closer Chels - I would insist on a cup of tea every week so we can decompress together a little!

I read a book last night!   My first one since the book I finished in August...while waiting for my husband to get out of ct scan, pet scans, etc.    It was kind of nice -  find a book and just get lost in it for a few minutes a day.

I do think Steve would benefit from having a stranger to open up to.   Skype sounds like a great idea if you can work that out.   I always think that the infusion centers need to add more benefits - like a therapist to talk to while you are sitting there.   Maybe hand massages.  Something beneficial to help pass the time for the patient. 

infusion center and spa..

hand massages.....  wow!  that would be wonderful.  Or my feet in a warm foot bath..   dim lights, the scent of jasmine, and me wearing a thick terry robe. maybe cucumber slices covering my eyes... 

at my old infusion center, I got hot cotton hospital blankets, refreshed periodically, which made me feel very pampered.  towards the end of my cycle I was pretty wiped out so they let me occupy the VIP suite when it wasn't taken (a bed, not a barcalounger) and i slept through the whole treatment.  I had wonderful nurses who were very caring, and a couple were very experienced in oncology nursing so they were great resources for me. 

 

(okay this has nothing to do with therapy but I was reading the thread and jumped on the idea.)

 

Glad we can be here for you Chelsea71.  everybody gets something out of this board...  even business ideas 

 

- Karin

devotion10

I hope that you will be able to seek additional support

I have a pamphlet that discusses Psycho-Oncology support and it lists some issues that confront individuals and their families when cancer is present in their lives that can be helped with counseling: anxiety and depression, emotional withdrawal, stress management, relaxation therapy, pain management, supportive counseling, insomnia, marriage and family issues, sexual issues, and body image issues.  

Once you speak with an open-minded and compassionate individual (perhaps one experienced in supporting those confronting cancer) your discomfort of speaking with a stranger about your private emotions may soften.  Feelings may flow more freely than you imagine.

The typical feelings of worry, sadness, and anger accompany any illness -- but couple that with the anxiety, isolation, loss of control, and lengthy treatments which accompany a cancer diagnosis -- can create extraordinarily intense emotions.  

Of course, professional counseling is simply one way to get support ... depending on the individual and their family ... talking to friends and extended family may suffice.  In my own situation, I have not found that to be the most satisfing because it is difficult for others to not just want to "make it all better".  Sometimes what you need, or your husband, is to just talk about how bad everything feels. Often, this is simply too much of an emotional burden for extended family and friends.

Spiritual counseling suffices for some as well and may be easily available to you at your hospital.  When my husband was having chemotherapy, a wonderful and kind hospital chaplain who was assigned to the cancer center would rove about and sometimes stop by for a chat.  Even though we did not share his spiritual views, he did not proselytize and his mere presence and kind heart were welcome.  

Complementary and integrative medicine may also be available to you as you mentioned your husband receives care at a large cancer center.  These treatments (both proven and unproven) can promote wellness and quality of life.  You can have an integrative doctor and also have an oncologist.  They simply become part of your team and collaborate to promote your well-being.  They can also help you determine what complementary treatments and supplements can be safely integrated with conventional treatment.  Social, mind-spirit, and physical aspects of health can all be explored. I would advocate for yourself and not wait for an oncology department to refer you or suggest it.  

I think you have to give yourself permission to feel any and all emotions; the trick is to not be consumed by them.  When this happens, I think the cancer wins.  Don't wait to seek additional support until everyone's emotions are so raw or health is so fragile that balance is difficult to restore.  Find ways to get as much support as you can  -- the process in itself is empowering.

Best to you and your husband. -- Cynthia

jen2012

lilacbrroller said:

infusion center and spa..

hand massages.....  wow!  that would be wonderful.  Or my feet in a warm foot bath..   dim lights, the scent of jasmine, and me wearing a thick terry robe. maybe cucumber slices covering my eyes... 

at my old infusion center, I got hot cotton hospital blankets, refreshed periodically, which made me feel very pampered.  towards the end of my cycle I was pretty wiped out so they let me occupy the VIP suite when it wasn't taken (a bed, not a barcalounger) and i slept through the whole treatment.  I had wonderful nurses who were very caring, and a couple were very experienced in oncology nursing so they were great resources for me. 

 

(okay this has nothing to do with therapy but I was reading the thread and jumped on the idea.)

 

Glad we can be here for you Chelsea71.  everybody gets something out of this board...  even business ideas 

 

- Karin

Great ideas Karin...your
Great ideas Karin...your nurses sound wonderful and caring. I think it is related to the post. Doctors understand what stress does to the body. You are stuck in that chair for hours...would be nice if they offered some destressing during that time. My husband jokes with the oncologist that he cant heal there with the nurses chasing alarms and stressed and worn out themselves...plus the alarms constantly buzzing and the hospital is under construction so its just a mess with parking etc. Would love for them to play some soft relaxing...instead of listening to jerry springer blaring from the next patients tv!
Well they did give out soft boyds bears last week...that was nice.
Yes chelsea...a wine night would be even better!