8 year A.L.L. Survivor and still suffer from it every day...

slc20_10

In 2004, at the age of 12, I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. I underwent a bone marrow transplant in 2005 and am thrilled to say it was successful and I have been cancer free ever since. The problem is, I still can't get away from it. When I was diagnosed, I was 5'7" and 110 lbs. During treatment, I gained 60 lbs and entered puberty. This left me with strstchmarks literally all over my body. Now, 8 years later, I am the same height (the chemo stunted growth) and weigh 113 lbs. However, I now have drooping breasts and extra skin EVERYWHERE! It always looks like my jeans are 2 sizes to small in my waist because of the "muffin top", but in reality, its just skin. I work out and eat well, but nothing helps. I am so uncomfortable with myself. In addition, i have had both hips replaced due to AVN and have recently been diagnosed with the same disease in my knee. I have very crooked teeth that i cannot afford to have straightened. Simply smiling is uncomfortable.I am so sick of not feeling "normal". I dont want to forget what i went through, it made me a better person. But I also dont want to see it every time i get dressed or look in a mirror. I feel like i left my body when i was diagnosed and have never found my way back. I want out of this strangers body! I know these issues seem petty compared to what i went through and what many of you or your loved ones are currently facing (God bless). I just am looking for support i guess and to know if anyone else feels the same or similar. I just want to feel like "me" again. Its been 8 years; I think its about time.