Newly diagnosed IDC, 62 years old and terrified

dianehelen

Hi

I am in just total despair and disbelief. I found a lump in my left breast, had it checked out, and found out its Ductal Cancer, HER2+ as well as ES+ and PR+. The treatment plan is sentinel node dye injection, next Sunday, then 12/3 lumpectomy, followed by chemo, radiation , and a year of herceptin and five years of some hormone receptor drug.

I am just terrified of it all, but specifically, at this moment, about the dye injection. I have seen various comments on how painful it is, and varying degrees of if it can or cannot be numbed first.

Then Im terrified of surgery, and anesthesia. I had a very bad wake up experience 30 years ago, and ever since have been paralyzed with fear about any surgery. To add to my fears , I am also overweight, and worried how that will play into all of this.

Then of course the fact that I was not lucky enough to escape chemo has me just freaked out.

I have not stopped crying for about a week and have no idea how Im going to get thru this next crap hole of a year.

Any input or help or encouragement, or info anyone can offer would be greatly appreciated.

Im just so sad, and scared and worried... and those feelings are so not like me, but I feel my life as I knew it is over, and a whole new sad scary life has begun.

Thanks for listening
Diane

New_Path

I am as scared as you are.
I am as scared as you are. I was just diagnosed last Wed. Will have surgery on Dec 17. So fast..scary and sad. So far I have been numb, no tears, no feelings at all. Joined this site yesterday after spending a few hours reading the posts.

Please stay strong.

New_Path

I am as scared as you are.
I am as scared as you are. I was just diagnosed last Wed. Will have surgery on Dec 17. So fast..scary and sad. So far I have been numb, no tears, no feelings at all. Joined this site yesterday after spending a few hours reading the posts. I am also 62 years old.

Please stay strong.

dianehelen

New_Path said:

I am as scared as you are.
I am as scared as you are. I was just diagnosed last Wed. Will have surgery on Dec 17. So fast..scary and sad. So far I have been numb, no tears, no feelings at all. Joined this site yesterday after spending a few hours reading the posts. I am also 62 years old.

Please stay strong.

Everyone keeps telling me to
Everyone keeps telling me to stay strong. I have no idea what that even means. I'm just falling apart :-(

I have never in my 62 years felt anything close to this level of fear and sadness.

Ugh

All the best to you newpath (what is your first name), you seem to have better coping skills than i do

Sdawells

I am so sorry to hear of
I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. Sadly so many of us are in the same position. I know it is hard not to think the worst, but remember that positive thoughts go a long way. As far as the dye injection goes I have to say that mine was almost painless. I have never been "needle shy" and really had not researched the procedure ahead of time. I have heard others have not been so lucky as far as the pain but I wish for you an easy procedure like mine was. Try to keep positive and remember that so many people, some you don't even know are praying for you and sending well wishes your way. When you need to cry, cry, when you need to be angry, be angry, but don't forget to smile and laugh. Best thoughts to you

VickiSam

dianehelen said:

Everyone keeps telling me to
Everyone keeps telling me to stay strong. I have no idea what that even means. I'm just falling apart :-(

I have never in my 62 years felt anything close to this level of fear and sadness.

Ugh

All the best to you newpath (what is your first name), you seem to have better coping skills than i do

Hello, my new 'Sisters in PINK' ..
Sorry that the two of you have to come on the journey that none of us wanted to be on. Allow yourself time to absorb the information that is being given to you; take someone with you if possible to hear when you can't possibly absorb it all.

The waiting is really one of the hardest part of this journey for me. Once you have a treatment plan in place, things will start to go a lot faster. So please .. please make sure you take someone, or a tape recorder with you when you are speaking with your Oncologist -- information is lost, or misconstrued. Ask questions and do not leave until you are comfortable with what is YOUR' body.

We on this board know about the waiting and the myriad of emotions one goes through -- so let us wait with you. Post whenever you feel the urge and we'll keep you company. I think at this point it is easy to get overwhelmed with all the new things happening in your life. It might help to take things one step and one day (sometimes even one hour) at a time. Get your results, talk to your doctor, give yourself some time to digest, etc. We are here to support you.


If you are hesitant about anything, get a second opinion as soon as possible. I did not feel confident with my general surgeon. so I located a Breast Cancer Specialist and knew immediately he was the Doctor for me. I did get a second opinion when it came to chemotherapy, as well..

Anyway, you are both well on your way, take a deep breathe, and scream! We will be there for you every step of the way.

Strength, Courage and HOPE for a Cure.

Vicki Sam

abrub

You've just entered a terrifying world
However, tho you can't believe me yet, you will resume breathing, and your life will settle down. We understand the feeling of your head spinning out of control, and that in particular, when the lights go out at night, the brain turns on.

That said, Breast Cancer is more treatable than ever, although getting through treatment is not easy.

Regarding fears about surgery and anesthesia - I was so terrified that when I had to have throat surgery for removal of a parathyroid gland, I chose to do it under local. Everyone thought I was crazy. A few years later, my hysterectomy was done under a spinal. I've subsequently had 2 huge abdominal surgeries relating to my appendix cancer that were done under general, and having discussed my concerns, I found that it was not the nightmare I had expected.

I just had a lumpectomy (tho no lymph nodes were removed), and the dr used sedation and local, like you'd have for a colonoscopy. I was also very clear with the anesthesiologist about my fears and concerns, and he took those into account in how he handled my case. (A fear of vomiting made him add extra anti-nauseants; a concern about particular drugs had him avoid them.)

I don't know about pain with the sentinel node dye injection - I didn't have that, as my lumpectomy was diagnostic (needle core biopsies couldn't reach the masses.) I had a benign outcome.

Somehow, you will get through this. We do. We learn of strengths that we didn't know we had. The spinning you are in right now will slow down, and you will resume living. Life may be changing, but that happens anyway. We've just had the addition of the major slam of cancer.

Believe it or not, you will handle things well. I got through my year of hell (see http://csn.cancer.org/node/188600.) You will get through yours.

Alice

dianehelen

VickiSam said:

Hello, my new 'Sisters in PINK' ..
Sorry that the two of you have to come on the journey that none of us wanted to be on. Allow yourself time to absorb the information that is being given to you; take someone with you if possible to hear when you can't possibly absorb it all.

The waiting is really one of the hardest part of this journey for me. Once you have a treatment plan in place, things will start to go a lot faster. So please .. please make sure you take someone, or a tape recorder with you when you are speaking with your Oncologist -- information is lost, or misconstrued. Ask questions and do not leave until you are comfortable with what is YOUR' body.

We on this board know about the waiting and the myriad of emotions one goes through -- so let us wait with you. Post whenever you feel the urge and we'll keep you company. I think at this point it is easy to get overwhelmed with all the new things happening in your life. It might help to take things one step and one day (sometimes even one hour) at a time. Get your results, talk to your doctor, give yourself some time to digest, etc. We are here to support you.


If you are hesitant about anything, get a second opinion as soon as possible. I did not feel confident with my general surgeon. so I located a Breast Cancer Specialist and knew immediately he was the Doctor for me. I did get a second opinion when it came to chemotherapy, as well..

Anyway, you are both well on your way, take a deep breathe, and scream! We will be there for you every step of the way.

Strength, Courage and HOPE for a Cure.

Vicki Sam

Thanks Vicki
I live in
Thanks Vicki

I live in Orlando fl, where i guess I'm lucky to have the first and only sister facility of the well respected tx based MD Anderson cancer center. So i think I'm in good hands.

That said, I'm still in sheer terror over it all

My husband has been good so far, going to appointments with me trying and to be supportive.

Thanks for your caring words

Diane

dianehelen

Sdawells said:

I am so sorry to hear of
I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. Sadly so many of us are in the same position. I know it is hard not to think the worst, but remember that positive thoughts go a long way. As far as the dye injection goes I have to say that mine was almost painless. I have never been "needle shy" and really had not researched the procedure ahead of time. I have heard others have not been so lucky as far as the pain but I wish for you an easy procedure like mine was. Try to keep positive and remember that so many people, some you don't even know are praying for you and sending well wishes your way. When you need to cry, cry, when you need to be angry, be angry, but don't forget to smile and laugh. Best thoughts to you

Thank you
I hope mine goes
Thank you

I hope mine goes as well as yours. The surgeon did the biopsy in his office and while not fun, it was not unbearable

dianehelen

abrub said:

You've just entered a terrifying world
However, tho you can't believe me yet, you will resume breathing, and your life will settle down. We understand the feeling of your head spinning out of control, and that in particular, when the lights go out at night, the brain turns on.

That said, Breast Cancer is more treatable than ever, although getting through treatment is not easy.

Regarding fears about surgery and anesthesia - I was so terrified that when I had to have throat surgery for removal of a parathyroid gland, I chose to do it under local. Everyone thought I was crazy. A few years later, my hysterectomy was done under a spinal. I've subsequently had 2 huge abdominal surgeries relating to my appendix cancer that were done under general, and having discussed my concerns, I found that it was not the nightmare I had expected.

I just had a lumpectomy (tho no lymph nodes were removed), and the dr used sedation and local, like you'd have for a colonoscopy. I was also very clear with the anesthesiologist about my fears and concerns, and he took those into account in how he handled my case. (A fear of vomiting made him add extra anti-nauseants; a concern about particular drugs had him avoid them.)

I don't know about pain with the sentinel node dye injection - I didn't have that, as my lumpectomy was diagnostic (needle core biopsies couldn't reach the masses.) I had a benign outcome.

Somehow, you will get through this. We do. We learn of strengths that we didn't know we had. The spinning you are in right now will slow down, and you will resume living. Life may be changing, but that happens anyway. We've just had the addition of the major slam of cancer.

Believe it or not, you will handle things well. I got through my year of hell (see http://csn.cancer.org/node/188600.) You will get through yours.

Alice

Thanks for your kind words
Thanks for your kind words and helpful info

I meet the anesthesiologist Friday, I'll be sure to let him know my fears

New_Path

dianehelen said:

Everyone keeps telling me to
Everyone keeps telling me to stay strong. I have no idea what that even means. I'm just falling apart :-(

I have never in my 62 years felt anything close to this level of fear and sadness.

Ugh

All the best to you newpath (what is your first name), you seem to have better coping skills than i do

Stay strong to me is to
Stay strong to me is to focus in the future. In this case look at what I can do to help myself to improve some bad times. In that vein, today I will have my hair cut and color then tonight my plans are to research what vitamins and foods to eat now to maybe strength my body to go through the next few months. With this philosophy I have beaten high blood pressure and the beginnings of diabetes. Did not need high blood pressure medicine after a year of start taking it and reduced my sugar count dramatically.

I know this is not going to be beaten by changing a diet and exercising. Hopefully I can keep the same mind set as this journey begins. Ugh...ugh..ugh a thousand times.

My name is Ana Maria and I am in Georgia. I trust my doctor/surgeon, she did a lumpectomy 9 years ago. Recuperated immediately.

New_Path

VickiSam said:

Hello, my new 'Sisters in PINK' ..
Sorry that the two of you have to come on the journey that none of us wanted to be on. Allow yourself time to absorb the information that is being given to you; take someone with you if possible to hear when you can't possibly absorb it all.

The waiting is really one of the hardest part of this journey for me. Once you have a treatment plan in place, things will start to go a lot faster. So please .. please make sure you take someone, or a tape recorder with you when you are speaking with your Oncologist -- information is lost, or misconstrued. Ask questions and do not leave until you are comfortable with what is YOUR' body.

We on this board know about the waiting and the myriad of emotions one goes through -- so let us wait with you. Post whenever you feel the urge and we'll keep you company. I think at this point it is easy to get overwhelmed with all the new things happening in your life. It might help to take things one step and one day (sometimes even one hour) at a time. Get your results, talk to your doctor, give yourself some time to digest, etc. We are here to support you.


If you are hesitant about anything, get a second opinion as soon as possible. I did not feel confident with my general surgeon. so I located a Breast Cancer Specialist and knew immediately he was the Doctor for me. I did get a second opinion when it came to chemotherapy, as well..

Anyway, you are both well on your way, take a deep breathe, and scream! We will be there for you every step of the way.

Strength, Courage and HOPE for a Cure.

Vicki Sam

Hello, my new 'Sisters in PINK'..
Thank you, your post means a lot!

2Floridiansisters

Hello Dianehelen
It's okay to be scared and to cry, we've all been there. It really does get better with every day that passes. I had that sentinel node dye injection, I had the wire placement, I've done chemo and radiation, I never felt one single bit of pain when I had to have that dye in me. It took about 40 minutes and then I was sent home, the following morning I had that wire put in place, never felt anything. Maybe I was just lucky or perhaps the doctor is good at what he does, I just want to let you know sometimes some of us never feel nothing. I think you'll be fine. Like you I was over weight at the time, since then I've lost all most 40 pounds, I've been determined to just take better care of myself. I wish you well.

dianehelen

2Floridiansisters said:

Hello Dianehelen
It's okay to be scared and to cry, we've all been there. It really does get better with every day that passes. I had that sentinel node dye injection, I had the wire placement, I've done chemo and radiation, I never felt one single bit of pain when I had to have that dye in me. It took about 40 minutes and then I was sent home, the following morning I had that wire put in place, never felt anything. Maybe I was just lucky or perhaps the doctor is good at what he does, I just want to let you know sometimes some of us never feel nothing. I think you'll be fine. Like you I was over weight at the time, since then I've lost all most 40 pounds, I've been determined to just take better care of myself. I wish you well.

Thank you, that was very
Thank you, that was very encouraging. Where in Florida are you? What is the wire? I was not told anything about that, just the dye and the scans following.

dianehelen

2Floridiansisters said:

Hello Dianehelen
It's okay to be scared and to cry, we've all been there. It really does get better with every day that passes. I had that sentinel node dye injection, I had the wire placement, I've done chemo and radiation, I never felt one single bit of pain when I had to have that dye in me. It took about 40 minutes and then I was sent home, the following morning I had that wire put in place, never felt anything. Maybe I was just lucky or perhaps the doctor is good at what he does, I just want to let you know sometimes some of us never feel nothing. I think you'll be fine. Like you I was over weight at the time, since then I've lost all most 40 pounds, I've been determined to just take better care of myself. I wish you well.

Thank you, that was very
Also, how was your experience with chemo etc.

survivorbc09

dianehelen said:

Thank you, that was very
Thank you, that was very encouraging. Where in Florida are you? What is the wire? I was not told anything about that, just the dye and the scans following.

Hi DianeHelen! I had a
Hi DianeHelen! I had a lumpectomy and also had the wire placed in me prior to the surgery so the surgeon would know where the lump was exactly. It was ultrasound guided for placement. It didn't hurt as they numbed me first and all I felt was one tiny prick of a needle. I don't know if everyone has the wire placed, so, I don't know if you'll have one or not. You should have been told if you are going to. I had no chemo, but, had radiation treatments. Why did they say you need chemo already if they haven't checked your lymph nodes? Wishing you good luck!


Hugs, Jan

PatFried

dianehelen
I have just recently gone through all that faces you. I too was terrified, scared, mad, and every emotion you can think of. I have never prayed so much and so hard my whole life. I had my lumpectomy on October 19. I will have my port put in on Tuesday and start chemo soon after in December. (Merry Christmas right?!?) I literally took One step at a time. I tried not to think past the next test or procedure.
I have read and read and read the posts on this web site. It is a wonderful source of information but sometimes you just need to stop reading because it becomes overwhelming. When I had the dye injection I felt very little. It was not painful at all for me. I also thought my life would never be the same. It won't be the same but I have to remain as positive as I can.

dianehelen

survivorbc09 said:

Hi DianeHelen! I had a
Hi DianeHelen! I had a lumpectomy and also had the wire placed in me prior to the surgery so the surgeon would know where the lump was exactly. It was ultrasound guided for placement. It didn't hurt as they numbed me first and all I felt was one tiny prick of a needle. I don't know if everyone has the wire placed, so, I don't know if you'll have one or not. You should have been told if you are going to. I had no chemo, but, had radiation treatments. Why did they say you need chemo already if they haven't checked your lymph nodes? Wishing you good luck!


Hugs, Jan

Oh ok. Well t they know
Oh ok. Well they know exactly where the lump is, i found it, is close to the surface do maybe i don't need that

They said i needed chemo because the tumor size is t2 and is her2+ es+ and pr+,,

Thanks for letting me know

dianehelen

PatFried said:

dianehelen
I have just recently gone through all that faces you. I too was terrified, scared, mad, and every emotion you can think of. I have never prayed so much and so hard my whole life. I had my lumpectomy on October 19. I will have my port put in on Tuesday and start chemo soon after in December. (Merry Christmas right?!?) I literally took One step at a time. I tried not to think past the next test or procedure.
I have read and read and read the posts on this web site. It is a wonderful source of information but sometimes you just need to stop reading because it becomes overwhelming. When I had the dye injection I felt very little. It was not painful at all for me. I also thought my life would never be the same. It won't be the same but I have to remain as positive as I can.

Pat, so you are just a bit
Pat, so you are just a bit ahead of me on this crappy journey. I know everyone is different, but I'll be following you r progress
All the best to you

Diane

dianehelen

PatFried said:

dianehelen
I have just recently gone through all that faces you. I too was terrified, scared, mad, and every emotion you can think of. I have never prayed so much and so hard my whole life. I had my lumpectomy on October 19. I will have my port put in on Tuesday and start chemo soon after in December. (Merry Christmas right?!?) I literally took One step at a time. I tried not to think past the next test or procedure.
I have read and read and read the posts on this web site. It is a wonderful source of information but sometimes you just need to stop reading because it becomes overwhelming. When I had the dye injection I felt very little. It was not painful at all for me. I also thought my life would never be the same. It won't be the same but I have to remain as positive as I can.

Wierd forum, it duplicates
Wierd forum, it duplicates posts. No way to delete them

JanPat

Find your own ways of coping
There is no doubt that you are facing one of the most frightening times of you life, if not the most frightening. I am not going to sugar coat it and tell you that it is no big deal because there are probably going to be some days ahead that are rough. However, you will be doing yourself a favor if you find simple little ways to help you cope. I was diagnosed with Stage IIB last December and had a lumpectomy on December 16th followed by chemo and radiation. My daughter made one of the glasses that you can place your own picture in with pictures of my grandsons and I took that glass with me to every chemo treatment. It was hard not to find a smile when I could see their beautiful little faces. I also bought a pair of fun socks for each one of my treatments. They brought a smile to the staff's face as well as mine. Most importantly, I made sure I had someone with me that loved me at every treatment. It's okay to be afraid and most definitely okay to cry but you can do this and there are a whole bunch of us that will be praying for you and cheering you on!