grievance

nicoleleann3595

Hello, my name is Nicole. I am 17 years old and have recently lost my mother to Cholangiocarcinoma. my mother was diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma in june of 2010 at the age of 48. she has n experimental survery up atthe university of kentucky.after  27 days of battling recovery and relearning to walk they sent her home. she began a swift recovery and was soon back on her feetwithin six months. after receiving chemo and radiation from january to marchof 2011 they told her that every 3 months they would do a pet scan to check and make sure that what little cancer was left in the liver was gone. my momwasa strong woman,she helped keep my father in check while helping and doing as much as she could formy two brothers and myself (13, 17,  and 30 years of age now) and then began to help raise my brothers 5 and 1 year old children. then in april of 2012 they told my mother that she had cancer. two four cm tumors in her ovaries. they also concluded that the january petscan was misread and she had cancer then also. ( now im not stupid, but two four cm tumors dont appear out of nowhere) this doctor did nothing to help, only make things worse. gave her a paracenteses which caused infection in her upper stomach cavity, started her on chemo treatments, which along with the infection ate at all her white blood cells, and gave her chemo pills that only did worse with the use of prilosect she was told to take. finally after multiple hospitilizations she was ready to give up in june of 2012. now that she has passed i take care of the family. i have not ever had the chance to grieve. i dont know how and quite frankly i am clueless on how to because i cannot have my family hurting. any advice?

robin345

grieving

Hi Nicole

I think each person grieves in their own way in their own time.  Taking care of the the family doesn't leave you much time and to be only 17.  You are a very strong and courageous young person to do this. 

You may want to go off to a private place away from everyone to let your emotions go when no one is there.  My husband has stage 4 liver cancer  and for me since his diagnosis I talk to God when I'm alone in my car.  I do not show him the emotions I feel, I stay strong for him, just as you are staying strong for the family.  But when I am alone I let these emotions go.  I take visine to cover the redness from crying and re-apply my mascara and make-up.

I also started a journal that I call my Dear Lord journal.  I write down my thoughts, feelings and my gratitude for the small things in life.

Right now you may overwhelmed with day to day activities.  Sometimes keeping busy is helpful. 

I understand you not wanting to hurt your family or bringing them down.  Do take a little time for yourself, don't be afraid to ask others for help. 

Do what you feel is best, remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

IF you feel the need to talk send me your email and I will be glad to converse with you.  My heart goes out to you, as I am a mom to 2 daughters, 25 and 28.  I can't imagine them being in your situation, but we never know what life is going to bring. 

Take care,

Robin