Question about Diagnosis

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I have a question. I see a lot of people on here that said when they were diagnosed the doctors gave them a time frame to expect to live. When my mom was diagnosed in June they did not give her a time frame ? Is this normal ? If her situation was grim would the head of oncology tell my dad and family ? I am curious because I am in constant fear that her situation is bleak and they are keeping this information from my dad. I would expect if her situation was looking bad the doctor would be obligated to inform my dad in order to get things prepared am i correct ? She is coming up on 2 months since her diagnosis and her situation has not gotten any worse.

I am somewhat of a worry wart and this has been going through my head alot lately.

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  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
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    S99
    Alot of times, the doctors will not always be so forthcoming with information - there's the liability issue, plus the fact that they don't really know exactly when things will always go a certain way or not.

    They do take cues from the patients though - and sometimes if you don't ask, they won't tell...it avoids an awkward situation and again, the issue of liability and lawsuits in a contigous society that we live in today, prevent them from just being a fountain of information.

    So, it is important to ask questions such as these - and to let the doc know that you are the type of patients and family that 'want to know.'

    And if they hem-haw around on some days, just ask them directly and politely and you'll usually get the info you need.

    It's not like they are keeping anything away from your dad - they just might not be readily volunteering any additional info - but if asked, they would probably tell you.

    Cancer doesn't kill us overnight - it took several years for it to form in the first place...and treatments do extend our lives as well....so two months, you are just getting started.

    Chemo takes time to work...it's a progressive treatment and takes time to see if there is going to be a positive response from it.

    Personally, I've been doing this for 8.2 years now, and still going strong. Currently in a remissive state, so there is some hope out there for your mom. Just take it one step at a time and give her a chance to step up and do this and see how well she does:)

    Rest your fears for the moment...the journey of a thousand miles - begins with the first steps.

    -Craig
  • Doc_Hawk
    Doc_Hawk Member Posts: 685
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    Time Frame
    One thing to remember when a doc gives a time frame is that none of us came with an expiration date tattooed on our butts. When I was first dx'd my onc told me I could live "a good, long life." And that's with Stage IV crc. A few months ago I asked my onc about how long he'd guesstimate that I had. His answer was "probably longer than I do." And he's over ten years younger. None of knows how long we have and the end can come at any time. I could very easily have gotten zapped last night during a thunder storm or I might get shot to death by a jealous husband when I'm 120 years old. That is one thing that cancer teaches us: life is precious and we should enjoy every moment of it because it's always a great day to be alive.
  • danker
    danker Member Posts: 1,276 Member
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    Doc_Hawk said:

    Time Frame
    One thing to remember when a doc gives a time frame is that none of us came with an expiration date tattooed on our butts. When I was first dx'd my onc told me I could live "a good, long life." And that's with Stage IV crc. A few months ago I asked my onc about how long he'd guesstimate that I had. His answer was "probably longer than I do." And he's over ten years younger. None of knows how long we have and the end can come at any time. I could very easily have gotten zapped last night during a thunder storm or I might get shot to death by a jealous husband when I'm 120 years old. That is one thing that cancer teaches us: life is precious and we should enjoy every moment of it because it's always a great day to be alive.

    Doc-Hawk
    Great answer" Loved your bit with the jealous husband. We should LOL
  • janderson1964
    janderson1964 Member Posts: 2,215 Member
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    Doc_Hawk said:

    Time Frame
    One thing to remember when a doc gives a time frame is that none of us came with an expiration date tattooed on our butts. When I was first dx'd my onc told me I could live "a good, long life." And that's with Stage IV crc. A few months ago I asked my onc about how long he'd guesstimate that I had. His answer was "probably longer than I do." And he's over ten years younger. None of knows how long we have and the end can come at any time. I could very easily have gotten zapped last night during a thunder storm or I might get shot to death by a jealous husband when I'm 120 years old. That is one thing that cancer teaches us: life is precious and we should enjoy every moment of it because it's always a great day to be alive.

    Great answer Doc. As far as
    Great answer Doc. As far as my case. I am on my second oncologist and second reccurence and no one ever gave me a time frame or "experation date". I don't ask either because they don't know and shouldn't pretend that they do know. I hear more stories of people living past thier so called life expectancy than not.
  • Coppercent
    Coppercent Member Posts: 158
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    Time Frame
    If you have also noticed on here, many people were given 6 months by there doctors and they are still around years later. I asked my oncologist if this cancer would kill me and he said he has no way of knowing if it will or will not. He said there are statistics but they can be scewed plus he said all our bodies are different so the treatments work differently in everyone so nothing can be predicted. He said for my diagnosis the statistics were 50/50 to make it five years. My response was great! I will be in the 50% that will be around in 5 years!
  • scared99
    scared99 Member Posts: 72
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    Time Frame
    If you have also noticed on here, many people were given 6 months by there doctors and they are still around years later. I asked my oncologist if this cancer would kill me and he said he has no way of knowing if it will or will not. He said there are statistics but they can be scewed plus he said all our bodies are different so the treatments work differently in everyone so nothing can be predicted. He said for my diagnosis the statistics were 50/50 to make it five years. My response was great! I will be in the 50% that will be around in 5 years!

    Thank you, When she was
    Thank you, When she was diagnosed the doctor asked her how long her parents lived and one of them lived to be 100, the other 98... she is 61. The doc said well chances are you will not be around that long but we can treat this and keep you around a good while. I did not know if the doctor was blowing smoke.