Treatment ended, but I'm scared and really down

StruTanToot

Marynb said:

LiveStrong at the Y!
Strut, the LiveStrong foundation runs a 12 week program at the YMCAs around here. They are free of charge, meet twice a week, have yoga, endurance and strength training.mall are cancer survivors and you will meet people very kind people there. You may not be ready to try it yet. Just thought I would mention it as a possibility. It gives you a full 12 week Y membership free of charge.

This is great info...thanks
This is great info...thanks so much for telling me about it. I'm going to check it our right away!

StruTanToot

mp327 said:

Tim McGraw--
He sang the song Mary mentioned--"Live Like You Were Dying." It's a great song and a tribute to his dad. You can find the video on You Tube.

I heard him sing that song a
I heard him sing that song a few weeks ago on TV...a lot of celebrities were helping to raise money to fight cancer. The words are so true and I'm going to try to keep those words in my mind everyday.

StruTanToot

Marynb said:

StruTan
Hi Stru,

I am lucky enough to live on a bay and I so understand your desire to be near the ocean. There is something so healing about the water and at night I sit on my deck and hear the sounds of the buoys clanging and it makes me feel so at peace. I have a dock and I actually sit on a dock on the bay watching the time slip away...lol. You need to take time to heal and nurture yourself and think about the life that you want to live from now on. Visualize it. I did a major rethinking of my life, reevaluated relationships, and am now refocusing my career so that all my days are as happy as I can make them. If not now, when? No more putting things off for me.

People have disappointed you and just could not give you what you needed and deserved as a fellow human being. You see their shortcomings. You will forgive them, understand that they just don't get it, and find new relationships with people who do. I really think that once you are healed, you will attract other people who have the same appreciation for life and love. Like attracts like. Don't worry, you will have new and deeper relationships because you will have grown so much from surviving this nightmare. There is a country song.....can't remember who sings it or all the words but something about getting the chance to live like you are dying and loving deeper. So true, for me. I have not taken the leap into dating but I am more appreciative of the people who remain in my life.

I hope you find a nice peaceful spot to heal and breathe in the salt air! You deserve it! All will be well! It really will!


Hugs,

Mary

You description of the ocean
You description of the ocean and its seemingly healing properties have convinced me that I need to make arrangements to go for a few days.

Thank you too for the encouragement in finding new relationships...I really want and need to do that.

And hugs to you too!

7243

StruTanToot said:

Thank you for the
Thank you for the encouragement and suggestions. I will check out the Duke Center for Living. I'm a member of a gym, but it only has exercise equipment. I think I want to join the YMCA in order to have access to all kinds of exercise classes, including yoga. I think I'll feel better once I can get back to the gym.

Thank you too for reminding me about a good diet. I want to start incorporating some super foods into my diet. It looks like I'm finally going to have to start cooking. I really don't cook, so it will be something new for me.

Thank you again...your words and support have given me a good boost and have made me feel really good.

Be strong Stru
Hang in there Stru ... you're really going "through" the process as there is no way "around" it. Keep going strong and weak as you need to be ... if we avoid the difficulty ... we only have to go back and do it again in some way.

The beach is wonderful ... especially the somewhat quiet ones like Topsail way on the end ... there is a place called Serenity Point (now isn't that just what you need??)... lovely townhomes right on the point; private and secluded. See if you can get one of those on the cheap at the last minute??

You are not alone ... the center for living at Duke is a terrific resource and if you haven't met a gal by the name of Tracy Berger ... seek her out for some "free" counseling. There is a program at Duke supported by a family who lost their daughter to cancer ... they gave a huge donation so cancer patients and survivors don't have to pay for counseling. Call the cancer center and ask for her .... just a thought!

Many positive thoughts your way right this moment. xoxoxo

Marynb

StruTanToot said:

You description of the ocean
You description of the ocean and its seemingly healing properties have convinced me that I need to make arrangements to go for a few days.

Thank you too for the encouragement in finding new relationships...I really want and need to do that.

And hugs to you too!

Strut
Hi. I think you better put of your healing stay at the ocean.....sounds like hurricane Sandy is headed up the east coast! You sure don't need that.

Re. Songs. I may have gotten corny since I have had cancer, but I try to find a song a day to motivate me. Today's song is by Bruno Mars, "Today my Life Begins". Check it out on youtube. I know I sound like a teeny bopper and I have no idea why a woman my age resorted to music to get me through this...but i have had a song of the day since my diagnosis! Lol. Check out that song! Catchy little tune I have been humming all day.

Hang in there, and batten down the hatches!

Mary

Porter

StruTanToot said:

Thank you for your
Thank you for your wonderfully kind words and suggestions. Most of all, I want to thank you and everyone else for understanding. I guess one has to go through it in order to be able to understand it.

I have felt better today, and I know it's kind of a roller coaster as far as emotions go right now. I don't know why, but there have been times when I wake up in the middle of the night and just totally lose it and cry like a baby. I wake up my little dog and hold her in my arms, and she tries to lick the sorrow away. That happened last night.

Things are getting better though. Physically, I feel the best today since treatment ended. I have very little discomfort and don't seem quite as tired. So...as much as I complain, I am grateful that things appear to be on the upswing. I guess it's the emotional part I have to face now.

I face it with wonderful people from this site who understand. I really mean it when I say you mean the world to me.

Emotions post treatment
Hi Stru
Like you I'm post treatment too. (7 mos now) A couple weeks ago I was really fighting my emotions. I wondered how can I be feeling like this? I should be happy, physically I feel great. I'm normally not an emotional person so it was unusual. I think this is a very common thing for us. I've been able to work out of it with exercise, yoga, meditation. Just yesterday I had a friend of mine, a fellow Reiki master, take me through a guided healing meditation. Processing the traumatic treatment we've been through takes time. We have to be patient with ourselves. Right after treatment ended I felt I had PTSD. I couldn't think about going back to my doctors for3- 4 months. It really helped when i could share my experience and support to someone in the middle of treatment and having a terrible time. I've been able to work through the most of this through vacation via journaling, writing, talking with good friends and painting.

A couple of months ago I found this great quote that I want to share with you.

"Surround yourself with people that are outrageously optimistic. Flock with others who are truly, madly and deeply in love with life. Move in the company of kindred spirits who build you up and give you wings to fly." By soul seeds

It gets better and through this process we find our friends that matter the most. Hugs to you and your little dog.
Porter

mp327

Porter said:

Emotions post treatment
Hi Stru
Like you I'm post treatment too. (7 mos now) A couple weeks ago I was really fighting my emotions. I wondered how can I be feeling like this? I should be happy, physically I feel great. I'm normally not an emotional person so it was unusual. I think this is a very common thing for us. I've been able to work out of it with exercise, yoga, meditation. Just yesterday I had a friend of mine, a fellow Reiki master, take me through a guided healing meditation. Processing the traumatic treatment we've been through takes time. We have to be patient with ourselves. Right after treatment ended I felt I had PTSD. I couldn't think about going back to my doctors for3- 4 months. It really helped when i could share my experience and support to someone in the middle of treatment and having a terrible time. I've been able to work through the most of this through vacation via journaling, writing, talking with good friends and painting.

A couple of months ago I found this great quote that I want to share with you.

"Surround yourself with people that are outrageously optimistic. Flock with others who are truly, madly and deeply in love with life. Move in the company of kindred spirits who build you up and give you wings to fly." By soul seeds

It gets better and through this process we find our friends that matter the most. Hugs to you and your little dog.
Porter

Porter--
Thank you for sharing this wonderful quote. It is so true, this is what we all need to do.

I hope you are doing well.

kirby77

mp327 said:

Porter--
Thank you for sharing this wonderful quote. It is so true, this is what we all need to do.

I hope you are doing well.

strut dodn't stop moving and taking some action
smile and go thru the motions. It hurts, it's not authentic. But the response you will get may be just the right word, that can pull you back.

I am swamped right now, and don't know how I can get to the end since returning to work. I just have to put one foot in front of the other and hope I dont' **** my pants.

If I do, then, I'll clean it up.

Personal life, my **** feels like it will never feel the same, I am sexless eunuch. The most I've done is give a little snuggle to my honey. and he moaned in appreciation.

Keep moving, don't give up. If you do, start again the next day.

Kirby

StruTanToot

Porter said:

Emotions post treatment
Hi Stru
Like you I'm post treatment too. (7 mos now) A couple weeks ago I was really fighting my emotions. I wondered how can I be feeling like this? I should be happy, physically I feel great. I'm normally not an emotional person so it was unusual. I think this is a very common thing for us. I've been able to work out of it with exercise, yoga, meditation. Just yesterday I had a friend of mine, a fellow Reiki master, take me through a guided healing meditation. Processing the traumatic treatment we've been through takes time. We have to be patient with ourselves. Right after treatment ended I felt I had PTSD. I couldn't think about going back to my doctors for3- 4 months. It really helped when i could share my experience and support to someone in the middle of treatment and having a terrible time. I've been able to work through the most of this through vacation via journaling, writing, talking with good friends and painting.

A couple of months ago I found this great quote that I want to share with you.

"Surround yourself with people that are outrageously optimistic. Flock with others who are truly, madly and deeply in love with life. Move in the company of kindred spirits who build you up and give you wings to fly." By soul seeds

It gets better and through this process we find our friends that matter the most. Hugs to you and your little dog.
Porter

Thank you so much for the
Thank you so much for the words of encouragement, and I love the quotation.

I just don't understand why I feel do down...I thought I was doing better, but the last couple of days have been kind of bad. Even the smallest thing seems to overwhelm me.

I KNOW I need to count my blessings and have a positive outlook. Seems that is easier said than done though. I realized today that I have felt worse (emotionally) after treatment than I did before or during treatment.

Anyway...my thanks to all of you for your support and understanding. Thank you too for sharing your experiences with me. It is nice to know that what I'm going through is not abnormal or "crazy."

It's just one of the battles in this war, and I intend to win both.

sephie

StruTanToot said:

Thank you so much for the
Thank you so much for the words of encouragement, and I love the quotation.

I just don't understand why I feel do down...I thought I was doing better, but the last couple of days have been kind of bad. Even the smallest thing seems to overwhelm me.

I KNOW I need to count my blessings and have a positive outlook. Seems that is easier said than done though. I realized today that I have felt worse (emotionally) after treatment than I did before or during treatment.

Anyway...my thanks to all of you for your support and understanding. Thank you too for sharing your experiences with me. It is nice to know that what I'm going through is not abnormal or "crazy."

It's just one of the battles in this war, and I intend to win both.

hugs to you
hey, i get down a lot and i am over 3 years post tx. but still deal with side effects. i went on a lovely vacation but could not get moving as fast as everyone else and felt like a burden... i just do the best i can. your feelings are normal. sephie

Marynb

StruTanToot said:

Thank you so much for the
Thank you so much for the words of encouragement, and I love the quotation.

I just don't understand why I feel do down...I thought I was doing better, but the last couple of days have been kind of bad. Even the smallest thing seems to overwhelm me.

I KNOW I need to count my blessings and have a positive outlook. Seems that is easier said than done though. I realized today that I have felt worse (emotionally) after treatment than I did before or during treatment.

Anyway...my thanks to all of you for your support and understanding. Thank you too for sharing your experiences with me. It is nice to know that what I'm going through is not abnormal or "crazy."

It's just one of the battles in this war, and I intend to win both.

Strut
Just know that you will surely have ups and downs for awhile and that is ok. It will get better. You have been through so much and there are much better days ahead! When the bad days come, don't be surprised. I hope you are eating well and getting your nourishment. As your eating gets bak to normal, your body will rebuild and help you feel better overall. Now is the time to really baby yourself with good meals that you can digest. Also, a multivitamin. You got through it and one step at a tiime, you will get through the aftemath!

Hugs. Mary