Missing you all ---- update

forme
forme Member Posts: 1,161 Member
Hi Dearhearts

I sure am missing you all. This has been so difficult, really knocked me down!
The pain is so debilitating and really exahusts me. Hubby has me on a tight pain meds schedual. four differnt types of strong narcotics. makes typing and just seeing, a real challenge.

I am waiting for a call from the cancer center with the time of my scan. The docs seem concerned about all the pain. Me too! So they will scan me probaly tomorrow sometime. I'll let you know.

Your support has been amazing and so comforting during all this. I thought I was such a strong woman, I've had many surgeries, rads, all sorts of treatments, etc. But this time, has shown me that I am not super woman not even close! Sometimes I feel like I cannot do this for one minute more. But then I do, I have no choice. None of us do..

I can manage the stairs okay, but hubby won't let me do them alone. To many drugs on board. I even napped outside ( about an hour)on the patio today, first time outside since the surgery. except to see the onc last week. Felt really good to be in the sun.
The weather was perfect and there was a really nice breeze.

Still am not able to eat much of anything. The pain becomes so awful after eating. I had some yogurt and a few bites of ice cream. Not really hungry, so that part is good. But losing way to much weight way to fast. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get some answers and advice. Seems like I have tried everything there is to try.

To all of you going through so much, thank you for thinking of me. I continue to send you all positive healing energy.

I know that I'll get through this, but boy oh boy is it ever a huge mountain to climb.

Hugs to all
Lisha

Comments

  • anliperez915
    anliperez915 Member Posts: 770
    You are a strong woman!!!
    Hi Dear Lisha,
    Just wanted to say that you are a strong woman! I don't think many people could go through everything that you have gone through!!! I dont know if I would have been as strong as you! I really admire you for your good heart and strength.

    Whenever you have the results from pathology please let us know. Try to eat, I really worry about you...you need all the strength you can get so you can get better faster. Sending you huge HUGS from TX. Always thinking and praying for you.

    Sincerely,
    Liz
  • onlytoday
    onlytoday Member Posts: 609 Member
    You
    Lisha,

    Have to agree with Liz -you are one strong woman!! You can do this!! I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling but sending love and prayers to help you through it. Please keep us posted on everything as you can- take care and eat whatever you possibly can.

    Praying hard that the scan is negative. Remember- we're with you every step of the way!

    Hugs,
    Donna
  • forme
    forme Member Posts: 1,161 Member

    You are a strong woman!!!
    Hi Dear Lisha,
    Just wanted to say that you are a strong woman! I don't think many people could go through everything that you have gone through!!! I dont know if I would have been as strong as you! I really admire you for your good heart and strength.

    Whenever you have the results from pathology please let us know. Try to eat, I really worry about you...you need all the strength you can get so you can get better faster. Sending you huge HUGS from TX. Always thinking and praying for you.

    Sincerely,
    Liz

    Thank you
    Dear Liz and Donna

    Just popped on since I can't sleep and saw your kind words.

    Spmetimes I just feel like I can't keep doing this, then I read words of support such as yours, and I know that I must keep trying.

    Thank you thank you for saying just the right words at just the right time. it really means so very much to me.

    Your continued loving support is so special.

    Hugs
    lisha
  • jimwins
    jimwins Member Posts: 2,107
    Hi Lisha
    Hi Lisha,

    I'm normally not up this late but was up watching the Mars rover landing
    on the Nasa channel and thought I'd check in on this site.

    I agree with everyone - you are one strong woman. I'm glad you got to
    enjoy some time outside. I'm so sorry you're still having issues with pain
    and especially after attempting to eat. I hope they have answers for you and
    you feel better soon.

    I know the mountain is tough but you have tougher boots and they're gonna
    kick some butt :).


    Hugs from my heart,

    Jim
  • forme
    forme Member Posts: 1,161 Member
    jimwins said:

    Hi Lisha
    Hi Lisha,

    I'm normally not up this late but was up watching the Mars rover landing
    on the Nasa channel and thought I'd check in on this site.

    I agree with everyone - you are one strong woman. I'm glad you got to
    enjoy some time outside. I'm so sorry you're still having issues with pain
    and especially after attempting to eat. I hope they have answers for you and
    you feel better soon.

    I know the mountain is tough but you have tougher boots and they're gonna
    kick some butt :).


    Hugs from my heart,

    Jim

    Thank you
    Jim

    Thanks for the boost..

    Super (((HUGS))) to you

    Lisha

    PS I didn't know there was a NASA channel. my neighbor across from me works at NASA...Very cool, I'll have to look for it.

    PSS About that private email, anytime in the afternoon or later, Pacific Time. Anytime after 3 PM your time.
    okay, now i am starting to ramble. sleep well my friend..
  • vinny59
    vinny59 Member Posts: 1,032
    forme said:

    Thank you
    Jim

    Thanks for the boost..

    Super (((HUGS))) to you

    Lisha

    PS I didn't know there was a NASA channel. my neighbor across from me works at NASA...Very cool, I'll have to look for it.

    PSS About that private email, anytime in the afternoon or later, Pacific Time. Anytime after 3 PM your time.
    okay, now i am starting to ramble. sleep well my friend..

    so hard
    It's got to be so hard, but you know that it will get better.. hang tough, praying for you to get better... Vinny
  • miss maggie
    miss maggie Member Posts: 929
    Update
    Dear Lisha,

    I totally agree with you Lisha. Things do happen we have no control over. What you
    have been going through is one of them. I doubt very much you will ever forget the
    last few weeks. I just hope very, very soon all this will end and become a terrible
    memory from the past.

    I am glad the doctor's are looking into the pain that has gone on too long. Today is
    Monday. Maybe today there will be some answers.

    I will be thinking of you all day today. As all the other yesterday's. Prayers and
    positive energy I send to you.

    Think of me hugging you so tight. Much love with healing evergy. Love Maggie
  • Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3
    Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3 Member Posts: 3,803 Member
    Pain Med

    Lisha,

    Do not suffer torment if more pain medicine can help you. That is, do not let hubbie, even if very well intended, be too "tight," as you mentioned. Possible addiction very often over-rides a current, urgent need, really without good reason. I was in ICU once for 25 days, and for 23 of those days I was on high-dose morphine and darvon. On day 24, they moved me cold turkey ("dc"), and I got two advil every 4 hours, and nothng else. Leaving 23 days of morphine, I never looked back, and it never bothered me. A friend had his bladder removed and was "plumbed" for a life-long bag. The incision was massive, plus he went oon chemo right after the surgery. Becuse of complications and slow healing, he was in ICU for over a month, and then acute care for two more months, and could not remember ANY of his hospital time later. But, he never had a drug problem thereafter, either. The human person has more resiliance than most people think.

    A bit of humor: I asked my oncologist how much beer is too much. He replied: "The classic definition of how much alcohol is too much is 'any amount more than the doc drinks'."

    Well, the definition of how much pain med is appropriate is "that amount that eliminates the pain," or at least renders it tolerable and managable." My doc paid no attention to how much Loritab I did, but the amount was never excessive, so I guess he had no reason to comment.

    I am not "soft" on drug use, but these are extraordinary conditions.

    Thinking of you,

    max
  • dixiegirl
    dixiegirl Member Posts: 1,043 Member

    Pain Med

    Lisha,

    Do not suffer torment if more pain medicine can help you. That is, do not let hubbie, even if very well intended, be too "tight," as you mentioned. Possible addiction very often over-rides a current, urgent need, really without good reason. I was in ICU once for 25 days, and for 23 of those days I was on high-dose morphine and darvon. On day 24, they moved me cold turkey ("dc"), and I got two advil every 4 hours, and nothng else. Leaving 23 days of morphine, I never looked back, and it never bothered me. A friend had his bladder removed and was "plumbed" for a life-long bag. The incision was massive, plus he went oon chemo right after the surgery. Becuse of complications and slow healing, he was in ICU for over a month, and then acute care for two more months, and could not remember ANY of his hospital time later. But, he never had a drug problem thereafter, either. The human person has more resiliance than most people think.

    A bit of humor: I asked my oncologist how much beer is too much. He replied: "The classic definition of how much alcohol is too much is 'any amount more than the doc drinks'."

    Well, the definition of how much pain med is appropriate is "that amount that eliminates the pain," or at least renders it tolerable and managable." My doc paid no attention to how much Loritab I did, but the amount was never excessive, so I guess he had no reason to comment.

    I am not "soft" on drug use, but these are extraordinary conditions.

    Thinking of you,

    max

    Hey
    I an so sorry you hurt so bad. I anxiously wait for news tomorrow. I am like everyone else, use the meds as intended and you'll be fine. I am thinking and sending good vibes your way.
    Love you
    Beth
  • jimwins
    jimwins Member Posts: 2,107
    dixiegirl said:

    Hey
    I an so sorry you hurt so bad. I anxiously wait for news tomorrow. I am like everyone else, use the meds as intended and you'll be fine. I am thinking and sending good vibes your way.
    Love you
    Beth

    Hey Beth
    How you doin'(mafia style accent)?

    Been thinking about you. So many on here now, I get Liz
    and Aaron mixed up (kidding of course) :).

    Hope you're "doin'" great.

    Jim
  • miss maggie
    miss maggie Member Posts: 929
    dixiegirl said:

    Hey
    I an so sorry you hurt so bad. I anxiously wait for news tomorrow. I am like everyone else, use the meds as intended and you'll be fine. I am thinking and sending good vibes your way.
    Love you
    Beth

    Worry
    Dear Beth,

    I was happy to read your post. How are you doing? I know how hard your journey has been.
    I think of you always and send my prayers your way.

    If you're not ready to post, that's OK. I understand. YOu are never far from my
    thoughts.

    Love Maggie
  • forme
    forme Member Posts: 1,161 Member

    Pain Med

    Lisha,

    Do not suffer torment if more pain medicine can help you. That is, do not let hubbie, even if very well intended, be too "tight," as you mentioned. Possible addiction very often over-rides a current, urgent need, really without good reason. I was in ICU once for 25 days, and for 23 of those days I was on high-dose morphine and darvon. On day 24, they moved me cold turkey ("dc"), and I got two advil every 4 hours, and nothng else. Leaving 23 days of morphine, I never looked back, and it never bothered me. A friend had his bladder removed and was "plumbed" for a life-long bag. The incision was massive, plus he went oon chemo right after the surgery. Becuse of complications and slow healing, he was in ICU for over a month, and then acute care for two more months, and could not remember ANY of his hospital time later. But, he never had a drug problem thereafter, either. The human person has more resiliance than most people think.

    A bit of humor: I asked my oncologist how much beer is too much. He replied: "The classic definition of how much alcohol is too much is 'any amount more than the doc drinks'."

    Well, the definition of how much pain med is appropriate is "that amount that eliminates the pain," or at least renders it tolerable and managable." My doc paid no attention to how much Loritab I did, but the amount was never excessive, so I guess he had no reason to comment.

    I am not "soft" on drug use, but these are extraordinary conditions.

    Thinking of you,

    max

    Pain meds
    Sweet Max

    I think I must have been unclear in my words. You are so right about the meds, but what I was trying to say didn't come out right.
    So sorry for that.

    Hubbie is not being "tight" with the meds. He wants me to take them round the clock to stay on top of the pain. It's me that either does not want any or feels like I am okay waiting a little longer. I just wish that I could find the right combination and or strengths to ease the intense pain. I feel like I have tried everything. I know that I have not..

    True pain rarely leads to addiction, it may lead to dependance, but that can easily be delt with if necessary. So, hubby and I are not worried about addiction, all we care about right now, is to find the best meds to bring me some relief.

    I did take 2 of the dilaudid today at the same time. Up till that point, I had only been taking one at a time. I felt that since I would be moving and walking more (going to get scan) it might make a difference. It did! Still had constant pain, but it was not as horrible as it has been. Hooray.

    What I really want is to just have some peaceful painfree moments, long moments..

    Thank you so much for your caring and concern. It's the hope and the care given by others that gets us through to the next hard thing we have to do.

    I hope you are still doing great and I feel blessed to know you and everyone on this great board.

    Hugs to you Max
    Lisha
  • Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3
    Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3 Member Posts: 3,803 Member
    forme said:

    Pain meds
    Sweet Max

    I think I must have been unclear in my words. You are so right about the meds, but what I was trying to say didn't come out right.
    So sorry for that.

    Hubbie is not being "tight" with the meds. He wants me to take them round the clock to stay on top of the pain. It's me that either does not want any or feels like I am okay waiting a little longer. I just wish that I could find the right combination and or strengths to ease the intense pain. I feel like I have tried everything. I know that I have not..

    True pain rarely leads to addiction, it may lead to dependance, but that can easily be delt with if necessary. So, hubby and I are not worried about addiction, all we care about right now, is to find the best meds to bring me some relief.

    I did take 2 of the dilaudid today at the same time. Up till that point, I had only been taking one at a time. I felt that since I would be moving and walking more (going to get scan) it might make a difference. It did! Still had constant pain, but it was not as horrible as it has been. Hooray.

    What I really want is to just have some peaceful painfree moments, long moments..

    Thank you so much for your caring and concern. It's the hope and the care given by others that gets us through to the next hard thing we have to do.

    I hope you are still doing great and I feel blessed to know you and everyone on this great board.

    Hugs to you Max
    Lisha

    Hug

    I felt the hug. The best I've had in a while !

    max