Just thinking...

Marynb

horsepad said:

I think about my cancer

I think about my cancer daily.  I worry.  I am stage 4.  I have quit saying anything negative (although I think it) because people don't want to hear that.  I never talk about my cancer unless someone asks then I ALWAYS say I feel great, I'm doing great, everything is great.  Many people have said to me I could be dead tomorrow, when it's your time, it's your time BUT it's not the same as when you have cancer staring you in the face.   I believe everyone on this board has feared the future and someone who has not had a life threatening disease couldn't possibly understand that feeling of fear.   I feel like I lost my life, my husband died, I'm raising grandchildren alone, my life is gone.  Even though this sounds bad, I am not depressed.  This is my life and I will do the best I can.  I firmly believe God is at my side, his will be done is what I want, and whatever my future holds, he will be there to help me throught it. 

Horsepad
God bless you and keep you well. I know how you feel. I believe the same thing. It doesn't feel good when I lose faith,even for a day. I don't know what I would do, or how I would cope, if I didn't believe that God was by my side. It is on days when I forget this, that I feel so alone. You are blessed with having grandchildren, although I do know how hard it is to raise children alone. You are very brave and strong!

LaCh

mp327 said:

horsepad

I agree that unless someone has experienced a life-threatening disease they can't possibly understand the fear that someone who has had cancer has.  While it's true that we are all "terminal" from the first day of our lives, nothing brings that to light more than getting a diagnosis of cancer.  I never think when I get in my car to drive somewhere that I will not return, but every day, at least in the far corners of my mind, I realize that I may have only dodged the cancer bullet for a period of time, which is unknown at this point.

You are a woman of courage, strength and unwavering faith--I greatly admire that! 

thoughts

As many people as there are in the world there that many responses to a situation shared in common. We're a diverse species if nothing else. I don't feel like I dodged a bullet and never thought that I was going to die.  I neither fear death nor invite it, hope it isn't around the corner but feel ready for it if it's ready for me.  I don't think about the cancer and am having biopsies when the time is right to satisfy my gastroenterologist, not to satisfy myself because I assume that the cancer is cured. Popular ideas, popular attidudes?  No, probably not, but as usual, I'm the rare duck.  In some ways, it leave some ways it leaves me with no one to talk to because my experience of the situation is different from most other people's. 

eihtak

LaCh said:

thoughts

As many people as there are in the world there that many responses to a situation shared in common. We're a diverse species if nothing else. I don't feel like I dodged a bullet and never thought that I was going to die.  I neither fear death nor invite it, hope it isn't around the corner but feel ready for it if it's ready for me.  I don't think about the cancer and am having biopsies when the time is right to satisfy my gastroenterologist, not to satisfy myself because I assume that the cancer is cured. Popular ideas, popular attidudes?  No, probably not, but as usual, I'm the rare duck.  In some ways, it leave some ways it leaves me with no one to talk to because my experience of the situation is different from most other people's. 

more thoughts....

How dreadfully boring would this life be if we were all the same and all went along with the most popular ideas! We love you and welcome your rare duckiness!

LaCh

eihtak said:

more thoughts....

How dreadfully boring would this life be if we were all the same and all went along with the most popular ideas! We love you and welcome your rare duckiness!

eihtak

thanks... you make me laugh.

NYinTX

horsepad said:

I think about my cancer

I think about my cancer daily.  I worry.  I am stage 4.  I have quit saying anything negative (although I think it) because people don't want to hear that.  I never talk about my cancer unless someone asks then I ALWAYS say I feel great, I'm doing great, everything is great.  Many people have said to me I could be dead tomorrow, when it's your time, it's your time BUT it's not the same as when you have cancer staring you in the face.   I believe everyone on this board has feared the future and someone who has not had a life threatening disease couldn't possibly understand that feeling of fear.   I feel like I lost my life, my husband died, I'm raising grandchildren alone, my life is gone.  Even though this sounds bad, I am not depressed.  This is my life and I will do the best I can.  I firmly believe God is at my side, his will be done is what I want, and whatever my future holds, he will be there to help me throught it. 

thinking horsepad

You may well be perfectly rational and justified in your fear if you are raising your grandchildren alone.......I would also be trying to figure out how to provide for my grandchildren if something should happen to me......that is indeed a formidable issue but there must be a solution. How old are they? Do you have any extended family? I am grateful that I only have a 27 yr old son, and although he is still confused, he is on his own and I need not worry.....would it help if you sought some professional help with figuring out possible future scenarios for your grandchildren?