Emotional/personality changes

Patteee

alexinlv said:

Thank you all for your words
Thank you all for your words of wisdom, kindness and support. I let him read this thread which he never wants to do. In some ways it made him feel better, but in other ways he stated what many have said, "just waiting for the other shoe to drop.". Also it was interesting that he said he wants things to be exactly like they were pre-diagnosis and he hates that it will never be that way. Well the good thing is that we went on a very long walk today, almost 2 hours. Many hugs, and lots of positive energy sent to all of those fighting and all of our families! xo

I was going to say, and
I was going to say, and didn't, and glad you posted to remind me! That exercise in any form is GREAT for anxiety/depression/PTSD/etc. I don't actually like exercise unless it is recreational, so walks, especially with others is a great help. Seriously, just walking and having to focus on the pace, your surroundings, whoever you are with, is a serious respite for the body and mind. I force myself to sing (in my head) songs from my childhood, or I do my own, "Dear Diary" in my head, or I have a long waited for conversation with someone (always in my head). Sometimes I get so stressed, I would walk and talk outloud and cry- and always felt better when I got home. There were many times I couldn't walk, or walk far- due to chemo and neuropathy. But I would go for rides, one of my kids or mother driving, go see the new progress at the high school, go to Red Wing or Lake City (two favorite cities of mine in Minnesota)- just to get out and get the focus off of me and onto what was going on around me. Many trips from Mayo to home, 1 hour 30 mins, someone else driving, I would watch the clock and focus on the distance between what I had just been through, like 30 mins behind me, 33 mins behind me. Watch the hills rolling toward me, marvel at the green green lushness of the land- and so on.
Good Luck Alex's husband! Hang in there, it does get better!

herdizziness

Alex
For me it's like having the apron strings cut. Here you are seeing the doctor every 3 weeks, and now for the first time in 2 1/2 years, I won't be seeing my oncologist until September. So there are the worries about whether the cancer will come back and I'll be caught unawares and so on and so on.
I decided to just forget about it, what will be will be, and I'm going to enjoy my time off from it.
But I do understand him, I think it's a fear thing, and being cut off after being so closely watched by ones oncologist can be at the least unsettling.
My best to you both, and here's hoping that things will settle down for him soon, I know it's rough on both of you.
Winter Marie

steved

What's normal?
Along this journey there are huge emotional shifts and one of the greatest challenges is deciding what is just normal emotional reactions that tend to pass and ease given time and what may represent more nhealthy emotions or 'mental health problems'. There is no clear cut off and each of us have different reactions. Certainly one of the high risk times for more pathological reactinos to occur is when all the treatments stop- it is made all the more surprising when it happens because it seems logically that this should be a time of easing emotions and positive feelings. It is not- it is a time when you adjust to stopping the 'active fight' ({treatments, scans etc) and move into the the wait and see phase which laeaes you feeling passive, impotent and at the mercy of fate. If something is going to trigger out of control anxiety it is that.
How to cope? Acknowledging and talking is great and you are obviously doing that though he is finding that harder. Talking with a professional can help enormously if he wants that. MEdication has a role particularly when the panic attacks are random and become a real limiting factor in your life- antidepressants often work well in that situation (even in the absence of depression). It is also a time when people often engage in other complementary and life style treatments as it gives a sense of still doing something active to fight the illness and this can be helpful psychologically (As well as physically).
It is easy but it is common- that still doesn't mean that time alone will solve it. I think actively thinking and talking about how to manage this next stage will be vital to you. Cancer affects all areas of our lives- we try to limit that but also need to come to an acceptance of it- there is a bereavement that many feel to the loss of the 'old self' and like many bereavements it is often phasic with the ultimate aim of moving into a feeling of acceptance.
It takes time but with work, support and openness you will get there.
steve

YoungerSis62

alexinlv said:

Thank you all for your words
Thank you all for your words of wisdom, kindness and support. I let him read this thread which he never wants to do. In some ways it made him feel better, but in other ways he stated what many have said, "just waiting for the other shoe to drop.". Also it was interesting that he said he wants things to be exactly like they were pre-diagnosis and he hates that it will never be that way. Well the good thing is that we went on a very long walk today, almost 2 hours. Many hugs, and lots of positive energy sent to all of those fighting and all of our families! xo

It's a scary path
He needs time to adjust. You mention he is taking anti-anxiety meds. Sometimes, it takes a while to find the right one. I went through this, dx'd with clinical depression. My first dx'd with cancer was May 2011. I know I will never be the same person. You can't be. Cancer is a "life-changing" experience. We all change - or grow - from other outside influences. This is one that truly draws on your inner strength and beliefs.

My cancer is back a 3rd time now; I am not the same person I was when I was diagnosed the first time, so I am handling this better actually. So for your husband to "change" might help him survive in the long term. He may fear losing you - just keep being there for him. My husband has been wonderful through all of this - though at times, he let me know when I was becoming a "bit too much" ;-)

You two will find your way - one step/day at a time.