More on Anal Cancer, HPV, and Gay Men

kirby77

I am a cross over from the anal cancer board. Which is very supportive and symptom focused. Many very brave women discuss everything from vaginal stenosis to painful intercourse. A few men discuss erectile dsyfunction, no one has discussed anal sex after recovering from anal cancer. Is it possible, or am I forever forbidden from bottoming again? I've basically just started treatment, 3 weeks in, another 4 to go. But is there hope, I have a very caring and supportive partner? Both men and women often have anal and vaginal stenosis, women usually use progressive vaginal dilators. No one has discussed this taboo topic of anal sex after recovery.
Forgive me for asking such a question, when so there are so many more important issues and complexities to living with cancer.

StruTanToot

I'm from the anal cancer
I'm from the anal cancer board as well and recognize your name from there. I've wondered the same thing and actually thought about asking you. I couldn't figure out how to send a private email though, and I wouldn't post that question for all to see on that board.

My best friend's partner is a doctor (general practitioner). I'll tell my friend to ask. He might know something.

You mention you have a very caring and supportive partner. That is wonderful. I don't have a partner, and now I wonder more than ever if I will have one. Like you also, I'm HIV+ and now have anal cancer. I'm trying my best, but I feel like "damaged goods." Note too that gay men don't seem to post much on this board. I posted something about anal cancer and no one responded.

Let me know if you find out anything and I will do the same. All the best.

cureitall66

StruTanToot said:

I'm from the anal cancer
I'm from the anal cancer board as well and recognize your name from there. I've wondered the same thing and actually thought about asking you. I couldn't figure out how to send a private email though, and I wouldn't post that question for all to see on that board.

My best friend's partner is a doctor (general practitioner). I'll tell my friend to ask. He might know something.

You mention you have a very caring and supportive partner. That is wonderful. I don't have a partner, and now I wonder more than ever if I will have one. Like you also, I'm HIV+ and now have anal cancer. I'm trying my best, but I feel like "damaged goods." Note too that gay men don't seem to post much on this board. I posted something about anal cancer and no one responded.

Let me know if you find out anything and I will do the same. All the best.

Hi there...
I wasn't sure if you knew that you have to "friend" that person first to send them a message. Once they have seen that you requested the friends, you can then private message them by going to your "CSN HOME" above and see under "Discussion Board" the mail options.

I hope you get the answers you are looking for. I don't think you should feel like you can't ask your doctor such personal questions. Myself, as a female, even feel a little awkward asking my female practitioner some questions...but, that's what I pay her for is honest/educated answers. Period. Take an opposite sex friend with you that you are close and trust to go as an extra ear and maybe that doctor may feel he owes an honest and educated answer to you both. I was only thinking of this because of the lack of information you think you might get from the doctor....just my own thoughts.

God Bless you with your road to recovery. Thoughts and prayers for you both. Don't ever feel like you can't express yourself on the boards. Freedom of speech. If you start first...maybe others in your same position will feel the comfort to respond.

Cureitall66

kirby77

cureitall66 said:

Hi there...
I wasn't sure if you knew that you have to "friend" that person first to send them a message. Once they have seen that you requested the friends, you can then private message them by going to your "CSN HOME" above and see under "Discussion Board" the mail options.

I hope you get the answers you are looking for. I don't think you should feel like you can't ask your doctor such personal questions. Myself, as a female, even feel a little awkward asking my female practitioner some questions...but, that's what I pay her for is honest/educated answers. Period. Take an opposite sex friend with you that you are close and trust to go as an extra ear and maybe that doctor may feel he owes an honest and educated answer to you both. I was only thinking of this because of the lack of information you think you might get from the doctor....just my own thoughts.

God Bless you with your road to recovery. Thoughts and prayers for you both. Don't ever feel like you can't express yourself on the boards. Freedom of speech. If you start first...maybe others in your same position will feel the comfort to respond.

Cureitall66

Thanks Stru and Cureit for responding to anal sex after cancer
I have not asked any of my providers the anal sex question after recovery from anal cancer. Mostly because it seems like I am putting the cart before the horse and I want to focus my time with them on the present.

But being hopeful, that I will return to a normal life after cancer, sex and intimacy are on my mind. I am sure it is for most humans both gay and straight.

I plan to see a colorectal doc I have known for years after my recovery, he is not treating me now because of insurance contracts. He sees a lot of gay men in his practice, and I am sure, would be helpful advising me. I saw him for hemorrhoids over the years, he was very comfortable with letting me know when I could have sex again and was very sex positive about it.

Thank you Cureitall, for the encouragement to express all question and issues. It is difficult in some forums to feel ok with it. It's likely just me. I hope this particulary forum will provide some advice too.

StruTanToot

kirby77 said:

Thanks Stru and Cureit for responding to anal sex after cancer
I have not asked any of my providers the anal sex question after recovery from anal cancer. Mostly because it seems like I am putting the cart before the horse and I want to focus my time with them on the present.

But being hopeful, that I will return to a normal life after cancer, sex and intimacy are on my mind. I am sure it is for most humans both gay and straight.

I plan to see a colorectal doc I have known for years after my recovery, he is not treating me now because of insurance contracts. He sees a lot of gay men in his practice, and I am sure, would be helpful advising me. I saw him for hemorrhoids over the years, he was very comfortable with letting me know when I could have sex again and was very sex positive about it.

Thank you Cureitall, for the encouragement to express all question and issues. It is difficult in some forums to feel ok with it. It's likely just me. I hope this particulary forum will provide some advice too.

Yes, cureitall...thank you
Yes, cureitall...thank you for your support and encouragement and understanding.

My friend asked his partner, who is a doctor, about anal sex after radiation. The doc said that one might need to use a dilating device, but one will be able to have anal sex. Now I've asked him about these dilating devices.

Kirby...I thought the same thing, that it's too early to think about that. At the same time, it's normal and natural. In a way, it's nice to look ahead to the time we are through treatment and are, not back to "normal," but BETTER than EVER!

I'll keep you posted on what I find out and you please do the same. Thanks to for telling me how to email someone.