anyone have college age kids home for summer?

sdukowitz
sdukowitz Member Posts: 250
in Breast Cancer #1
My college age kids are driving me crazy .... lots of disrespect wont do chores and being plain rude .... ages 18 and 20 both have summer jobs but the rudeness is so stressful .....
Any hints in dealing with this? My severe hot flashes arent helping they think i am making them up! SUE D

Comments

  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #2
    If they both have summer
    If they both have summer jobs maybe you can give them some choices. Do the chores, pay rent or even ask them if they would be happier if they got a room in a hotel for the summer. These aren't children anymore, they are young adults and they need to behave as adults. Many young people on on their own and independent at this age. They need to realize that they have a responsibility to act as responsible members of the family. I think that for many young college studnets coming home for the summer, they feel they are grown ups but they don't always act as such. As far as their thinking you are making up the hot flashes, point them to an online site that discusses this. I am sure they are both computer saavy so they can read all about them. I don't mean to sound harsh but I think that with all you are going through they need to realize that they are not the center of the universe, right now you are. My daughter was a college student when I went through my 1st cancer and she rose to the occasion and did everything she could to be supportive and helpful. Not everyone does and then it is up to us to tell them what we expect and just like when they were little tell them that there will consequences. Do they realize all that you have been through? I am sure with them off at college they might not realize how hard all of this is for you. And as a parent I know we hate t burden them with this but it is time for you to explain just how much you need them now to be supportive and help out around the house. Hope this helps and thta you know this advise is given with your best interests at heart. I know that telling them to get a hotel room is probably a little strong but doing the chores or paying rent is not impossible for them. As for the disrespect, is this a pattern that they have had or something new. I might say something like, "If you can't treat me with love, then at leaat treat me with courtesy".
    So sorry that you are having this problem.
    Stef
    Stef
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #3
    My college age is home but
    My college age is home but does not Board at school-she commutes...but I am extremly lucky she is very caring and considerate. IF she is grumpy she'll text me later and say sorry!

    I wish I had magic pixie dust-for you. I know how hard, frustrating and hurtful it can be with teens.

    Denise
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #4
    My college age is home but
    My college age is home but does not Board at school-she commutes...but I am extremly lucky she is very caring and considerate. IF she is grumpy she'll text me later and say sorry!

    I wish I had magic pixie dust-for you. I know how hard, frustrating and hurtful it can be with teens.

    Denise
  • sdukowitz
    sdukowitz Member Posts: 250
    #5
    We started going to
    We started going to counseing .... both individual and together and even my husband ... hopefully that will help ..... sometimes an "outsiders" view can help from a different perspective ...Sue D
  • rallendorfer
    rallendorfer Member Posts: 244
    #6
    I would rather go through chemo
    Hi friend from the cold north! Or, wait a minute, the documentaries say the ice is melting up there....hmmmmm

    I think this problem with grown kids is the most difficult one a person has to face. My kids were like that and the way that I handled it didn't work, so my advice is not good. I hope you can find some comfort and good advice from the other sisters, and that the results make you happy. I wouldn't want to go through those years again for anything.

    Let us know how the counseling goes,
    Rebecca
  • Pinky68
    Pinky68 Member Posts: 206 Member
    #7
    rallendorfer said:

    I would rather go through chemo
    Hi friend from the cold north! Or, wait a minute, the documentaries say the ice is melting up there....hmmmmm

    I think this problem with grown kids is the most difficult one a person has to face. My kids were like that and the way that I handled it didn't work, so my advice is not good. I hope you can find some comfort and good advice from the other sisters, and that the results make you happy. I wouldn't want to go through those years again for anything.

    Let us know how the counseling goes,
    Rebecca

    Daughter home from college too
    She is staying the summer with her dad who lives just one mile away....We had difficulties when she was 14-16 but much better now..At the time, I didn't handle it very well....So I guess my advice is to hang in there and know things will get better!! In hindsight, I realize I took the teenager disrespect way too personally. I wish i would have just stepped back and looked at the whole picture.
    How's Alaska? I used to live in Eagle River in the early 70's. My family shared a duplex with Sarah Palins family, they lived upstairs and us downstairs. Wow, that was a long time ago!!

    Things will get better,
    Joyce

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