I'm new here. My mom is a neck cancer survivor.

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Hi everyone. I'm new here. My name is Erica. My mom was diagnosed with neck cancer earlier this year and just finished up her 35 rounds of radiation about 4 weeks ago. She also had 2 rounds of chemotherapy. This has been a very rough journey, made worse by my sister causing so much drama over things that aren't important. As I caregiver, I felt like coming here would in some way help.

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  • ditto1
    ditto1 Member Posts: 660
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    Welcome
    yes this is a tough journey and it needs a family working together not apart so hopefully that issue will resolve itself. For now take care of mom she will need it. Im 2 weeks out of base of tongue cancer/ multiple lymphnodes. 33 Rads and 11 Chemos. Doing fairly well. This is a great site for help, advice or just hand holding if thats all you need as we always say, sorry you had to come here but its a great place.
  • hwt
    hwt Member Posts: 2,328 Member
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    welcome
    Sounds as if your Mom has the most difficult part of her journey behind her. About 5 weeks after treatment I started to get my energy back and really started feeling like my old self again week 6. Being the caregiver can sometimes be harder than being the patient. Don't let your sister's drama cause you to lose sight of your purpose.

    Candi
  • EricaA
    EricaA Member Posts: 33
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    ditto1 said:

    Welcome
    yes this is a tough journey and it needs a family working together not apart so hopefully that issue will resolve itself. For now take care of mom she will need it. Im 2 weeks out of base of tongue cancer/ multiple lymphnodes. 33 Rads and 11 Chemos. Doing fairly well. This is a great site for help, advice or just hand holding if thats all you need as we always say, sorry you had to come here but its a great place.

    Thanks
    I'm glad to hear that you're doing well. I doubt that issue with my sister resolves itself unfortunately. It's just upsetting me so much because my mom doesn't need this stress, but we don't have anybody else to really help us. I have medical problems myself and with my mom's recovery going so well, I don't want any setbacks. It's nice to have support like this though.
  • EricaA
    EricaA Member Posts: 33
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    hwt said:

    welcome
    Sounds as if your Mom has the most difficult part of her journey behind her. About 5 weeks after treatment I started to get my energy back and really started feeling like my old self again week 6. Being the caregiver can sometimes be harder than being the patient. Don't let your sister's drama cause you to lose sight of your purpose.

    Candi

    Thank you
    We're trying not to let the drama get to us. My mom is doing good but her energy isn't back up like it should be yet. She can't afford to go to physical therapy which she needs. But I'm trying to do some exercises at home with her. She also had reaction to some medication and it caused her cheek, tongue and gums to swell. She went to the ER last night, but she's doing much better now. I'm glad to hear that you're doing good.
  • tommyodavey
    tommyodavey Member Posts: 727 Member
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    EricaA said:

    Thank you
    We're trying not to let the drama get to us. My mom is doing good but her energy isn't back up like it should be yet. She can't afford to go to physical therapy which she needs. But I'm trying to do some exercises at home with her. She also had reaction to some medication and it caused her cheek, tongue and gums to swell. She went to the ER last night, but she's doing much better now. I'm glad to hear that you're doing good.

    Caretaker
    EricaA,

    Your Mom is so lucky to have you as her caretaker. Feel free to ask any questions you might have about her condition and we'll do our best to answer.

    Tommy
  • EricaA
    EricaA Member Posts: 33
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    Caretaker
    EricaA,

    Your Mom is so lucky to have you as her caretaker. Feel free to ask any questions you might have about her condition and we'll do our best to answer.

    Tommy

    Thanks!
    Thanks Tommy
  • hwt
    hwt Member Posts: 2,328 Member
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    EricaA said:

    Thank you
    We're trying not to let the drama get to us. My mom is doing good but her energy isn't back up like it should be yet. She can't afford to go to physical therapy which she needs. But I'm trying to do some exercises at home with her. She also had reaction to some medication and it caused her cheek, tongue and gums to swell. She went to the ER last night, but she's doing much better now. I'm glad to hear that you're doing good.

    Super Thread
    If you click on the HNC Super Thread you might find some solutions, menus and exercises to help. An easy one that worked well for me was to sit up shoulders straight and look up, hold to count of 10, look down count to 10, same to left and right. Then tilt head like trying to touch ear to shoulder for count of 10. Remember shoulders straight.
  • EricaA
    EricaA Member Posts: 33
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    hwt said:

    Super Thread
    If you click on the HNC Super Thread you might find some solutions, menus and exercises to help. An easy one that worked well for me was to sit up shoulders straight and look up, hold to count of 10, look down count to 10, same to left and right. Then tilt head like trying to touch ear to shoulder for count of 10. Remember shoulders straight.

    Thank you
    Thanks. I'll definitely check that out.
  • Billie67
    Billie67 Member Posts: 898
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    EricaA said:

    Thank you
    Thanks. I'll definitely check that out.

    sweet Erica
    Thank goodness for daughters like you. I too had and have the support of my family and I couldn't imagine how I would have made it thru without their help. I'm sorry your sister is causing drama but it sounds like you are doing your best to shut that out.

    I am now 9 weeks out and feeling much much better. By 5 weeks I started to feel like me. By 6 weeks I had lots more energy and taking a shower no longer felt like running a marathon. I would get out of the shower before that and have to sit wrapped up in towels because I didn't have the energy to get dressed right away. Drying my hair was even harder. but all that gets much better.

    Please come back here often and check in with us or ask any questions that you or your mom may have and with all of us here, we are sure to be able to help.
    Good luck you and your mom, this is a crazy bumpy ride but so worth the fight in the end.
    take care,
    Billie
  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,723 Member
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    tough times
    Hi Erica,

    Time to change the locks on the doors or move (just kidding). Some people are just a pain in the rear and they don’t even know it. It amazes me how determined the difficult and insensitive siblings can be.

    No matter what, stay the course and take care of your Mom (like you have). I am glad she seems to have survived the treatments in pretty good shape. Usually, it is the cancer patient that learns what is important in life; it looks like you picked up on it too. Bless you.

    Best,

    Matt
  • EricaA
    EricaA Member Posts: 33
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    Billie67 said:

    sweet Erica
    Thank goodness for daughters like you. I too had and have the support of my family and I couldn't imagine how I would have made it thru without their help. I'm sorry your sister is causing drama but it sounds like you are doing your best to shut that out.

    I am now 9 weeks out and feeling much much better. By 5 weeks I started to feel like me. By 6 weeks I had lots more energy and taking a shower no longer felt like running a marathon. I would get out of the shower before that and have to sit wrapped up in towels because I didn't have the energy to get dressed right away. Drying my hair was even harder. but all that gets much better.

    Please come back here often and check in with us or ask any questions that you or your mom may have and with all of us here, we are sure to be able to help.
    Good luck you and your mom, this is a crazy bumpy ride but so worth the fight in the end.
    take care,
    Billie

    Thanks
    Thank you. I'm glad to hear that you're doing better as well.
  • EricaA
    EricaA Member Posts: 33
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    CivilMatt said:

    tough times
    Hi Erica,

    Time to change the locks on the doors or move (just kidding). Some people are just a pain in the rear and they don’t even know it. It amazes me how determined the difficult and insensitive siblings can be.

    No matter what, stay the course and take care of your Mom (like you have). I am glad she seems to have survived the treatments in pretty good shape. Usually, it is the cancer patient that learns what is important in life; it looks like you picked up on it too. Bless you.

    Best,

    Matt

    Thanks
    It's amazes me too when I see people like my sister doing everything they can to make life difficult for others, but me and my mom are trying to maintain. It would be great if we could go on a vacation some time soon because God knows we need it!

    Bless you too and thanks.
  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
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    Welcome Erica...
    Sorry about your mother Erica, but she sounds to have a great asset...you as her caregiver.

    That in itself is huge toward her recovery...., especially running interference of any un-needed drama and stress.

    It's a slow process where she is right now... Improvements noticed more in weeks and months instead of days and weeks...

    But little by little, the good days will overtake the bad.

    Best,
    John
  • EricaA
    EricaA Member Posts: 33
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    Skiffin16 said:

    Welcome Erica...
    Sorry about your mother Erica, but she sounds to have a great asset...you as her caregiver.

    That in itself is huge toward her recovery...., especially running interference of any un-needed drama and stress.

    It's a slow process where she is right now... Improvements noticed more in weeks and months instead of days and weeks...

    But little by little, the good days will overtake the bad.

    Best,
    John

    Encouraging
    Thanks for the encouraging words. I try to remind myself everyday that this is a process, and that I have to be patient.
  • ToBeGolden
    ToBeGolden Member Posts: 695
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    Welcome
    You are very welcome and I hope the boards can help. I often say that the caregiver suffers as much as the patient. So take care of yourself. Rick.
  • VanessaSLO
    VanessaSLO Member Posts: 283
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    Welcome
    You are very welcome and I hope the boards can help. I often say that the caregiver suffers as much as the patient. So take care of yourself. Rick.

    Hey Erica!
    Welcome to this board. I'm so glad your mom is already out of this and is doing well. Let it stay this way! What was her diagnosis?

    It is also really hard for caregivers, because we suffer really bad because we just want our loved ones to be ok. Emotionally it is sometimes probably even harder.

    My mom is caregiver to my dad who was diagnosed with oropharyngeal cancer (primary base of tongue with multiple lymph nodes involved) in May this year. He is in the middle of treatments, slowly coming to an end (11 more rads out of 35) and 1 or 2 chemos.
    I don' live with them and am 70 miles away... But I got all the necessary info here and am passing it to them every day.

    This desease made us so much closer.. So close that in October they're moving closer to me, to my city. We're selling their house so this year has really been emotionally hard. But on the other way also very life changing, because we realized how much we mean to each other.

    My mom and dad also have nobody around to give them real emotional support. They only have me and my husband and 3-year grandaughter. That's why they're moving closer to me because there is nothing more important in life than family and love.
  • Mikemetz
    Mikemetz Member Posts: 465 Member
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    EricaA said:

    Thanks
    It's amazes me too when I see people like my sister doing everything they can to make life difficult for others, but me and my mom are trying to maintain. It would be great if we could go on a vacation some time soon because God knows we need it!

    Bless you too and thanks.

    Welcome, and hang in there
    I'm glad you found our little community earlier than I did. I was two years post-treatments, and could have used the support and connections at the same point you are on this journey. Everyone here knows how important the primary caregiver is, in so many ways. It's too bad you have to divert so much energy away from your mother to deal with your DQ (drama queen) sister, but hang in there and keep making your decisions based on what your mother needs. But, at the same time be sure to take care of yourself--get enough sleep, eat well, get some exercise, and most of all find ways to insert a little humor when you can.

    Mike
  • Kent Cass
    Kent Cass Member Posts: 1,898 Member
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    Hey Erica!
    Welcome to this board. I'm so glad your mom is already out of this and is doing well. Let it stay this way! What was her diagnosis?

    It is also really hard for caregivers, because we suffer really bad because we just want our loved ones to be ok. Emotionally it is sometimes probably even harder.

    My mom is caregiver to my dad who was diagnosed with oropharyngeal cancer (primary base of tongue with multiple lymph nodes involved) in May this year. He is in the middle of treatments, slowly coming to an end (11 more rads out of 35) and 1 or 2 chemos.
    I don' live with them and am 70 miles away... But I got all the necessary info here and am passing it to them every day.

    This desease made us so much closer.. So close that in October they're moving closer to me, to my city. We're selling their house so this year has really been emotionally hard. But on the other way also very life changing, because we realized how much we mean to each other.

    My mom and dad also have nobody around to give them real emotional support. They only have me and my husband and 3-year grandaughter. That's why they're moving closer to me because there is nothing more important in life than family and love.

    Erica
    Yes, welcome. And tell your Mom it just takes awhile for things to get healed in this 2nd chance at life she's got going-on. Wealth of knowledge amongst us on how to deal with specific physical and mental issues that are real to us H&N Survivors, so don't hesitate to throw at us specifics that your Mom is having trouble with. Superthread is full of solutions, and one or more of us can personally vouch for a number of them. Hopes and Prayers that her recovery is as good as mine has been, and bless you for all the help you have giver her.

    kcass
  • Tim6003
    Tim6003 Member Posts: 1,514 Member
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    Kent Cass said:

    Erica
    Yes, welcome. And tell your Mom it just takes awhile for things to get healed in this 2nd chance at life she's got going-on. Wealth of knowledge amongst us on how to deal with specific physical and mental issues that are real to us H&N Survivors, so don't hesitate to throw at us specifics that your Mom is having trouble with. Superthread is full of solutions, and one or more of us can personally vouch for a number of them. Hopes and Prayers that her recovery is as good as mine has been, and bless you for all the help you have giver her.

    kcass

    Welcome Erica..
    Sorry you had to find out group ..but glad too your mother is past the treatments. She is still "cooking" as they say and though it is hard, the days to better feeliung are close.

    The superthread is a great resource. This group of folks is the best! For other info you might want to look at the oral cancer foundation website as well, good info there too (however, as I said, this site is my favorite). www.oralcancerfoundation.org

    Keep us posted,

    Best,

    Tim