Some colonoscopy humor....

lizdeli Member Posts: 569 Member
Is there anything humorous about colonoscopies. Just a little. I had my second one since diagonsis. Had it done in Colorado, was glad I didn't have to fly to Houston for that one. Former MD Anderson colleague of my doctors did it. Last time I was out cold. This time he tells me I'll be awake. I'm like "Are you crazy? I don't want to see this stuff"! He laughs and says "keep your eyes closed and don't worry you won't feel anything". Okay so I keep my eyes closed. For 10 seconds. Then I'm watching the whole thing on the screen. I'm a little loopy but I remember everything. He tells me "Your colon looks young and beautiful". I say " Can you make the rest of me look that way?" He says "Well you need a different doctor for that". Then I'm questioning every spot on the screen. "What's that" Is that cancer". He says "I thought you didn't want to look at it". I say, "I changed my mind". He laughs and sweetly answers my questions. Then I ask him, "Can you do me a favor and on the way out make a pit stop where my tumor was". He's still laughing but says sure. So then we get into a conversation about the "spot". Of course I want to know if he sees any cancer there. He says no, nothing but scar tissue and some fibrosis. Loopy Liz then wants an explanation of fibrosis which he provides. We finish, they roll me out to the recovery area. I'm starving, they say wait, I say no. I tell my husband to go find me a muffin. lol I don't know where that request came from but I was craving a muffin. They tell me to eat it slow, I eat the whole thing. Doctor comes by with the report to discuss with my husband and I and says to my husband, "She can tell you everything that's on the report since we discussed it fully during the procedure" and he smiles. I'm still a little loopy so I ask the doctor if he wants some of my muffin? lol. He politely declines and then just looks at me and said it was a very interesting colonoscopy. I'll see you in 5 years or so!


  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    I love this story, Liz! How funny! Your doctor sounds like a guy with a good sense of humor. Even when they make me just a little loopy, I rarely remember things I've said or heard. I'm sure I've made a complete fool of myself once or twice!

    I do, however, remember when they were putting my port in and I was under twilight anesthesia on the table. The door to the room I was in opened and I looked up and there was my next door neighbor and good friend, a radiologist, standing beside me, all the while the interventional radiologist was working on my port insertion. I looked at the interventional radiologist and said "I guess you guys let just anyone in here, eh?" Everyone broke out in laughter! About a year later, my neighbor had a party at his house and we were all to dress as celebrities. I chose to dress like Cindy Lauper, however, I looked more like a cheap hooker. Guess who I ran in to at the party? The interventional radiologist! He remembered me (blush) and my first thought was that this guy has only seen me twice--once butt naked and once dressed as a call girl! LOL!
  • z
    z Member Posts: 1,414 Member
    Hello Liz, That is funny and you do have a good dr to take the time to explain everything, and I'm sure this gives you piece of mind. I am allowed to have my next one in 3 or 5 years, the dr gave me a choice. I'll decide at the 3 year mark what I want to do.

    Great news! I wish you continued great news. Lori
  • Dog Girl
    Dog Girl Member Posts: 100
    waking up during a colonoscopy

    A similar thing happened to me during my colonoscopy/biopsy when I was first dx. I woke up and saw my tumor on the screen. Of course I didn't feel any pain, but I did feel pressure/movement (sort of like when at the dentist and numbed, but of course the other end :)) and I said "I'm awake here!". Well no one said anything, so in a little bit I said "I'm still seeing this." I'm guessing it was the nurse (since my dr. should have been otherwise preoccupied) came up and patted me on my shoulder. Then they must have given me some more sleepy juice because the next thing I knew I was in recovery.

    My dr. said that it was an "ugly" tumor (like there are pretty tumors??) and had a lot of necrotic areas to it. (I remember seeing black areas), so I know he was working to get a good biopsy and since it was taking longer I guess that is why I woke up. Most of the time when they tell me to pull my knees up toward my chest I just say "Night night" and that is it until recovery.

    A few years before dx I had to have an anal fissure repaired on an outpatient basis (yes, I've had all kinds of luck with my hiney hole. My whole family has suffered from Hemmoroids, fistulas, etc.... and my doctor said we probably just have bad genes down there), and when the anes. dr. came back to talk to me beforehand, I just told him I wanted to be out before I went hiney high on the operating break table. He laughed and said he could do that and fortunately I don't remember any of that. Versid (sp?) is a wonderful drug.
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    Biggest congrats!

    AZANNIE Member Posts: 445 Member
    Congrats on your great news! That was a funny story!

  • greene
    greene Member Posts: 11

    that was great! I thought you might appreciate these:
    1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'

    2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

    3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

    4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

    5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

    6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

    7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

    8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

    9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

    10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

    11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

    12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

    And the best one of all:
    13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'