My mom may have cancer and I don't know what to do and I need afvice

gwj7

I don't even know how I feel right now. Today my mom had a colonoscopy done after having some pain for a few months. Doctors found a 3cm lump and sent her for other tests. She got a cat scan and they confirmed the lump and we are still waiting to here back from things like the biopsy and whatnot. My mother is 56 years old and there is no history of colon cancer in my family. No history of anyone dying early either. I am 18 years old and I am supposed to be leaving for college in next month as a freshman.


I love my mom so much. I CANNOT imagine my life without her and thinking about it makes me feel like life doesn't matter. If my mom were to die then I honestly think I would too. I have never experienced death in my 18 years and for my mother to possibly be my first experience with it just makes me want to throw up. She doesn't deserve this.


What is the possibility of the mass not being cancerous? I don't want to make this all about me because it is not, but I seriously don't know how I can live like this. Just awaiting the news alone is killing me. I am being thrown with so many emotions and all of my future dreams don't matter anymore. How can I leave my mother's side and not be sad with this all in the back of my mind?


If this does turn out to be cancer I really don't think I am going to college in the fall. Is this foolish? I just don't think i'd be able to concentrate at all.

I ran outside to my mother after she got off the phone with her doctor and the look on her face when we made eye will haunt me forever and makes me feel sick to my stomach. I need input please! I am a wreck and I can't deal with this! My mother is so young and this shouldn't happen. Please give me and help me feel better

Thank you!

peterz54

Please don't assume the worst
I know it's difficult, but don't assume the worst. Your mother needs a complete diagnosis, and you will both need to educate yourselves to some degree to assure she has the best outcome possible. There are many people on this forum who have been living with cancer for many years and undergone various treatments and who can provide moral support as well as good answers to your more technical questions.

Help your mother stay positive. very important. make sure you get complete answers from your medical team and ask questions about anything you are not sure of.

I recommend reviewing National Comprehensive Cancer Network guidelines for patients to help you and your mother understand what you are dealing with and the basic treatment options.

scroll to colon cancer guide
NCCN Guides for Patients

Studies show that diet is very important for cancer patients as is exercise. See my post on Dr Saltz of Sloan Ketterin Cancer Center:
Diet & Exercise for Cancer Patients

If she has surgery make sure that a surgeon who specializes in colorectal surgery is involved - do not use a general surgeon. Studies show that outcomes are better when specialized surgeons are involved.

Annabelle41415

Diagnosis
It's easy and scary to get caught in the "what if's" but wait until your mom has all the info from the colonoscopy biopsy. Many people live with a diagnosis for years and lead a fairly normal life. As for your future plans you should talk with your mom, I'm sure she would want you to continue your education, but it's really up to you. Good luck with your mom and feel free to come to these boards anytime.

Kim

Vickilg

Oh Honey...
My heart broke reading your words because I have a 14 year old daughter and you sound so much like her. She even said the same thing of me not deserving this. It is a very scary time for you and your mom right now. Wait until your mom gets her results to see what the next steps will be. God willing all will be okay or at least be something she can fight through. She is young and even if this is serious please remember that many people live very long lives with cancer. A lot of people are cured (put in remission) or are treated long term like diabetes. As far as school goes, I think you need to wait and get the facts and then have a heart to heart with your mom. During my fight with cancer I have always pushed my daughter to live her life as normal and would not allow cancer to disrupt it too much. She understood if I couldn't do certain things because of being tired from chemo but those times were rare I assure you. This is just my opinion but I would encourage my daughter to go away to college. If this is something you cannot handle, then check out colleges closer to home. Your mom is lucky to have a daughter like you and you are right, she doesn't deserve this. So buckle up honey, its going to be a bumpy ride but you and your mom will get through this. You are both stronger than you realize.

Vicki

Coppercent

Don't jump to the worse scenario
Please don't jump to the worse scenario. If it were to be cancer the treatments today are so much better then they used to be. Also, keep in mind most of the people who blog on these blogs are those that have had some kind of trouble and are seeking answers. Often you will see the worse case scenario. When I was having one of my surgeries my recovering nurse asked if she could give me a hug because she had my same diagnosis 22 years ago. So you see cancer does not always mean death.

As for school, my son is attending/attended college away from where I live through my whole treatment. My advice to him was to continue on with his life. One if I live for 50 more years what a waste for him to have put off school. Second, if cancer were to eventually take my life, what an honor it would be for me to watch him graduate and know that he will have a successful life ahead of him after I am gone.

The first few days after being dianosed are the worse but it will get better after that if you and your family keep a positive attitude. After all your whole family could die in a car accident tomorrow. We are only promised today so we need to make the best of every minute.

Wishing the best of luck to your mother and your family.

YoVita

peterz54 said:

Please don't assume the worst
I know it's difficult, but don't assume the worst. Your mother needs a complete diagnosis, and you will both need to educate yourselves to some degree to assure she has the best outcome possible. There are many people on this forum who have been living with cancer for many years and undergone various treatments and who can provide moral support as well as good answers to your more technical questions.

Help your mother stay positive. very important. make sure you get complete answers from your medical team and ask questions about anything you are not sure of.

I recommend reviewing National Comprehensive Cancer Network guidelines for patients to help you and your mother understand what you are dealing with and the basic treatment options.

scroll to colon cancer guide
NCCN Guides for Patients

Studies show that diet is very important for cancer patients as is exercise. See my post on Dr Saltz of Sloan Ketterin Cancer Center:
Diet & Exercise for Cancer Patients

If she has surgery make sure that a surgeon who specializes in colorectal surgery is involved - do not use a general surgeon. Studies show that outcomes are better when specialized surgeons are involved.

NCCN Guides
are a great guide. I wish I had reviewed them early on myself. Thanks Peterz54 for alerting all to this great tool.

YoVita

Coppercent said:

Don't jump to the worse scenario
Please don't jump to the worse scenario. If it were to be cancer the treatments today are so much better then they used to be. Also, keep in mind most of the people who blog on these blogs are those that have had some kind of trouble and are seeking answers. Often you will see the worse case scenario. When I was having one of my surgeries my recovering nurse asked if she could give me a hug because she had my same diagnosis 22 years ago. So you see cancer does not always mean death.

As for school, my son is attending/attended college away from where I live through my whole treatment. My advice to him was to continue on with his life. One if I live for 50 more years what a waste for him to have put off school. Second, if cancer were to eventually take my life, what an honor it would be for me to watch him graduate and know that he will have a successful life ahead of him after I am gone.

The first few days after being dianosed are the worse but it will get better after that if you and your family keep a positive attitude. After all your whole family could die in a car accident tomorrow. We are only promised today so we need to make the best of every minute.

Wishing the best of luck to your mother and your family.

Good advice
Such good advice. Best of luck to you and your mom. You'll both get through this.

Lovekitties

Hi
You and your mom have had a shock and your emotions are all over the place now. Take a deep breath and try to calm youself, as you will want to show strength for your mom regardless of the diagnosis.

If it is cancer, it does not automatically mean she will die from it any time in the near future, if at all. There are many here who have continued living fairly well for many years since diagnosis.

With the mass, it is obvious that your mom will need some sort of treatment. What type of treatment will depend on the overall results of the tests being done. Waiting for test results is never easy, but something we must get through.

You don't mention your family situation. Is it just you and your mom? Are there other close family members or very good friends nearby?

If you can, wait for the diagnosis and recommended treatment plan before considering changing your plans to start college. If it looks like your mom will need you physically close by during treatment, then there are other options to let you continue your education, which I am certain is important to your mom.

At 18 you are young to have to deal with this health crisis with your mom, but now is the time to pull yourself together and show the strength to help her.

Please keep coming back here and let us help you as we can. If it is cancer, then see if your mom will also come here. The people here have big caring hearts and will help her navigate thru this, and offer information and support.

Hugs,

Marie who loves kitties

scared99

I would not assume the
I would not assume the worst. Even if it is cancer it is not the end of the world. I have an uncle that was diagnosed with colon cancer over 15 years ago. Had his tumor removed did some chemotherapy and has never had it recur.

You have found a great site for support. My mom was diagnosed in June of this year. Stage 4 colon cancer with a rather rare met to the sacrum bone. I was a mess I could not sleep, eat, or function. During times like these you need your friends and family.

I tried to keep everything to myself when she was first diagnosed and it almost ate me alive. You need to spend time with your friends and stay on internet sites like this. Positive internet sites. Do not google cancer and look at anything on the web because everything is outdated.

tanstaafl

First aid for mCRC
My advice to my 60s wife on day #1 was to take the max dose of cimetidine and start most of the Life Extension style protocols, (a), (b), (c) mostly supplements, ASAP (style -mostly we buy cheaper brands except for "PSK", LEF's Coriolus versicolor extract). And then we added menaquinone-4, the "human form" of vitamin K2 and intravenous vitamin C. Also I found talking with LEF's nutritional medical consultants specialized in cancer very helpful, well worth the annual membership fee.

* The cancer's spread into in the mesenteric fat totally necrosed and blew away before surgery.
* The obstructing primary colon cancer shrank, doubling the open channel size.
* The para aortic lymph nodes apparently remained stable for 10 weeks, before chemo started.
* The cluster of para aortic lymph nodes did not metastasize to new sites for the 13 months before her second surgery, against all medical expectations of catastrophic spread.

Skeptics might say that's just anecdotal and tantaafl's wife was just lucky, her tumors were probably not as highly mutated and slow movers. Except I had biomarkers run on her tumors and she's punched well below the waterline in the common places for stage IV. Her CEA starts to double every 30-40 days if she's even low on chemo or some of her important supplements are missing. She behaves herself and stays on schedule. Her CEA is back to "normal" ~2.5 although I suspect her cancer free CEA is 1+- for her. We don't feel "just lucky".

Stage IV, she's in better shape than her friends, has no outstanding problems from chemo/cancer, and we're working to catch those last mets, 28 months after initial diagnosis. For a better summary, click tanstaafl or the picture.

k44454445

i am sorry to hear about
i am sorry to hear about your situation. i know your thoughts are crazy right now but it may not be cancer. one thing i do is to have a piece of paper & write all the questions i have & take to the doctor appt. Even if i am in bed, i get up & write it down. Otherwise it is too hard to remember all the questions you have when you are talking to the doctor. You are a loving daughter & we will support you no matter the diag of your Moms' tumor.
hugs
judy

Joy1216

Colon cancer is not a death sentence
Please don't assume that a colon cancer diagnosis is a death sentence. I was diagnosed with stage I colon cancer six years ago. My cancer was caught early. I had major surgery to remove the tumor but didn't have chemo or radiation. Fast forward six years. I have been NED (no evidence of disease) since my surgery in March of 06. I do have annual physicals and colonoscopies every three years. I lead a full life and you'd never know that I am a cancer survivor if I didn't tell you. So please have hope. I'll be praying for you and your mom.
Joy