I cannot go through with it.

Hello everyone. My name's Rachel. I am a 27 year old Mother of 2 beautiful babies, and was recently diagnosed in August with stage 1C Cervical Cancer. They said because of the size of the tumor, that they would rather do External radiation, Chemo, and internal radiation as well. Well as of now, I've got about 2 weeks left of external, 2 chemo treatments, and 3 more internal radiations. Haven't really had many complaints, but I am going to my Oncologist tomorrow because, I've all of a sudden gone into a deep depression over the internal radiation. I am normally a positive, very open minded, funny person. I see the bright side of everything.. but the anxiety and terror I experience with the internal radiation is overwhelming. I really cannot focus on my healing because of it. I don't like going under, I don't like not being able to move after the surgery for over an hour, I get so scared laying in a bed in so much pain from the device and I just cannot do it. Will I not recover from my Cancer if I don't finish my internal? I mean, if I continue it I may develop other serious illnesses. I am now dealing with high blood pressure, having to take anxiety meds,, and everything else since I started the surgeries. Like I said, I've had two already. That with the 6 weeks of external radiation and chemo.. I haven't slept for days over it. Something in my gut is telling me to just drop the remainder surgeries and just complete the rest of my treatment. If anything else, the tumor at least has gotten smaller and I can just have a hysterectomy at the beginning of the year if needed. I'm not against that surgery, because the chemo and radiation have already killed my ovaries and thrown me into menopause. Basically I just meed some advice, comfort, words of wisdom. I am young and terrified. My family has wayy too much going on to talk with them about it. Have you been here? Have any of you refused a certain type of treatment and were still cured? I am just looking for a little peace of mind if you wouldn't care. Thanks so much for your time :)


  • Aeyden
    Aeyden Member Posts: 2
    Hi! It's been 21 days after
    Hi! It's been 21 days after my last internal radiation and I guess I need counseling...the burning sensation after I pee is something out of this world. The burns i have in my Labia is too stressful and painful because they keep sticking to each other and I tried to seperate them everyday and it really hurts like hell then I put the dilator for about 20 mins another painful part..i do this since two weeks from my last IR and then just yesterday I cannot seperate my Labia anymore it's like I have no Vagina and I was freaking out, I've been crying the whole day, i never cried like this when I knew i had a cancer and with my external radiation and chemo but the external radiation is killing me but I have to do that since my doctor Advice me so that the cancer cell will be killed. I'm happy and funny person but in this time it's hard to smile. But just trust in the Lord he will help us get through this.