I am a cancer survivor and I just lost my mother to cancer, I'm 21

lakinmccarthy

I've walked a long road.  At age 18, in late 2009, I was diagnosed and defeated stage 2 Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  My mom took care of me everyday when I couldn't go to school or do anything fun.  She held me when I cried because my "friends" never came around to visit. On January 1st, 2012, my mom was diagnosed with multiple myloma.  She went through many treatments, ended up in a nursing home, and finally went into remission in April of 2012.  In November of 2012 my grandmother was diagnosed with incurable ovarian cancer and passed away the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.  This February, my mother told me and my 18-year-old sister that her cancer was back. The myeloma came back much more aggressive, but my parents didn't let on.  She was admitted to the hospital and contracted pneumonia from an inability to process fluids which rendered her unable to eat, take her chemo, or speak very clearly. She was also physically exhausted. Last Friday, March 8th she passed away at sunrise.  My sister and I were able to go in and tell her how much we love her and will have good lives, and we know she heard us. My heart is broken and I'm in denial. I keep thinking I'm in a dream and will wake up in bed next to her or she'll come home from a long trip.  My previous life experiences gave me strength to handle this, but I still can't fathom that she's never coming back.  She's my everything, my best friend and she holds my family together.  She was only 52. 

Has anyone else experience such a tragedy?  I need some wise words and advice.  I know it will never get easier, I will just get better at coping.  I would give anything for a hug or to hear her tell she loves me.  I miss her voice and her laugh.  Cancer is a terrible disease that needs to be stopped. 

Noellesmom

listen

Lakin, if you listen you can hear your mother's voice and laughter: if you stand still for a minute, you can feel her hug.

It is always hard to lose our mother: there is nothing easy about it especially if there is a loving relationship such as the two of you have.  I'm glad you have a sister to share memories of your mom with.

You are in the earliest stages of your grieving process but that you are seekng advice if a good sign. 

Draw strength from the courage your mom displayed and peace from the knowlege of how much she loved you, shown by her tender care of you during your illness.

Hugs from another mom to you, lakin.